How to handle an EA challenging my role and reporting me to HR

[BettyBlue74]

I work with this woman at work. She is an EA to the MD. She snitched on me at work to HR because I was 'short' with her - i.e. I tried to shut down a conversation with something that had nothing to do with her. My boss and also HR manager whom I suspect doesn't like her either - told me to apologise to keep the peace even though I had legit reasons to wind that up very quickly. I also told them she has rolled her eyes at me a number of times and has been rather curt with me. I don't mean it to be tit for tat but she needs to be careful what she wishes for.

I'm the office manager, and she challenged me on which dept looked after what, which is something that has NOTHING to do with her - and then she proceeded to give me a direction on what to do next. She isn't my manager. I don't report to her. The only time it's appropriate is when her boss is hosting something such as the Xmas party, end of quarter morning teas etc. Not the day to day running of things. I've been in this job for 12 months - so I now know the lay of the land.

She once a couple of months ago tried to reach into my drawer where I keep security passes and told me to give this random (whom was signed in as a visitor) to give him a pass (these are expensive and I don't want too many floating around in case you forget to switch them off). This wasn't her visitor; he was a contractor who was on-site during the day. I told her is was all under control and she got upset. She also told me that putting something in my back mailroom would crowd it out. Again, nothing to do with her. She also CC my boss with a pre drafted email message to send to people when parcels arrived in the office - I hand deliver parcels and parcels are not getting lost - this was prompted by the fact that someone had to chase up if a parcel had been delivered or not - she told the person it had...but she didn't leave it at that - she then drafted that email message I should send to people when they have parcels arrive.

I'm worried that she has legit grounds to tell me what to do - that hides behind powerful people to give her snitching legitimacy. So...what are your thoughts? I know I have to suck it up, but I how do I deal with this person?

EA walk a tricky line as they really are there to support the work of MD.

It might be worth trying to get along with the EA as they generally know a fair but about keeping the organization running smoothly. Are you fairly new to the type of work you are doing?

In terms of the mail hand delivery is lovely but you really should be noting when/where this happens so an email is good practice. It's certainly how we do it my work.

No...like I said I'm not new. I've been doing the job for 12 months. I know the job and the lay of the land. I get alot of good feedback. If I email people, they will leave the parcel there for ages... it was my way of getting to know people and making sure they got their parcels. It has nothing to do with her - it was a directive. That is the issue - telling me what to do. I've worked with great EA's and it has been a collaboration not an opportunity to hide behind power.

Hmm, it's starting to read as though you think you know everything you need to know and don't know how to handle feedback - PP is suggesting that you email people to confirm parcel delivery, not that you follow the EA's suggestion.

You don't need to do everything the EA says but you do need to forge a good working relationship with her. Cab you dee how it would benefit you? What are you doing to manage that relationship?

What would I do?
Keep the security passes in a locked drawer.
Build relationship with EA.
Be proactive in making my plans visible, including collecting feedback and implementing improvements off the back of it.

I think the point above was that you should email people about their parcel as well as hand delivering, so there is a record. I hope you get good advice on the rest.

okay - no one gets it. done.

I can see how it would be very irritating having someone tell you how to do things when you feel like they have no authority over you but I am also trying to imagine a situation where I would “shut a conversation down that had nothing to do with someone” especially in the context of office manager/EA tasks. I am the first person to get annoyed if someone starts mansplaining my job to me but then then I smile and say “great suggestion thank you!”.

As pp said, the best thing you can do is to be clear about your plans, take anything she says as “feedback”, be cheerful and say thanks, write things that she suggests down and tell her you’ll discuss with your line manager.

Don’t be short with her and don’t start complaining about her or create a drama between you (obviously in this case she complained about you first) but it won’t serve you well to make it “personal” - you’ll come out much better if you remain professional even if she isn’t.

Obviously that wouldn’t apply if she was bullying you etc but it doesn’t sound like she is. She’s just being extra involved.

If there are particular processes she is suggesting change, you could be on the front foot - tell her thanks for her suggestion, set up a brainstorming meeting to discuss the issue with her and your line manager (and maybe MD if appropriate), set the agenda, pros and cons of the different ways of doing things, get an agreement. Maybe her suggestion could be implemented in some way and make things better, if it’s a crap suggestion then at least you’ve shown willing and then she has to own her interfering?

?

Oh dear

I can see why there’s a problem.

Honestly... this is a strange response.
So is describing her behaviour as "snitching"...

Snitching? Are you 14?

I think based on this response, and your refusal to see things differently in your previous response, it doesn’t actually seem like the EA is the one in the wrong and has a communication problem…

EAs can hold a lot of power so tread carefully OP.

EAs are generally speaking on behalf of the person they work for. In my experience it’s really bad idea to piss them off whether you like them or not.

and everyone else is the problem???

Why leap to that conclusion after only three posts in response to yours? Were you seriously expecting a load of posts unanimously agreeing with you within an hour of posting at 5.15 am?

Never piss off an EA - regardless of who you are. They carry more power than you know - the MD’s life is in their hands.

Sorry but this sounds like a you problem. I'm a director and I would absolutely expect my EA to be able to give instructions to building services (in our company that is who would have responsibility for the mail and visitor access), Emails about parcels sounds like a good idea.

She may well have over reacted about you being short with her, impossible to tell.

Oh dear - your attitude in your post does sound aggressive and superior. Using terms such as ‘snitching’ is teenage playground behaviour.
Maybe reflect on how you speak to her - you’re both there to do a job and HR / management shouldn’t be acting as a referee between you.

Given your responses here, it seems like you may be responding badly to the work situation you describe.

Are you making the mistake of seeing her interventions as criticisms, rather than as her simply wanting to do her own job as she sees it? Try to remember that it isn't really about you; its about getting the relevant tasks done efficiently.

Depending on the details of her job role, she may be helping or potentially hindering -- but her behaviour only hinders if you find it annoying.

Could you not talk through your respective job roles in a non-defensive way to make sure that you are both doing your jobs properly? Perhaps your formal job descriptions will help? Or perhaps you need your boss to clarify them a bit

You say you have been in role a long time but 12 months is nothing. It sounds like you don't respect existing hierarchies or even try to get the lay of the land and have gone into the role with rigid ideas about how you will do it and can't tolerate the idea that others may have been there longer and have more authority over you. Your behaviour on this thread shows you have a very low tolerance for people not immediately understanding your perspective and a difficulty in taking in other people's perspective.

I do feel for you. She sounds insufferable.

But…. it doesn’t really matter to most employers who is right or wrong or a pain in the neck. They’re not interested in what’s fair or reasonable from your perspective: all they care about is the job getting done with minimal hassle and no distracting animosity.

To do your job you need to be able to work with her. On occasion that will mean nicely putting her back in her box. On others it will involve going along with a request that doesn’t actually matter.

Good managers can manage all types of people. Work out what makes her tick and play to that. Even if you don’t feel it, appear professional, pleasant and reasonable at all times. Iron fist in velvet glove.

When things calm down maybe some pleasantries could be exchanged about weather or something innocuous.

You seem very arrogant and entirely closed off to the possibility that there might be better ways to do things. As office manager you’re there to facilitate the running of the business, so it’s surely part of your job to make sure processes are as efficient as they should be? Just assuming your way is the right way and brooking no change isn’t compatible with running a business.

Where I work we have expected behaviours against which we are measured in our performance reviews. One is ‘committed to continuous improvement’. This sits on my FJP even though I’ve been doing my job for 20 years. It’s an important reminder that new approaches and perspectives can bring valuable insights. I encourage all members of my team, including the newest and most junior, to contribute to discussions because all perspectives are valuable and can be revelatory if processes and people are stuck in “old ways” of doing things.

You need to look at yourself here. If healthy challenge to the status quo makes you this uncomfortable you’re clearly not feeling confident or secure in your abilities. I’d start there in looking for ways to get along better with people at work.

A year still makes you a relative newbie. You may not like her attitude and it sounds like she has crossed the line a bit.

However your attitude to the first couple of posts is interesting.

As is accusing her of ‘snitching’

Presumably she has been there longer than you? She possibly knows more about the firm than you. Perhaps wandering around hand delivering parcels so you can get to know people isn’t what people want, for example.

You need to suck it up, ignore when necessary. Be outwardly professional/friendly. Don’t go running to HR about her rolling her eyes. If her complaints to HR are unreasonable, then I’m sure they will see that.

Oh and I have seen for myself people coming in, ignoring the well meaning advice of more experienced people and it’s not ended well for them.

If it came to it, you haven’t been there long enough to qualify for employment protection without a protected characteristic. If she is spinning as you can’t take constructive criticism etc then it may well be you out the door.

I'm so glad I'll be retiring soon and will leave the toxic world of office bitchery behind.