Mansplanied

[Mimmi78]

I have been told by my boss to apologise for saying to an external colleague, “thanks for mansplaining to me”

Yesterday was a busy day, lots on, I work in busy financial services role, interact with lots of external stakeholders at other company. The interaction was,
me - hi can I have this thing
him - no because of this, then, tacked on end a full explanation of how thing works.
for context 27 years in my industry, know how thing works. Explanation not required. I should just have said it in my head but my skirt pocket was fresh outta Fs to give.

Boss sympathetic but just wants it to go away, demands written apology, let’s get to it ladies, help me write the best apology for this one.

"My boss has told to me to apologise. He has even more than my x years experience, and he's a man so he must be right. I apologise."

NO.

Yes, I’d be in this space too. Perhaps adding that, ‘in fact, the comment arose because you were deeply offended by his manner and tone and perhaps he would like to consider offering an apology also? After all, HR take a dim view of sexism in the workplace place these days. Or would it be better if we both walked away from this one?’

A hundred to one your boss is a bloke?

I would die on this hill.

I love each and every suggested response.

Genuinely did not and have not ever thought of this as a sexist comment, but I will take this on board. I suppose if a man complained about “womensplaining”, I would consider it sexist. Good point.

Yes, but in general an ally in quite a man heavy sector. Is very interested in taking courses to understand menopause, female work issues and disability. Has spoken at work events about how he has struggled with mental health at times too. It’s a tricky one for him as relationships are important in finance.

This one!!!!

Dear Twat

I apologise wholeheartedly for suggesting you were "Mansplaining" in my email today.

I was not asked to make an observation on your personal or professional behaviour and to do uninvited was unprofessional and unnecessary.

Please be reassured that I have 25 years in this industry with a career spanning X,Y and Z [link to linked in]. If at any time you feel my presentation is not in keeping with the depth of my experience I would welcome that feedback, both for our professional relationship and my own personal growth.

I look forward to working with you in openness and mutual respect.

[Probably not what you need but I enjoyed writing it!]

Print him out this

https://www.bbc.co.uk/worklife/article/20180727-mansplaining-explained-in-one-chart

Your colleague sounds overly emotional. Perhaps he should try smiling more?

My parents told me that it's not an apology if you end it with "but" and a further statement in support of your actions.

Dear Colleague.

I am sorry you felt annoyed by my use of the word "mansplained" when we were talking, but I felt that you minimised my 27 years experience.

Yours

@Mimmi78
(Include your qualifications in your signature block).

If the man is mansplaining he won't understand a subtle dig in an apology email. He will just see the apology and think he was right and you were wrong.

Personally I would mansplain mansplaining to him

I’m a woman but if I was your boss I’d have asked you to apologise as well. It’s an external colleague and you’ve basically accused him of being sexist (he probably was being sexist but you’d never prove it). Appreciate you already appreciate that OP.

I’d send a quick, “I’m sorry I was rude to you earlier, it’s been a long week, hope you have great weekend’. That way it’s done, you’ve done enough not to damage working relationships and you’ve not actually said you were wrong.

I really like this. I feel it could be extended by adding a bit to the algorithm. Did the person to whom you are explaining write the textbook? YES - stop being a stupid mansplaining twat. Just for clarity.

This!

He was being patronising
something men and women are on occasion
I’d have just said that he was being patronising

it is like saying to a female colleague who is reminding you about a deadline is don’t be such a “nagging wife”

Dear Jamie Oliver

I must apologise for my comment about mansplaining yesterday. I mistakenly thought you knew I had 25+ years experience as a chef. I should have realised my error when you explained to me how to fry an egg.

Have a great weekend,

Nigella

Good afternoon xxxx
id like to apologise for my use of the term mansplaining and any offence caused. It's been a long old week

Have a great weekend
(name)

The politician’s apology.

”I’m so sorry if you were offended by my comment. I absolutely did not intend to upset you, and will of course prioritise your feelings in our future interactions.”

Hello,

I apologise for my use of the word mansplaining. It would have been better had I pointed out that you were being offensive, speaking to me as though I’m a junior without the 27 years of experience I have.

Though I hope it won’t happen again, next time I’ll just point out that you’re being condescending and rude.

Thanks,

Your boss will not be thrilled having had to probably apologise to the external colleague ( or someone I assume your company deals with often but not a member of your company). Awkward. And potentially costly?

I would have assumed that you might have a working relationship with the person already or was it the first time you met ?

In a career where I could literally give hundreds of examples of experiences from over many years. Locked in a room by a boss at start of my career to “calm down”, the creepy boss who would get pissed and knock on my hotel room whenever we had to travel together (always take earplugs!) and lots of micro aggressions and everyday sexism, I just didn’t expect it to be a big deal. I will sincerely apologise to him, especially as I would probably not use that term again. It’s just another thing innit!

Is the man who mansplained saying he didn't?
If so, on what grounds?

Or is he complaining that you called him out it and hurt his feelings?

Oh the second one is excellent! 👍🏻