Feel apprehensive about getting signed off due to stress

[CharlieHotelAlphaAlphaLimaIndigo]

Good evening all

I’m going through a bit of a tough time and it’s impacting my work.

LSS - Single mum, DS 14 has ADHD & DD 5 little madam
working p/t 3 days doing referrals for NHS. Been there 3 years
My mum got scammed and January of 24k. It’s made her very depressed and forgetful. Also she has been gaslit by her partner. She is relying heavily on me for everything. Too scared to drive or do life admin I’m having to do it all
also my DS medication gave him suicidal thoughts for a few days
DD has had gastroenteritis and other illnesses (coupled with her not sleeping and crying for anything)
Ive then had insomnia due to all of this
my brother doesn’t help and my kids father is no help.
im making stupid mistakes at work ( not life or death) but they are adding up and sometimes I don’t even recognise why I would fuck up like this. Im constantly apologising for messing up or anxious about what email is going to contain something I have or haven’t done. I’ve tried slowing down and double checking but somehow I’m always doing something wrong.
I’m now having to have capability meetings with HR and line manager said my job could be on the line.
Im hesitant to get signed off with stress because I feel it will impact the team but my mess is impacting the team but my line manager said I could take unpaid leave for a few months. I don’t know what to do. I feel like such a failure

any advice would be welcome

Is that 4x three weeks off in a year plus time off for infected insect bites plus a few more days here and there?

That’s a LOT of time off in a year if so. What does your employer’s sickness policy say about levels of absence? Mine would start a stage 1 absence process after the third instance and/or four weeks off in a year.

@ChavsAreReal just over. First chest infection was April 2025 and my last time off sick was in May this year. I’m already on a sickness policy because of this that’s why I’m so hesitant to get signed off because of what’s happening. I keep saying to myself it will get better. This messing up will go away but in that time I’m still failing at everything

Are you sure that taking time off work will actually help ? Or will you be in exactly the same position after 4 weeks. What you are describing is that the source of your stress is primarily your mum atm. Do you really think this will be resolved in that time ? It seems that you take the time off work and actually increase your exposure to one of the most stressful areas of your life. I would think long and hard about this as you are potentially putting your job at risk which will adversely impact your mental health and quality of life - regular structure is really important.

how else can your mum be helped - are you inadvertently making her more reliant on you by being accessible and sorting everything out for her. Might it be better to come up with a plan with your aunt where by you aren’t completely accessible. You set up agreed times where you will support / help and start to hand back basic tasks and supervise her doing them rather than just continuing to do them for her.

i appreciate its a really tough situation you are in but you need to prioritise yourself and your DC needs as potentially losing your job won’t help anyone.

Have a look on the Elderly Parents board on here. There’s a lot of people on there having to put boundaries in place with their parents because juggling their jobs, children and caring for an elderly person is too much.

@RidingMyBike thank you for the suggestion

@Aligirlbear i have thought this. If I’m off she’ll probably want more help with appointments and her life admin that she can’t seem to handle anymore. My aunt and I came up with a plan. As she is also retired now she said for mum to call her whenever she has an issue and not disturb me at work but she still contacts me throughout the day. I can’t have my phone off in case of schools calling or appointments for myself so it’s difficult.

You can use your phone settings so that school etc can ring through but other numbers don’t. That’s how I manage my elderly relative, otherwise I’d never get anything done!