Colleague "doesn't do paid childcare" how to deal with situation?

[Middlechild3]

New role, shift work, told it would be a 'fairly' stable pattern mostly a combination of 2/2/2 pattern per cycle, except when someone is on leave (and then less or no day shifts). Colleague has boasted about not having to pay for childcare ever despite both her and husband both working full time with shift work (different employers).This has been facilitated because she request shifts around her husbands roster unofficially and the person who does the roster gives them to her at the expense of her colleagues. This is going to mainly be me as we are opposing shifts. This means she will request say all late shifts meaning I would get stuck with all early shifts. This wasn't what I signed up to when I took the job but the emotional blackmail has started and I know she wants the arrangement she had with my predessor to continue. I really have no interest in her childcare woes and think she needs to get paid help in. She's been very lucky for so long but with new staff things will change and she must see this. How to deal with this diplomatically but firmly? to be clear this isn't an HR arrangement she has, she has just buttered up the man who does the roster over the years.

I agree that OP is right here and colleague is the CF.

Its so tricky with being new but doing the right thing by requesting meeting with line manager straight away. You seem very capable @Middlechild3 but I wondered what your approach is going to be. Are you going to directly call out the behavior and manipulation of CF and rota person. Or a general approach of asking them to ensure the rota shifts are as agreed in the contract without naming anyone? . Is there any small print in the contract about doing multiple same shifts as required that they can use against you?

Good luck and please keep us posted

So you have you been to your manager and said your terms and conditions say 2/2/2 which is not happening and asked them to intervene?

This isn’t a big deal

You must have had your rota by now? So I assume you have asked for it to reflect your 2/2/2 ?

So did rota man change it or not? If yes then what’s the issue?

It's really bloody hard to accept change when you've managed to find a system that works though.
I'm not saying YABU, you're not. But I do think a little bit of warning that you are going to be enforcing your agreed working pattern would really help her and be a kindness.
Yes, she absolutely should have been prepared for this when her colleague left, and yes she has had time to work it out, but she was probably burying her head in the sand and hoping you'd just go with the flow.

If you feel able to, you could let her and the rota manager know that from July, you won't be able to accommodate these sort of patterns and will need to have your contracted 2/2/2 schedule. And as others have said, just keep pushing back on any snark.

In two weeks she and her husband can sort it out between them or find a child minder/babysitter. It will be hard on them to get used to this, and it might stretch them financially, so if she seems angry, I would try to understand it. Ultimately though, it isn't your concern. Good luck OP

I do rosters. Your request is completely reasonable. I hope you get it sorted.

It's really bloody hard to accept change when you've managed to find a system that works though.
I'm not saying YABU, you're not. But I do think a little bit of warning that you are going to be enforcing your agreed working pattern would really help her and be a kindness.

Yes some people find it hard to accept change when they're used to bulldozing people into doing what they want.

And be kind can fucking do one. The entitled colleague certainly isn't showing much kindness.

I'll ask for some oversight/ review of rostering, as now the team has full headcount it shouldn't be so eratic. Main manager did say rostering should settle down now. Other teams don't have this issue. Won't mention entitled colleague at all, just my contract if need be.

@Middlechild3 so have u had your roster or not?

I've seen the draft for the mext 2 months which is based on colleagues requested shifts. Impacts me hugely. Unacceptable and this needs nipping in the bud.

Great. If the roster for the next two months is available then you have something to to query with your line manager. "My contract is 2/2/2 and the roster is nothing like that."

it sounds like management wanting 'a shake up' that you mention in a previous edited post means that if you calmly state that the draft rota isn't the shift pattern in your contract and won't work for you, you will be supported when you push back.

Entitled colleague will have to start 'doing paid childcare', but be prepared for her to go down the 'I'll just go off sick' route that a lot of Mumsnetters think is an appropriate solution to situations that inconvenience them.

We didn’t “do paid childcare” and worked opposite shifts and days and both worked full time. There were things we could have claimed to fund childcare from tax relief to UC but we both came from stand on your own feet backgrounds and values. We both had formal flexible working arrangements agreements. If you need particular working arrangements to fit in with care obligations ask for this. If you are unhappy with your shifts (and I can understand your frustration) take a grievance with your line manager. It’s not a personal matter between you and the colleague.

I would take a copy of that and your contract to management and say you’d like your shifts to reflect your contract. I don’t think anyone would think you were unreasonable.

Yes, you're right really, she should get what she signed up for. Bit off if that other one is dictating everything. Sounds like so many workplaces. There's the rules and what should happen....and then there's what actually happens. And they are often not the same thing. It's often bullies and weak bosses that create the workplace environment.

It's not her you should be annoyed with it's the person who interviewed you and told you the shift pattern was different to what it actually is. If she has been working there for a long time her working arrangements will already be established and if she is a good worker they are unlikely to ask her to change.

One colleague cannot influence a whole teams rotas, I agree OP. She sounds entitled.

Do you think the rota manager has also been manipulated by this colleague, to always put her down for her chosen shifts, and it’s always been like this?

always in teams it’s about compromise, ie one person cannot always be allocated a certain shift every week, if others are entitled to ask to work this too. It needs to be fair. And granted some weeks you won’t get the shifts u want I’m sure, but due to your contract you should be offered a shift pattern near enough matching this, most of the time.

as the colleague has left who enabled her to get away with this, has left, and other new staff have started, surely it should now work out fairer? Do you think the rota manager will be fair if you spoke to him directly (do not agree any shifts directly with you colleague ever)?

Have you spoke to the person who does the rotas about this? Also are the other new staff happy with their allocated shifts? Don’t leave it too late to make your case.

Also go in diplomatically and say you understand u won’t get exactly what shifts u want ALL the time and will compromise, BUT, advise them that your shift pattern looks nothing like on your signed contract and that it needs amending. Be v polite but show u are not a pushover from the start

Best of luck OP.

Go to your manager and politely say that the proposed shift pattern doesn't work for you. If necessary, point out that you accepted the role on the basis of a 2/2/2 regular shift pattern.

Be interested to know what the roster man says when you complain!

Me too! The response will tell how this is going to pan out

Thats it.
No need to mention her at all.

The roster isn't what was agreed, will not work for you.

You want your agreed roster.
Then silence.

This is for them to fix or explain why they hired you under false pretence.

This is not for you to find a solution to.
Do not make the mistake of offering to bend.
You will regret it.

Join a union. Check with ACAS to about your position of signing an agreement and them changing it upon signing.

If only this question had been asked (multiple times) before, and OP had answered it....😒

OP clearly there are far more people like your colleague than anyone else would have expected!

How hard is it for people to understand - OP took the job on the basis she would be working a specific shift pattern, she signed a contract agreeing she would work a specific pattern - that pattern therefore works for her, and she doesn't want to change it! Which is completely reasonable.

I had the opposite. I was a middle manager in a school with caring responsibilities for both my mother and my husband. Yes, I did have paid help with my mother.

I was required to re-jig my department's timetable to accommodate the needs of a new start who was experienced but had moved to us from another school. I was informed that I could not give her any period 1 classes because she had 4 children.

On the one hand, she was supposedly experienced at teaching particular age groups; on the other hand, I was instructed to use my scant non-contact/management time to teach her how to grade certain courses. (In actual fact, she should have been using the available online sources as part of her required professional development.)

As a middle manager, I would normally have been expected to provide the above support for a probationer, but not for an experienced teacher. I'd also have been given extra non-contact time to work with a probationer.

She'd taken the LA to a tribunal for failing to make accommodations for her elsewhere, so I was getting the fallout - to the extent that my SLT expected me to write her report cards for her. I refused point blank.

The conversation was "X will not be writing report cards for her classes."

"Oh. So who's going to be writing them then?"

Silence.

In the end, a depute wrote her reports for her. This seemed utterly bizarre to me - and then it turned out that her husband was in the SLT in another school and was a former colleague of our HT.

I did wonder why no accommodations were being sought by her husband.

This situation contributed to my request for early retirement. The erosion of my managerial time caused by the above situation and my SLT trying to save money by piling more onto me meant that I was constantly in the school building until 7.30 pm and the situation became untenable.

Yes, I did consult my professional association for advice. As I was aware, there was little that I could do, given that teaching contracts in my area only state the minimum non-contact time for teaching staff as a whole. The non-contact time for managerial staff is only "understood".

The only area where I knew that I could not be forced was when it came to the report cards.

The last I heard of the colleague with accommodations was when her photograph appeared all over the front page of a newspaper after she caused a crash after driving whilst drunk.

The HT who insisted on extra accommodations finished up leaving his post sooner than he expected.

I think the point I'm making is that we agree that people are sometimes entitled to accommodations in whatever line of work, but you can't expect other people to cause stress and harm to themselves in order to go above and beyond legal entitlements for whatever reason.

💯