How am I ever supposed to be able to work full time…

[skirtingaroundit]

So I’ve been part time since the kids were around. Youngest is 3. Applied for a full time role in the current sector I work in, got an interview. However I’m seriously starting to doubt the whole thing due to my youngest child having been ill on & off for 2 weeks. I have health anxiety due to their beginnings in the world & whenever they’re ill with high temps, sickness, lethargy etc I have to be with them. This works well in my current part time role, I text my boss & say I won’t be in, she’s very understanding, I take the time off unpaid. I did only think the other day how it had been months that I hadn’t had to take time off to be with a sick child but last week he was sick & last night he was sick again but with other symptoms which lead to a hospital trip so I’m off today to look after him. I really want this job but I feel fucking frazzled when this happens (there’s other issues going on with other child also) & I don’t feel I have the actual brain capacity sometimes to learn anything new. The juggle struggle is real. I’m tempted to be honest in the interview & just say ‘I do have two young children & as much as I would love this role, just to set your expectations, I may need to be off from time to time if my children are poorly’, or is that just shooting myself in the foot?

I get you - my first DC got sepsis at a day old and it was touch and go whether he'd live. Both my DC have special needs, and my anxiety is only under control due to long term medication. I pivoted into a work from home role after years of part time jobs. I mostly work full time but work as a contractor, so I can flex my hours, as long as the job gets done. I would say stay in your current role, as that level of flexibility is not normal and may be difficult to find again. If your fifth day is already child free, could you look into a side hustle for extra income? It's what I did, and that side hustle became my work from home gig. Good luck 😊

Keep your current job and get a side hustle is great advice.

Stick with your current job and your very understanding boss.

Exactly, that’s irrelevant. I’m also not even addressing that with my comment. I just mean in general. Other parents make it work - some with full time work, you need to find a way of coping. If you have health anxiety, I’d recommend CBT. Good luck.

@Shittyyear2025 shes not mentioned another parent, so im assuming shes a single parent household.

It's so hard isn't it sometimes. Sorry I don't have the answers.

I think you’re setting youself up for failure already. Employers just have to deal with it when children are sick there’s not a lot you can do about it. But whilst you have a nice PT job with an understanding boss I would stick with it hun.

Offering sympathy. If you feel it wont work, keep looking and wait for something thats better for you. I turned down a job that was FT and much higher salary than I am on now for similar reasons...I also dont have 'a village' of childcare support and realised my local area had no childminders with availability for wraparound care! It wasnt going to work and I was devestated to have to turn the job down as the reality was I couldnt work 8.30 until 5 and do school nursery drop offs and pick ups. The extra income would have been amazing for us too and I felt like I was letting my DS down not going for it.

Fast forward a few months, I had joined the waiting list for before and after school club and found out I had a place for DS from September....I then managed to secure a full time WFH job that will work better for my lifestyle and is good pay!

So my advice would be to keep looking if you want FT for something that you can make work! Otherwise you will just mentally torture yourself which isnt good for your long term mental health!

Also I would definetly raise it at interview but pose it as a question along the lines of..."do you offer flexible working for employees with a young family". You are well within your rights to ask !

Good luck !

This is one of the reasons I waited until my children were in secondary school before going full-time. The holiday clubs, childcare and wrap around costs also didn’t make increasing my hours worth it.

Honestly, I think it would be better for you to not bother doing the interview than saying that. This might not be the right time to take a job like this. If there is any chance of wanting to work with the company, or any member of the interviewing team, in the future, then absolutely do not show yourself as being potentially unreliable. Your kids won’t stay young and dependent forever

Unless ypu have a fantastic support network around you, embrace your p/t role and a supportive boss - those two things together are worth their weight in gold when you have young children.

OP some tough comments here, dont take them to heart. Most of my friends are in full time employment however they are lucky enough to have nanny/grandad/in-laws to do the school run, or a partner who is available as well to pick ip when sick etc. I am not in this position and will not be considering full-time work because of this.

For me, a full-time job was not possible until my youngest DC left home to go to university. Before then, I only worked part-time, term-time hours.

If you're working full-time, their Dad will have to also take time off to look after them when they're unwell. If you don't feel comfortable with that right now, stay part-time.

I have young adult children now and I will say that in our experiences, things greatly improve as their immune systems strengthen. Nursery/pre-school is the worse time for picking up bugs - yes, they'll get them at school, but it decreases and they recover quicker. Hang in there.

Many years ago a neighbour guilt tripped me into watching her child while she went for an interview. You know the sort of thing - Ive asked everyone else and none of them can help. Your my last hope. She had done me a favour in the past so I felt I had to reciprocate. Before she left I asked how she was going to manage if she got the job. She said "well its shifts so I am sure we can work something out."

Well no way was I going to "work something out" because child free means being unselfish enough not to bring children into the world so you can sub other people. So I used weaponised incompetence. When she asked how the child had been I told her "he did start to cry but it was ok because I turned up the TV."

Needless to say she never asked me to babysit again.

Op. Where is the kid's dad in all this?

Childcare for sick kids shouldn't fall on you each time if you are with their dad. Why aren't you considering his part in all this?

Or wait, does he have a Big Important Job that means he can't take time off so it's entirely your responsibility, meaning your career is shot to bits while he gets out of all parenting?

I think OPs point was that when her DC is ill she doesn’t want to be apart from them.

If you’re unable to work remote when the kids are ill and you cannot avoid being off - then it’s going to be stressful.

Do you have childcare arrangements and family support ? If not - without remote working this will be a disaster - because you will eventually be managed out.

So she and their dad need to make a choice about if they can afford for her not to work then. Most of us (probably including op) don't have that choice, and have to thrash it out with work/conscience each time a DC is poorly. At several places where I've worked both parents would be expected to take equal time off to care for poorly kids, not just mum

I really don't think you should change jobs OP. If you are unwilling or unable to share the caring responsibilities for ill children with their other parent then stick to the job you have. A new employer will likely have less sympathy for you taking lots of time off at short notice, especially if you aren't looking at alternatives for the next working day and beyond and want to remain at home with them all the time.

I think most mums would love to be there with our poorly kids but if we want to work full time we have to compromise, be that their other parent or hired help. We have had to use agency nannies in the past when my military spouse was out of the country and I needed to be in work - made me feel like the worst parent in the world but I had work responsibilities that couldn't not be done.