Any city lawyers trying to have it all?!

[CoffeeAndCarrotCake]

Is it even possible? I've been back for a month, and the first couple of weeks were fine as it was all a bit of a novelty. Now though, I just miss DD so much and am hating the fact that she's going to be so much closer to my DH, MIL, nursery carers, au pair...(bloke in the corner shop, chap who delivers the curry, window cleaner....) than she will be to me. She might forget me altogether!!

Have any of you been back for a little longer and found it's not so bad, or planning to pack it in altogether?!

...and everyone gets so bloody defensive about this topic! Argh!

I was really enjoying this thread until notimeparttime posted

I have another perspective to back up the point that time does not necessarily equate to "knowing" your children, and which also makes the different point that "knowing" your children is not the be-all and end all. I have 2 daughters. I have spent the same amount of time with both. I know one of them inside out. I can tell what she's thinking and why. I understand why some things upset her. I can usually tell what things will be important to her. She is very like me. The other one is a mystery to me. I don;t quite "get" her. There are bits of her and her motives and values I understand. But there are more bits of her that constantly suprise and amaze me. She has traits so different to me that I can't relate to them. I adore them both. I have bonded with them both and I love the fact that my relationships with them are so different - it has positively enhanced my experience of being a parent. And it reflects the fact that these children we nurture are all different and every relationship is different. knowing shmowing.

That's interesting hatwoman. I have the same with my two. The daughter you don't quite get, does she think that you feel differently about her?

she think's she's no. 1!

Do you think you would get both children if you were a SAHM though? And had more time to devote to it?

I am a lawyer turned SAHM. I'm desperate to get away from my children. I didn't know them any less well when I was working if I am honest BUT I definitely did fewer chores.

No one needs more than state benefits. Every full time father is depriving his children in an emotional sense if you take the views above and choosing to put his own self above his child (and full time working mothers). We could all survive on state benefits. We all work because we choose to and it can be better for children families mothers and fathers. I have always worked from choice.

I do find child care all day and housework extremely boring, mentaly unstimulating, very low states and really very very dull. I love a bit of it, always have, a few hours a day is great. Only 1 in 7 women in the UK with uneder 5s now does not work (statistic in today's paper) an dprobably always has. My grandmother and great grandmother worked.

I will accept if you're with a baby 24/7 you may know it's habits more than its father will but look at it from my perspective with 3 children in their 20s - I don't see the fact I didn't know at what time they moved their bowels once I left for work at 8am means I don't know them now as young adults.

Most working mothers are more clever and better educated than those who do not work. Just examine the grammar and spelling of the various posts above. Therefore there is a good chance we will be better mothers and know our children better, understand the psychology of the child issues etc better than stay at homers. So perhaps the working mother knows her child better because she's brighter and taking the best decisions for her family. We need much more assertiveness in the UK of women showing they love work, want to work appreciate work and just like men can enjoy balanced family lives whilst working full time in proper (not pin money) jobs.

In terms of making a decision etc, we seem to have forgotten that by the time lots of us have children, we have already committed to a mortgage etc which requires two incomes. Of course it is possible to sell up and trade down but that's really difficult and I would feel very selfish to move my family out of our home and stop our holidays etc so that I could stay at home with the children while they are small. There are times I wish I had had the foresight to make sure we could always live on one income but then, as the main breadwinner, who's to say I would have been able to stay at home anyway.

Plenty of women marry men who earn more who will support them though. It's part of the life plan of many people either consciously or subconsciously.

My position is different - I would not have chosen to stay home and look after children irrespective of money issues. Indeed the first year I worked after the baby was born the nanny's cost was 50% my salary plus 50% of the children's father's salary but 24+ years on clearly for us to wrok at almost a loss of a year or two paid off financially. It does not do so if you work in a call centre or earn the average wage of £20k like most women. Women with high paid jobs are very very lucky - they get so many extra choices. Important point when you're advising student children about careers - obviously you want them to enjoy their work but if they can enjoy it and make a lot too life can be easier including life as a parent as you can afford nannies and cleaners etc.