Any city lawyers trying to have it all?!

[CoffeeAndCarrotCake]

Is it even possible? I've been back for a month, and the first couple of weeks were fine as it was all a bit of a novelty. Now though, I just miss DD so much and am hating the fact that she's going to be so much closer to my DH, MIL, nursery carers, au pair...(bloke in the corner shop, chap who delivers the curry, window cleaner....) than she will be to me. She might forget me altogether!!

Have any of you been back for a little longer and found it's not so bad, or planning to pack it in altogether?!

Am senior lawyer in city. Made decision many years ago to be part-time. It was the nest I could do, but I do often feel that I am neither a good parent or employee as a result.

Ain't life hard!

Anniemac - from my own personal career development I would agree. I totally thrived on being given work to do that was bit beyond my level and that I could get my teeth into and, ultimately take ownership of. can't really understand why the "youth of today" are not chumping at the bit, lazy g**s!!! Only (half) joking!

PS Apologies for mixed metaphors!

I agree with anniemac - there is no problem with being unpopular for being a demanding boss (and you probably won't be unpopular anyway) - it's only when you add unreasonableness to the equation that it becomes a problem.

I always find that if I'm concerned about the demands I'm about to make on others, if I think about how I would respond if someone did it to me it gives a pretty good guide as to whether the delegation is outrageous or not. Also remember that the grads your firm employs are almost certainly top grads from top universities with the character to make it through your recruitment selection processes - I'd expect a degree of confidence/bolshiness but not outright rebellion. they want to succeed too and you are more senior than them. As long as you don't give them any reason to disregard you they won't be able to. This is what I meant by self belief.

Useful info re delegation. Its my weakness and I am also hoping that my "director" title will add a bit more weight. Am also going to share with a fantastic NQ when I go back which should also help. I may be asking you all for tips though next month . In a funny way, thinking about these issues is making me feel kind of excited about going back!

Re the op's point about bonds, my DD was at nursery from 6 months. She had a great bond with her carers, and one person in particular completely doted on her. The nursery closed at short notice due to a fire just as we were moving anyway. We went back to a party about 3 weeks later and my DD didn't really recognise or want to go to any of the carers, although she had seemed really close to them. My opinion after that was that there is just a stronger bond with family. She only sees my in laws every so often but has completely adored her granny from the outset and never had that kind of reaction with her. If you are a loving mummy, your children will love you I think.

Ready for a horror story girls?

My ex-boss, a junior partner in our firm, was formally removed from the partnership as a result of deciding to go part time in 2003.

An all-users email was sent round the firm saying "Following Ms X's decision to work three days a week, her new title will be "Director of XYZ"".

I was on maternity leave at the time. It was not heartening, to say the least. Apparently they told her she had to work 4 days to keep the partnership.

Interestingly - or perhaps obviously - I've become much better at delegating since I've had children.

Before the DCs I was a bit of a stakhanov - in early, working late, a smidgen contemptuous of people who didn't work through all issues themselves. Now I spend much more time managing the work and the people doing the work, and if they are both challenged and supported I don't get that many complaints. I have a reputation, I think, for being a good person to work for - I don't dump on them but I certainly don't micro-manage aither.

I'm always accessible and I think accesssiblity is a mindset as much as actually being in the office round the clock.

Thanks, controlfreaky. DS1 will have entrance exams too. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hand my notice in and finish at the end of the year. One thing though - how on earth did you get an open-ended sabbatical? I didn't think such things existed, a bit like unicorn

I agree with all of Anniemac's posts. The thing is, I don't think that I am bad at delegating/supervising etc. When I was at work (part time) between having the 2 boys there were a couple of excellent assistants who happily accepted work from me and were very happy with the call/email arrangement on my days at home. They have since left and I don't really know many of the new asistants that well. I just wish someone would actually admit to having capacity so I could delegate/supervise effectively again!!!
Interestingly some of those who say they are too busy to assist regularly leave the office before me. As my DH says it will just take a while to build up the personal side of it I suppose...

To respond to various people's "challenges" [fave polite City negotiation term for Watch Me Wash the Floor With You - I joke, NB] re the question of promotion & part-timing ...

It is, of course, not at all at all an issue of hour-input measurement. It is, rather, exactly what MrsW said - about one's personal attitude and work ... chemistry, perhaps is the term. You need to see yourself as a catalyst and not as a process (or, if a process, one that empowers others and not one that is there to execute a particular function). You need to be someone who, clichédly, has no problem distinguishing the wood from the trees.

I, however, and thus utterly unlike Anchovy & MrsW (and my own dh), am a classic wood-confuser: I put as much effort (which is lots) into the detail as I do into the schema. I'd need to change that fundamentally to get beyond where I am. So I collude in my own stalled senior associate-ness, to be honest.

i don't mean this to sound patronising - and hope it doesn't but please get over this bus dev requires schmoozing issue. If you think of it as relationship development and then think about how you would do that you will find that many of your clients and potential clients are as reluctant as you are to spend their "free" time socialising/drinking with people they barely know.

Bus dev really is an area where input effort does not equal output reward and the biggest mistake you can make is to set short term goals and give up if you miss them. make it a longer term more sustained effort of increasing your network of relationships and you'll find that the successes come through, and usually not where you initially expected.

Agree with Issy and Mrs Wobble. Firms seem to think everyone LOVES going to large impersonal drinks parties or dinners. Well almost exclusively we don't - regardless of whether people have children or not as I want to spend my free time doing things I want to do.

I and my in house colleauges generally far more prefer the key coffee close to them, a quick low key lunch, REALLY personalised training (not just the standard talk rolled out) or the occasional top whack events. I can only think of a couple of big corporate entertainment things I've genuinely enjoyed evey though I've been to many expensive ones.

Oh and also don't just send out your [banking/corporate/litigation/whatever] update to everyone without thinking WHY you are sending it - my inbox is crowded enough as it is and I don't read 90% of what the firms send out but if you send it to me saying "armarda, I thought you might be interested in the articles on [topic] on page 3 as I know you've been thinking of similar structures/have come across this issue/whatever" then I will read it and will think more highly of you as a result.

Hi, I have just gone back full time - I am not a city Lawyer - but a teacher. I am the only woman who works full time is head of department and a new mum at my school. My Baby is 10 months old. I am enjoying it but am having a lot remarks about what a "shame" it is to be back full time, and how i shouldn't want to work full time. I am really torn about whats right and whats wrong. I am made to feel a little guilty at work for working full time by work friends. My husband and his family feel the same, they think i should go part time. But i actually do enjoy working, and i enjoy the money. Am i being selfish? advice please!

good gracious no you're not being selfish! I assume that you are investing whatever proportion of your income is necessary to secure the best and most stable childcare provision you can possibly afford.

All my teacher friends who worked 3 or 4 day weeks ended up doing full time hours anyway - you might as well get the full time salary!

I used to get those comments too. Here's a good positive answer:
"Yes, I'm conscious that time at work could be time spent with my baby, so I'm very focussed on making every minute of it count. I'm much more disciplined and productive now and really enjoy my time with baby".
This doubles up nicely as a subtle hint to them to stop wasting your time!
Spend some time with your SAHM friends and their kids. As the kids turn 1, you may well notice that you are the only one who actually enjoys playing with the other children! Favourite aunt status is yours for the taking (I used to have a trail of kids following me around). You may also notice how good your child's social skills are.