Colleague "doesn't do paid childcare" how to deal with situation?

[Middlechild3]

New role, shift work, told it would be a 'fairly' stable pattern mostly a combination of 2/2/2 pattern per cycle, except when someone is on leave (and then less or no day shifts). Colleague has boasted about not having to pay for childcare ever despite both her and husband both working full time with shift work (different employers).This has been facilitated because she request shifts around her husbands roster unofficially and the person who does the roster gives them to her at the expense of her colleagues. This is going to mainly be me as we are opposing shifts. This means she will request say all late shifts meaning I would get stuck with all early shifts. This wasn't what I signed up to when I took the job but the emotional blackmail has started and I know she wants the arrangement she had with my predessor to continue. I really have no interest in her childcare woes and think she needs to get paid help in. She's been very lucky for so long but with new staff things will change and she must see this. How to deal with this diplomatically but firmly? to be clear this isn't an HR arrangement she has, she has just buttered up the man who does the roster over the years.

We don't know that she was bulldozing other people. The former colleague may not have minded the shift patterns falling as they did. We don't have that information one way or the other.

The entitled colleague has stretched herself too thin from the sound of things. Financially and in terms of her time. She needs to sort it out, but childcare doesn't just fall out of the sky when it is needed. Kindness isn't always about mutuality.

We do - the OP has explained that -

"I do because he told me, he trained me. He said she was a nice enough lady but a terrible colleague, all take and no give, e. g. expects others to be there early for shift takeover so she can get away on the dot but turns up on the dot to take over a shift making her colleagues leave late EVERY time. He also said she should be better at the job considering how long she has been there. Oh and that she expects all summer holiday and Christmas leave periods because she's unbelievably entitled and thinks no one else could possibly have commitments outside if work like her"

Op already stated that the previous colleague did mind but was railroaded by the entitled colleague.

And kindness may (or not) be about mutuality but I fail to see how any kindness is being demonstrated by the entitled one.

Well fair enough.
And no, I'm sure she isn't being kind. From the updates from the OP outline above, she sounds awful!
I think I have a soft spot for childcare issues because I have a child in nursery and on the odd occasion when nursery has been randomly closed (fire alarm issue, once a kitchen flood) there was nothing I could do but collect my kid and I'm so lucky that I have a job with that kind of flexibility, but even if I didn't, I'd have had to just go.

If the entitled colleague has found a system (albeit a very poor sounding one!!) that works for her, I suppose I instinctively feel the stress of that changing up on her suddenly.
It isn't the OPs problem, but the entitled colleague is still going to have an issue that she needs a bit of time to resolve.

It is though. I don’t think either side is right but I would be inclined to think that someone’s childcare is their issue.

People on MN always talk about kindness as if it is something that everyone deserves. It isn’t.

i would move heaven and earth at work for my friends but anyone else can sod off unless they may be useful in the future

When you're a shift worker, 'kind' is being flexible when your colleague has an emergency. Or offering to swap shifts when it's their kid's birthday. It's not letting them reign over the rota 365 days a year, so that they never have to pay for (or ask a family member for) childcare.

Absolutely this. Kindness is a mutual thing - it's kind to help your colleagues in an emergency, and it's kind not to impose your domestic arrangements on others to their detriment.

I would speak to the person who manages the roster and explain why you are available for specific shifts. Be polite and fight your corner but don't mention your colleague to them. Your colleague will have to deal with her chidcare arrangements and not assume you, her colleague are a part of that arrangement. See how it goes but you may need to job search again if your colleague has such influence on getting all shifts her way without fair compromise to other colleagues.

This.
Your colleague can't dictate her preferences at the expense of others.
I would imagine that there is a policy around this

You're right, it's not the OP's problem. Colleagues with kids need to get a grip and stop dumping on other colleagues who may not have kids or younger kids but have their own committments aside from being shat on by parents in the workplace.

🙄🙄🙄 ridiculous thing to say