Did you chose to take a lower grade job to protect your mental and physical health?

[AlwaysAFaithful]

I’m in a managerial position within a very high needs team - I’ve worked in lots of different places over the years and I have never encountered such a lot of difficult dynamics, people doing their own thing rather than pulling together. I have tried really hard to make things better but it’s been at a personal cost. I am finding it difficult to leave - I’ve never been defeated by a job before. I think this stubbornness is costing my health.

Have you been in a similar situation and made a move to protect your wellbeing? Could you share a bit about how it went for you? I need a sense of how much better life can be. I’m thinking of applying for something at a lower level just to give myself a chance to regroup. Thanks in advance for any responses.

I do. I arranged external support myself with an experienced mentor. They know the company well and have said it is one of the most challenging situations they have seen. I have arranged for extra time with them over the short term.

a good move @AlwaysAFaithful

I commented earlier but just read this post.

You don’t have to rationalise your ego - no man does. But then I’d find a strategy to ensure you stay on the same salary level and make it work for you.

Maybe you need to pick your battles in this job.

Maybe some of your team need to be terminated. (Sounds like new blood could be the solution if it’s a very resistant workplace that needs change.)

Maybe it’s another job at the same level.

Or maybe you do decide this place was a basket case that you can financially afford to leave.

The poster who said it is frustrating being more junior is absolutely right. You don’t realise what it’s like to have no influence when you previously were in the room having the conversations, and that’s stressful when you’re at the stage in your career where you still care.

No I would never do this out of choice. The way I see it, I would still need to put in the hours and effort, for less pay and possibly more pressure from whoever is higher up. I've learned to manage my own emotions and ways of coping with stress including sometimes just saying to myself IDGAF, it's just work and letting things go. I recommend anyone practice this.

I’ve taken a step down (and big pay cut) recently, and have gone from SLT back into class. Although I’m still working bloody hard, I don’t have to take the stress home with me, and I’m not on call 24/7.

I think that I will eventually go back up the ladder, but currently I’m enjoying having weekends and work-free evenings back too much. More than makes up for the £12k pay cut.

I have approximately 15 years left to work before I can retire. I have made the decision that I won’t apply for promotion higher than where I am now. The extra money would be nice but I feel not worth it for the extra amount of stress, it is already stressful enough!
I would rather be able to mostly enjoy my days and switch off properly on evenings and weekends

I was offered a more senior/managerial position at my current company. I said no, and then asked to go down to 4 days a week. Best thing I ever did.

I have. I was a registered HCP with a huge amount of responsibility and stress. I was always quite good at the work/life balance and would never ‘bring work home’ with me, I could switch off as soon as I exited the building. That quickly shifted during COVID lockdowns and just snowballed over the last couple of years.
After being signed off for 8 weeks, I decided to step down. This did mean I had to reduce my hours (and had to go through the bloody recruitment process for a part-time vacancy), so I remained registered and do locum work once a week to top up the salary I’m missing. Suits me perfectly.

All of these different perspectives are so helpful- thank you 🙏

Not exactly but i have had to take the crappiest job because of what i have come to believe is ADHD along with other stuff i am unsure about .

I make mistakes ,poor audio memory ,cant understand social cues or peoples tone of voice. I try so very hard but its very hard for me to hold down a job ,i have tried to geta better job but lost it within a month due to learning difficulties

I have to stay in a crappy job because i cant handle to much going on ,going for a crappy employer means i can skirt by

going for such a simple position is maddening ,being pushed by something mentally stimulating is good but being pushed by difficult social dynamics is murder on your mental health. Its a difficult balance

I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope your next role is in a workplace that supports you or that you find a job that plays to the strengths you have ❤️

yes, and i'm currently bored in all the ways that @CurlyhairedAssassin has so succinctly put.

HOWEVER. I had the trickiest of tricky people to manage, no backing from above and i was very unwell by the time i cut the chord on my big job. like you, i had tried everything to remedy thin gs and felt backed into a corner. i left on stress leave.

i have lost my passion but am slowly clawing bck via a maternity cover contract which is at a lower level than i was previously at. But i'll never forget what it was like to sleep at night and to not have al ump in my stomach every day when logging in. choose yourself, always.

you made a brave decision but yes, I absolutely see that taking a lower position risks boredom and frustration.

you reference sleep - that’s one of the things I have been struggling with for some time and that makes everything harder ☹️

Yes. I did some really tricky senior jobs for 7 years or so as a single parent and it nearly broke me. I have anxiety/ depression and the personal strain was too much. It gave me breathing space. Then I found a great sweet spot but had to take a promotion to keep my job. Same started to happen. It’s hard to get the balance right. I think you should leave jobs that are ruining your life if at all possible.

I was booted out on a PIP not really sure why if I'm honest so ended up having to take a step down. First time in 20 years I don't manage people, and I walk out at 4:30 and give the place no thought.

HOWEVER - you do need to make peace with this type of thing if you are not to go mad. You can't re-create your old job in your new job so to speak.

I'm 55 and the oldest in the office. People have grasped that I used to have a bigger job eslewhere, but I don't make a thing of it. I'm not too proud to go and get the milk from Tesco.

TBH I call it "semi retirement", and I'm not sure I can face all the bollocks that goes with HR and corporate shite.

As I say to my colleagues, these are just jobs, and they will do for now.

I try not to think about the £20k pay cut too much

PS I sleep like a baby, and wake up refreshed. If a customer (who owes us £1m) hasn't paid, I just report it factually to my boss - that becomes a someone elses problem..

I did - and it was the worst (working) year of my life!
I went back to my original role.
Turned out I didn't have the skillset or the mindset for the 'less demanding' role.

I could have written this OP. Managerial position, difficult team, "good girl syndrome" leading to me constantly overstretching myself to try and fix everything, my 120% basically being expected as the baseline, loads of emotions involved. I finally gave up and quit early this year and am currently retraining for a far less prestigious role while living off savings. I thought panic would have set in by now but I haven't regretted it a second. I've hardly landed on my feet either haha, but I'm genuinely a new woman. I wish you the best whichever road you go down, and if you stay on I'd advise to make a long term plan with your higher ups to make sure the job will not be this demanding a year from now. (I did try with mine but apparently didn't manage to express the severity of it until I ended up resigning, at which point they started asking for suggestions to make the job easier on my successor...)

You are framing your dilemma all wrong. Leaving a job because it no longer suits you, or is causing you to hate it, is not allowing the job to "defeat" you. It's allowing yourself to take control and move on according to your own needs rather than staying to meet the needs of the job. Why allow it to make you unhappy?

This was me aged ~40.
Me in my early 50s with teenagers is enjoying having more time / capacity for them (although it is an adjustment not being in charge and I am noticing the 1K a month less in my bank account. It’s the first time since my early 20s that I notice when payday is…)

I've done this twice - walked away from high stress, very well-paid, managerial roles because they were making me ill and unhappy.

It's been wonderful knowing I can walk out the door at 5pm and never think about work once when I leave. I've been able to spend much more time with family and friends, my health & fitness are better and I can plan to go on holidays etc without wondering if they'll have to be cancelled.

If you can make it work financially for you, I'd recommend it. I'm of the age now where, sadly, I've had several work colleagues and friends die unexpectedly.

A job is just a job: it shouldn't be your whole life.

get out of management permanently if you can.

staff can now dictate their terms it would seem. Constantly trying to change the goal posts on how many days they can WFH and start/end times and always due to anxiety and effect on wellbeing. Which you can’t challenge these days so we end up having to put all sorts of measures in place to meet their needs. It’s a nightmare.

Someone did this where I work and I think it's quite unfair on the rest of us. She's doing our job, but with higher status and she's untouchable. A new colleague was totally confused about why she wasn't included in re-organisation of tasks meetings.

"It's been wonderful knowing I can walk out the door at 5pm and never think about work once when I leave"

Not necessary the case in low-level jobs. I don't have overtime, but I sill worry about whether I've done everything/forgotten something, done something wrong and will get told off by one of my many superiors.

Yes, I gave up a relatively senior position (finance director of a design/manufacturing firm with turnover of tens of million) to go back to a more junior accounting role in a small accountancy practice. I only lasted two years.

My weight shot up by about 8 stone and my blood pressure became out of control, and I became T2 diabetic. All because I had no time to exercise, as the days were long - typically 10-12 hours plus a few hours at weekends, and a long commute (over an hour driving each way). I was also close to a nervous breakdown.

The work was relentless as the company was fast growing, literally a dozen new staff recruited every month, plus finishing one new factory and starting to plan/build yet another, all needing financing. Working capital and cash flow was a daily juggling act. It was impossible to keep on top of everything.

I breathed a massive sigh of relief on my last day. My first day in my new, low level, job was wonderful. No stress, just sat at the desk plodding away at some simple accounts preparation for a simple little client. Bliss!

What was not so good was my salary being half what it was, not having a company car anymore, etc., But it was worth the sacrifice to get back to having a life and my health and sanity. Never again.