Sexual harassment grievance at work

[User12334]

I've had a bit of a difficult time in work recently for lots of reasons, but mostly due to a male colleague. A couple of months back, my small team which is predominantly male were in a meeting, I had a v neck dress on and was quite fine and was happily going about my business. A few hours in for whatever, one of the male colleagues leaves the room, returns and hands me a safety pin clearly indicating to cover myself up. He said that "you can go use the private room". It took me a minute to actually process what was happening and I abruptly left the meeting, where my two managers were a bit like what's going on.
I stupidly used the pin because i was just so taken aback, I returned and felt like running away. At the end of the meeting, same colleague caught me at the end and said "did you manage to regain your modesty", which again I was so taken aback with I started justifying my dress choice.

We then were going on to do some social activities as a team day which I could see far enough, I did a detour to tesco to get a vest top to go underneath the dress, to which he again comes up to me and says "are you more comfortable now" 🙃

This isn't the first time he's giving me the ick but it's the first time it's gone too far. He has a habit of mansplaining things to me or talking over me in meetings etc. Dirty humour is really not my thing and when he has tried it in the past I've just ignored it or tried to change the subject but he continues anyway.

Anyway, I raised a grievance and everyone at work was really supportive until they weren't. I feel like since he had his review everyone's been like on his side in a way. A member of HR phoned me before I got the letter out and told me how distraught he was about the whole thing and that that should hopefully make rebuilding our relationship easier. My manager has outright said before as well when I have said about not wanting to be in a room alone with him that I need to be able to work with him again.

Fast forward a few weeks, we have a catch up where he actually fails to apologise without me prompting and is playing the neurodivergent card to explain his behaviour. I am also neurodivergent and know plenty of others who are but haven't sexually harassed their colleague.

I'm currently off work because I was feeling too run down by the whole thing and have recently discovered I'm pregnant. Before all this, I would only see this colleague face to face once a month at most as we are spread out geographically. My managers are now proposing we rotate office each week so we can work together more - despite being in the same team we all work on completely different things and have always worked primarily remotely. The travel to the other offices for me is 2.5/3 hours each way if the trains are on time. They are also aware of my pregnancy so between that and the grievance I'm really feeling a bit miffed about everything.

I don't really know what the point of this post is, I guess I'm just looking for some advice or maybe to be told I'm overthinking it and need to get over it lol.

So had a catch up with my bosses who have now said officially the grievance is considered inappropriate behaviour and not sexual harassment. I feel really deflated by this, I know the ones arguing here will probably be amused. I'm going to raise with HR but as the grievance is upheld I feel like there isn't much I can do at this point. I actually felt my bosses were more supportive than they have been but they're probably being careful due to my pregnancy.

So this morning I had a catch up with my bosses who have now said officially the grievance is considered inappropriate behaviour and not sexual harassment. I feel really deflated by this, I know the ones arguing here will probably be amused. I'm going to raise with HR but as the grievance is upheld I feel like there isn't much I can do at this point, I'm not even looking for him to get punished further but just for them to recognise how much this has had an impact on me and to recognise it fairly for what it is. A few others have suggested getting legal advice, since you're a union rep do you have any recommendations on what I can do now?

Apparently it was actually recorded as inappropriate behaviour and not sexual harassment. This was not clearly articulated to me and I'm questioning HR on it but my manager believes it's because they can't prove it was gendered?? And that the colleague said it was a wardrobe malfunction and he would have done the same with a male colleague. I'm honestly so fed up with all of it, there's no way he would have done this to a male and continued to question the modesty. I just feel wrong about the whole thing, I'm usually quite good at moving on but something isn't sitting right with me. I also questioned the new legislation a few have mentioned but they didn't seem to know what I was on about.

Your employer could be heading to the ET if they don't revise their decision quickly. Your union rep will, I assume be meeting with HR?

His actions were inappropriate but then again if you were in a meeting with your tits half on display then that's inappropriate too.

Of course it’s sexual harassment, he’s repeatedly referring to the OP’s breasts at work, in a professional scenario, it’s disgusting, I’d also be angry if a woman had said the same thing to me.

The term ‘modesty’ in relation to men’s clothing isn’t really a thing, either.

Don’t worry about the ones arguing here, they’re getting something out of it which is questionable in itself.

Got it, glad we agree there was a sexual element then.

Your first port of call should be your union rep, if you are in a union. Two sexual harassment cases that I dealt with:

Phil was a genuinely nice bloke, wanted everyone on his team to feel welcomed and included. Arranged for younger members of staff to get invited to senior meetings and cultural events. Often invited everyone to the pub, and was the first to buy a round. Had people, all ages, genders, grades, round to his flat for pasta and wine. The first time I met him, he invited me to continue our work conversation in the pub, and also to a theatre event that he was organising. Older women and men, young and old, accepted this as nice bloke behaviour. Several of the younger women didn’t. His buying drinks and inviting them to his flat (always in mixed groups) was “creepy.” They complained that it was sexual harassment. This was upheld and Phil was sacked for gross misconduct. Phil had never made any personal comments about any of the younger women, touched any of them, or indicated that he was interested in them romantically or sexually, he just “creeped them
out.” If it was a woman who had behaved like this, I doubt there would have been the same result.

Fred was a bit of a jack the lad, and known for making the odd off colour remark about his female colleagues, but had never been hauled up for this. He made a comment about one of his female colleagues, who was pregnant, to the tune of “not getting many of them to the pound” referring to her breasts. She wasn’t offended by this, and laughed. But it offended one of her colleagues, and Fred also got sacked for gross misconduct.

Also, men are never pulled up on their clothing for reasons of modesty. A married orthodox Jewish woman covers her hair, collar bones, elbows and knees, and can’t wear trousers as they are seen as immodest. Perfectly fine for an orthodox Jewish man to wear a tee shirt and shorts with his kippah.