Colleague "doesn't do paid childcare" how to deal with situation?

[Middlechild3]

New role, shift work, told it would be a 'fairly' stable pattern mostly a combination of 2/2/2 pattern per cycle, except when someone is on leave (and then less or no day shifts). Colleague has boasted about not having to pay for childcare ever despite both her and husband both working full time with shift work (different employers).This has been facilitated because she request shifts around her husbands roster unofficially and the person who does the roster gives them to her at the expense of her colleagues. This is going to mainly be me as we are opposing shifts. This means she will request say all late shifts meaning I would get stuck with all early shifts. This wasn't what I signed up to when I took the job but the emotional blackmail has started and I know she wants the arrangement she had with my predessor to continue. I really have no interest in her childcare woes and think she needs to get paid help in. She's been very lucky for so long but with new staff things will change and she must see this. How to deal with this diplomatically but firmly? to be clear this isn't an HR arrangement she has, she has just buttered up the man who does the roster over the years.

We don't know that she was bulldozing other people. The former colleague may not have minded the shift patterns falling as they did. We don't have that information one way or the other.

The entitled colleague has stretched herself too thin from the sound of things. Financially and in terms of her time. She needs to sort it out, but childcare doesn't just fall out of the sky when it is needed. Kindness isn't always about mutuality.

We do - the OP has explained that -

"I do because he told me, he trained me. He said she was a nice enough lady but a terrible colleague, all take and no give, e. g. expects others to be there early for shift takeover so she can get away on the dot but turns up on the dot to take over a shift making her colleagues leave late EVERY time. He also said she should be better at the job considering how long she has been there. Oh and that she expects all summer holiday and Christmas leave periods because she's unbelievably entitled and thinks no one else could possibly have commitments outside if work like her"

Op already stated that the previous colleague did mind but was railroaded by the entitled colleague.

And kindness may (or not) be about mutuality but I fail to see how any kindness is being demonstrated by the entitled one.

Well fair enough.
And no, I'm sure she isn't being kind. From the updates from the OP outline above, she sounds awful!
I think I have a soft spot for childcare issues because I have a child in nursery and on the odd occasion when nursery has been randomly closed (fire alarm issue, once a kitchen flood) there was nothing I could do but collect my kid and I'm so lucky that I have a job with that kind of flexibility, but even if I didn't, I'd have had to just go.

If the entitled colleague has found a system (albeit a very poor sounding one!!) that works for her, I suppose I instinctively feel the stress of that changing up on her suddenly.
It isn't the OPs problem, but the entitled colleague is still going to have an issue that she needs a bit of time to resolve.

It is though. I don’t think either side is right but I would be inclined to think that someone’s childcare is their issue.

People on MN always talk about kindness as if it is something that everyone deserves. It isn’t.

i would move heaven and earth at work for my friends but anyone else can sod off unless they may be useful in the future

When you're a shift worker, 'kind' is being flexible when your colleague has an emergency. Or offering to swap shifts when it's their kid's birthday. It's not letting them reign over the rota 365 days a year, so that they never have to pay for (or ask a family member for) childcare.

Absolutely this. Kindness is a mutual thing - it's kind to help your colleagues in an emergency, and it's kind not to impose your domestic arrangements on others to their detriment.

I would speak to the person who manages the roster and explain why you are available for specific shifts. Be polite and fight your corner but don't mention your colleague to them. Your colleague will have to deal with her chidcare arrangements and not assume you, her colleague are a part of that arrangement. See how it goes but you may need to job search again if your colleague has such influence on getting all shifts her way without fair compromise to other colleagues.

This.
Your colleague can't dictate her preferences at the expense of others.
I would imagine that there is a policy around this

You're right, it's not the OP's problem. Colleagues with kids need to get a grip and stop dumping on other colleagues who may not have kids or younger kids but have their own committments aside from being shat on by parents in the workplace.

🙄🙄🙄 ridiculous thing to say

Have you got a union rep / friendly occupational health person? I know shift work is meant to be bad for health and rotas are meant to be designed to have the least worst impact on people's health. A consistent pattern / rotation of shifts sounds better to me than randomly changing ones but I've never done shift work. But I can imagine a fixed pattern of always working one shift might be ok too.

I do think 'keeping shift work as safe as possible' is a reasonable tool to throw at your managers.

I’d just tell your line manager you’ll stick to the shift pattern as agreed in your t&c, what they do with your colleagues rota isn’t your responsibility

No,she wants the terms she signed up for.

Don’t do this. Speak to the person who organizes the roster, then management.
you are definitely not being unreasonable.

Unless you have Conditions of Work in black on white, you cannot have the shifts you signed up for, because there is precedent, is what you will be told.

No she wont.

But I wasn't suggesting she should be allowed to keep going indefinitely, and I did say that it was Entitled Colleague's problem to solve. It 100% is! I agree about that.

In this case the kindness element comes in with my suggestion that the OP give a small runway for resolution (I suggested two weeks/beginning of July) because the woman almost certainly cannot magic childcare out of thin air. She is going to need a small amount of time to find a childcare provider.

I'm not sure why several people have reacted so strongly to the idea that whilst the OP is absolutely correct to push back, acknowledging that the Entitled Colleague may need a minute to sort herself out (and allowing that to happen gracefully) is like a weird take.

We all (whether we might be useful in future or not!) may find that we need a support with changes to our circumstances. Entitled Colleague has got away with murder for years, absolutely it sounds like she has. But she can't necessarily fix it overnight. That just doesn't sound unreasonable to me.

Are you unhappy with this for an reason other than to teach her a lesson?

I dont believe parents should get all preferential treatment, but I dont mind accommodating colleagues needs if I dont have my own need (irrespective of whether its to do with children or not)

Sounds like you just want to prove a point and make her pay for childcare

No it doesn't - did you not rtt?

"No, all lates would mean no clubs/hobbies/ evening social life. All earlies would mean very early nights and tiredness etc. FOR ME a more or less equal spread of the assorted shifts works best to keep and plan normal out of work activities as much as possible"

Why yes she is, she’s explained that a few times and then she’s replied read the thread rather than repeating herself to the many many posters who haven’t read past the op but still feel they are entitled to share their most uninformed opinion. She took a contracted job and wants to work that working one fixed shift that is not convenient and blocks her from making plans she’d like to have. If I take a
job and sign a contract I expect that to be the job provided, not a job with fixed early shifts which would make me miserable every day.

But what does a runway look like that the colleague works on finding childcare? She just won’t believe it will be needed until she can see her shifts on the roster and gets told they won’t be swapped.

No, she won’t. They don’t advertise for set shifts because they couldn’t get anyone and there’d be no flex as no one would ever swap, it wouldn’t work for the company and they know that. They need to provide the job they hired her for.

We do though, because the departing staff member trained her and told her this. It’s in the thread, in the ops comments that you didn’t read before somehow deciding you knew all the facts.

You are entitled to have a sick relative, or to look after someone's children occasionally. The world doesn't revolve around people having children. And I've been in job roles and managed to find childcare to meet my needs without having to rely on family members too. It's tough but I never assumed my needs were more important than someone else's.

It is important that everyone can be flexible with shift patterns for things like special occasions, medical appointments, events at school or being in a show that means you can't work nights that week. But it shouldn't be the accepted norm. Hopefully Management will realise that staff retention relies on fairness. They will also presumably be in Breach of Contract if you don't get your shift pattern except in exceptional circumstances or with your full agreement (which you don't give).

I suspect they will want you to agree in order to keep that member of staff and so they aren't in breach of contract but other than applying pressure to you, I would assume there isn't much they can actually do.