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Original poster

if your child was in hospital would you sign yourself off from work?

22 replies

tigi · 08/11/2008 23:23

My son had an accident and had to go into hospital twice in two weeks for operations. i was upset and worried, but still tried to go into work to make my time up, and i still have time to make up now. Its upsetting me now, and I feel shaky, and now I have made a mistake at work that has implications on me.
I just wondered if anyone else has been in this position, and had just signed themselves off so as not to be worrying about two things?
my contract says i can emergency time off unpaid. But i didnt want to do that, because of money issues. Where does the matter change from being about his health to mine? In hindsight i should have just not gone into work, but thats easy to say later!

OP posts:

solo · 08/11/2008 23:34

Family first IME. One of my lovely colleagues now deseased, God love him, said that to me once when I phoned in re sick Ds. 'Solo, always put your family first'.

flowerybeanbag · 09/11/2008 17:08

Emergency time off would be for a day or two only, so you could use that but not for any length of time.

Annual leave? Or ask for unpaid leave on a not quite emergency basis?

needmorecoffee · 09/11/2008 17:11

yes. I never leave my child alone in hospital. Especially given the nurse tried to give her 20 times the normal dose of a drug which would have killed her!
The law changed recently to prevent employers sackign staff who took time off for appointments etc with their disabled chidlre, It probably covers sick children too.

pofaced · 09/11/2008 17:11

Compassionate leave? I was given a week off when my DD was in hospital for planned surgery (ie it wasn't emergency/ unexpected)

Reallytired · 09/11/2008 17:11

Legally your company has to give unpaid leave for dependents under six years old for up to 13 weeks in any given year.

In certain situations many employers will give paid compassionate leave. I think its worth talking to your line manager.

cat64 · 09/11/2008 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flowerybeanbag · 09/11/2008 17:24

That is parental leave you're talking about reallytired, for which notice must be given and which can be postponed by the employer for up to 6 months.

Nothing stopping them agreeing to unpaid leave for this though, worth asking.

ShyBaby · 09/11/2008 17:26

I dont know. My ds was in hospital a lot when he was younger. I would sleep at the hospital (hardly) and go to work the next morning. It was a killer.

You are entitled to unpaid leave for dependants I think. Would all depend on your boss maybe. I've had time off with the kids but my boss knows i'll work over until we're even so he's never taken it off my pay.

Reallytired · 09/11/2008 17:33

See this link
legal rights for unpaid leave in emergencies

Reallytired · 09/11/2008 17:35

Admitally its not quite as generous, but I think an employer has to have a damm strong reason to refuse. It can't be just because he/she doesn't like mothers.

MrsSanta · 09/11/2008 17:39

Could you not go off work with stress, would you til get paid?

Girl i used to work with did and was fine. Worth checking out

Tee2072 · 09/11/2008 17:41

In a heartbeat I would take the leave unpaid and then fight about it after my DC was better.

lou031205 · 09/11/2008 17:45

I get the impression from your OP, Tigi, that you are asking a retrospective question as to whether you did the right thing muddling through, and that the operations have already happened?

In which case, I would say that now the issue is your health. And if you are so upset by the events that you are making mistakes at work, then I think you need to take some time off to regroup. You can self-certify for up to 7 days (consecutive, including weekends within the 7 days) before asking the GP to sign you off if necessary.

I hope your son is making a good recovery, and that now you can too.

flowerybeanbag · 09/11/2008 18:33

Just for info this is a more official site with information about emergency dependents' leave, including information about what kind of situation it applies in and how long you could take.

But if the OP is worried about making up time, maybe taking unpaid leave f any kind wouldn't really address that issue anyway?

Original poster

tigi · 09/11/2008 20:15

Hi, sorry not been online since yesterday.
He is 8. He fell over and broke a bone, and had to go straight into theatre because it was so bad. So i had to stay over a day with him. I made those hours up on a Sat, shattered though! A check up the next week revealed it hadn't worked and he needed another op. An early morning appontment turned into half a day out of work , and then I went in upset and worried about another op. Had another op the next day, and I had 3 more days in hosp, so I had quite a few hours now to make up, which i was worrying about as well as worrying about my son, who was really quite poorly after the second op. So he has now been off school and i have been in and out of work, and worrying about both work and son, which made me feel cross. Lots of people at work said i should sign myself off, but i said it wouldnt be right, its not me ill and soldiered on. I'd had a migraine one day, and still made it in the next.
So now I made an error and I face an investigation, and it going on my records. I have been really upset, and cried there and then. i told my boss she was lucky I had been in work as i could have signed myself off. I thought i was well, but obviously i wasn't really up to it. In hindsight I should have gone sick, and I wouldnt now have 2 lots of bother to deal with. Son still may have problem in the future.

OP posts:

roisin · 09/11/2008 20:40

Sorry to hear about you and your son tigi. I find this hard too. I'm from a background of real protestant work ethic.

A week on Monday ds2 (9) has to go into hospital for a second operation. We have agreed that dh will take him, so we're not both hanging around all day. If all goes smoothly it will just be an outpatient job, but he will be off school all week (fragile 5" scar).

I don't have family nearby, but my mum would come over but she's not able to that week.

I work in a school and everyone agrees it's completely legit for me to take 2 days and dh to take 2 days. But I still don't feel entirely comfortable with it. Even though everyone tells me I'm wrong to feel uncomfortable about it.

(Dh works from home anyway and is mostly in/around daytimes, and can then work evenings, so it's easier for him. There is no way that I can "make up" the hours at another time.)

OrmIrian · 09/11/2008 20:43

I can't imagine my employers even questioning that I should be with my child. It just wouldn't happen. Compassionate leave. Sick leave? I don't know but I wouldn't be in the office.

I am slowly but surely realising I am very very lucky.

Hope your DS is OK now tigi?

dinny · 09/11/2008 20:45

sory to hear about your ds - hope he's better soon

we get paid parental leave/compassionate leave and if you were off for ages it would eventually become unpaid

aren't all parents entitled at least to unpaid parental leave?

RuthT · 09/11/2008 21:01

What a shame. I really understand as I went into work the day after I miscarried (in the night at 8 weeks). In retrospect I shouldn't have gone in but that mad work ethic kicks in.

What I have learnt is that as a line manager I need to protect my directs from themselves sometimes and not only would I not go in myself next time I would also insist that my direct take at least a day off. If I had a beligerent team member the minimum would be to send them to occ health.

In your situation I would have told you not to worry about making up the missed hours.

Don't worry about the investigation, the circumstances will be taken into account and even if it goes on your records (which I would have thought was not a foregone conclusion) it will not always stay there any anyone who reads it will have compassion for the situation.

Sounds like you now know what to do when and if you find yourself in that situation again. If you are interviewed as part of the investigation you can explain what happened and say that you had not encountered that type of situation before. The pressure was intense and you were extreemly stressed. in hindsight you would chose a different path and will recognise the triggers.

Can't say fairer than that.

Was it a big error? Are you feeling bad about that too?

Original poster

tigi · 09/11/2008 22:11

Nothing bad in the great scheme of things. The least of my worries, but something they take oh so VERY seriously - data protection breach! Nothing came of it, just something a spot check picked up. It's really wound me up. Something so small with such huge implications. I just wish I had taken two weeks on the sick. My mind wasn't obviously on the job. If it happened again, it would be the sack! Ridiculous. Ive been there years and years and am very good at my job, and concientious, and it will all be ruined now because of this.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 09/11/2008 22:15

surely they would take your circumstances into account as mitigation?

BoffinMum · 12/11/2008 13:27

I am so lucky because my boss is the most understanding bloke I have ever worked for. However that having been said, I am sure if I was a regular skiver he would be pretty harsh with me.

I wonder what would happen if you were totally transparent with your boss, explained all the details, and asked for a couple of weeks off (probably unpaid) to sort yourself properly?

I think half the time with work-related absence it's the coming and going and uncertainty for colleagues that is most disruptive.

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