Colleague "doesn't do paid childcare" how to deal with situation?

[Middlechild3]

New role, shift work, told it would be a 'fairly' stable pattern mostly a combination of 2/2/2 pattern per cycle, except when someone is on leave (and then less or no day shifts). Colleague has boasted about not having to pay for childcare ever despite both her and husband both working full time with shift work (different employers).This has been facilitated because she request shifts around her husbands roster unofficially and the person who does the roster gives them to her at the expense of her colleagues. This is going to mainly be me as we are opposing shifts. This means she will request say all late shifts meaning I would get stuck with all early shifts. This wasn't what I signed up to when I took the job but the emotional blackmail has started and I know she wants the arrangement she had with my predessor to continue. I really have no interest in her childcare woes and think she needs to get paid help in. She's been very lucky for so long but with new staff things will change and she must see this. How to deal with this diplomatically but firmly? to be clear this isn't an HR arrangement she has, she has just buttered up the man who does the roster over the years.

Good luck - please come back and let us know how management respond

Your colleague sounds like an absolute nightmare and I hope she gets her comeuppance. I can’t believe people have enabled her behaviour for so long.
please keep us updated.

Well done OP for standing up for yourself!!! Your colleague sounds awful. I hope management sorts this out very quickly.

I think it's the new 'called out'

Which was the new 'turned round and said'

Those with dc shouldn't expect special treatment... Or bloody free childcare!

Well it depends how it’s done. Requesting a flexible working agreement for instance isn’t ‘demanding’, it’s your statutory right.

This^

The company should have employed on the other persons shift pattern if they want to accommodate the other shift worker - but that hasn't happened

I am with you OP - and this could also work with nursery/wraparound care as long as both parents weren't on the SAME shift e.g. one is on early, they go in, other one is on late and drops child off, one on earlies picks them up.
I don't know if your shifts have a handover period but if it's early morning, a lot of childminders start early, if evening use a normal evening babysitter. If daytime they will be at nursery/in school.

The contract doesn’t specify shifts, it will say you’re required to work a variety of hours and weekends. A candidate won’t be told what shifts are left in the whole pool because that can also change at any moment - people have annual leave, people move around to other stores. OPs contract may well say something along the lines of typical shift pattern but I’m sure there will be a caveat to that somewhere. It’s impossible for everyone to always have the ideal rota.

Not the same thing then. OP literally has a contract with her shift pattern on it.

I do rotas and have to say some people absolutely take the . I always just sucked it up what days and times I was given, but there are some complete * I have to deal with. Comments like, 'If you tell me my proposed rota, I'll confirm if I will approve it and 'Don't change my days off without my consent as I may have plans". The ones with the religious holidays are a nightmare too.

I worked with someone like this for 5 years in a small office. We were meant to cover each other. Always expected school holidays off. Eventually if I did want same time as her, we used an agency. Her kids weren’t even young (1 was a teenager) yet you’d think she had a houseful of under 5/10s. Plus she had a husband and older kids (adults) who did childcare or her parents helped out. Make plans to leave, she will not change.

I think this is sensible. Don’t turn it into a me and her situation. Keep the emotion out of it.
Look at how the job was advertised. These were your expectations. And talk to him about it.

This is not limited to childcare either.

I currently have a colleague who has carer responsibilities for her mother who lives with her. Coworkers husband retired. Coworker has 4 adult dc with spouses. Coworker has 4 siblings with spouses Co worker has hired help for mum. Yet co worker wants lavenderbrown to accommodate changes in the set work schedule. Co worker works 2 days a week but somehow carer needs fall on her work day which she would like lavenderbrown to accommodate.

Get management involved. In my case my boss was my colleague’s best friend so took her side in lots of things but he knew I was entitled to holiday and we did set a rota eventually. Didn’t stop her taking unpaid leave last minute which was approved (she got free flights and accommodation as her cousin was air hostess, she was most put out when cousin met someone and this stopped!).

Just reread your OP. Gosh she’s a sly one not sorting with HR. Agreed with pp take emotion of it. I’m surprised at her gall tbh expecting a new member of staff to do her bidding re this but smacks of entitlement. She’s lived on easy street too long there.

I'm glad I don't work with some of the pp, their comprehension skills are dire.
Shall we try big writing? OP DOESN'T WANT TO PICK AND CHOOSE SHIFTS JUST DO THE ROTA SHE WAS EMPLOYED TO DO. IF THE COLLEAGUE STRUGGLES WITH CHILDCARE OTHER JOBS ARE AVAILABLE. I would never do shift work, ops colleague has the same choice.

But OP won't be getting all early shifts. Once the colleague's husband has a shift change, so will the OP, meaning it'll disrupt her shift pattern again. Also means her work is dictated by her colleague's husband shift pattern changes.

All the OP wants is 2/2/2 or thereabouts shift pattern, which they signed up for when they got the job.

It's not difficult to understand. The OP hasn't asked for advice on what would the healthiest shift pattern be.

The coworkers personality is different to her being accommodated with her shifts. Two different issues even if she uses one to get the other. I assume as adults the management and staff can stand up to her seemingly awful personality.

That said I also understand how difficult
working shifts can be with children especially anything before 8am and after 6pm (the only times wraparound care is available locally). Au pairs are expensive so not really an option for most middle income families and also really hard to come by these days. If you don’t have family to help you're fucked.

I’m not saying her behaviour isn’t entitled or she isn’t a cunt of a colleague but you certainly won’t be endearing yourself to your team either and if I’m honest it sounds like this is the beginning of a queen bee power struggle. Out of curiosity were you really popular in your previous place of employment?

Just remember you’re in the early stages of employment and can be kicked out for any reason, she can’t. Cause too many waves and you’ll be the victim, not her.

@Middlechild3 I’m intrigued by ‘nm’ and would love to know what it means.

It means never mind, I did start to reply to an earlier post but realized I was just repeating myself, couldn't delete it so put nm. Nothing negative was written!

I’m not saying that this situation isn’t annoying for OP, but I’d really love to see the actual wording of this contract.

I can't believe how many people are being arsey about this.
OP applied for a job with 2/2 whatever rota. Interviewed for it, was given it and that's what the contract says. She can do the required pattern and wants to.

Someone else does not want to and thinks OP should have to deviate from the advertised, agreed and contracted pattern just to suit them. It doesn't matter why. And it's not a temporary emergency like a child in hospital.

How on earth do people think OP is being unreasonable?

you might want to contact acas for advise or join a union, working there under 2 years does mean you are limited in your approach

if the shift pattern keeps changing then you could write this in an email

Work Under Protest: Write an email stating: "I am working these new shifts under protest while we resolve this issue, as this is not the shift pattern I agreed to." This prevents them from claiming you implicitly accepted the new terms

Dear God I've heard it all now 😀.

I'm not competing in a popularity contest, I took the role after negotiating my salary and on clear t&c. This colleague unofficially doesn't want my t&c honoured because it doesn't suit her.
At least one member of the team was clearly utterly effed off with this so don't assume others aren't too.
Fwiw management expressed early on to me they want change and fresh blood on the team. They admitted they have been too hands off and let things slide. This person has no official FW agreement. Indeed she wouldn't get one because it would impact colleagues too much.
Her childcare issues are no concern of mine, nor should they impact me, I'm amazed some people think they are. There is no 'making waves' about this! New people always bring change to a team. Only those with something to lose are threatened by new staff and cling to the status quo. I think simply shining a spotlight on this to management should be enough.

Thats your view. OP isnt happy and thats what counts. She hasnt signed up for all early shifts.

If management want to change things and the other woman doesn’t have FW then I assume her shift pattern might change