Poorly kids and no WFH options, aibu to be frustrated that my manager says I'm taking too much short notice leave?

[TrixieTrix]

I have 2 kiddos;

The eldest is 6 and she has Autism and ADHD (diagnosed) and has pica behaviours, so despite our best efforts this kid gets sick because although we are on it at home if she plays outside at school she will probably eat something she shouldn't.

She also just seems super prone to every cough/cold/bug going.

The youngest is 16 months and also gets every bug going since starting nursery.

It means I have to use a lot of A/L to cover sickness because my husband leaves for work at 6am so if they wake up with something it falls to me. (If it's multiple days or starts at a weekend etc my husband will organise to WFH or take the day off equally)

My manager pulled me in to say I was having too much short notice leave but what can I do? If my kids are sick and can't go to school/nursery and they won't let me WFH, I'll either have to take it off unpaid or use A/L.

My job can be done from home but my manager doesn't like WFH in general so doesn't allow it and I've never pushed back on it because I've always managed.

It's normally only a day at a time because I organise childcare with my husband/mum/sister so I can get back to work asap.

I don't know what more I can do? Am I missing some magical solution here?

I'm anxious and on edge all the time anyway because I have a disabled kid now I have to worry about work as well.

Is there any advice people can give for solutions that you have found?

You can use parental leave or time off for dependants for this. It's unpaid though.
Does your employer know you have a child with a disability ? That may give you some additional rights

Hey,

Yeah she knows she is disabled as we are going through the EHCP process at the moment so I've had to book time off for meetings.

I know I can take parental leave, I'd just rather use A/L. I've had to go part time and money is a struggle with mortgage/bills etc to pay!

Do you have a partner that can help? Normally in my house I take a day off when the kid's are sick and dh takes it next time.

As you have a toddler and a 6 year old WTF is not something many companies will allow as you cannot care for a sick toddler, young child and work. Also from a HR perspective if they say yes to you WTF and you caring for a very young child and something happens to that child then they maybe held liable. When your children get older and are more self sufficient then your employer may allow it.

Are you using annual leave in every circumstances? Does your employer have other polices that you could use?
It sounds like your manager does think you can wfh with poorly children which I agree with.
I don’t think there is a magic answer unfortunately but I’d try and sit down and have a pro active conversation with your manager.

@Fundays12your question is answered in the OP

How many days are you taking? That might help guide a response.

Also is your job one where if you’re off you just pick up your workload the next day, or does it impact your colleagues who need to pick it up?

I agree, have you had a proper conversation with your manager, framed as ‘sickness is going to happen - all kids get sick. How are we going to manage this?’ If they want to facilitate you to get the work done, they are going to need some flexible thinking. I feel as though your DP could step up more too, for example if you know one of them is going to likely be off for more than one day.

Sending sympathy - the amount of illness is probably partly down to the age that they are. They seem to pick up anything going in the months after they first start nursery and spread it to the rest of the family. It does usually get better!

I don’t suppose switching to a nanny is an option? It would not be financially for a lot of us but Mumsnet is a broad church and it would give you the freedom to still go to work in most circumstances, even when they are sick….

We have access to unpaid leave, but with recently moving down to part time salary I just can't afford it.

I work 5 days a week but less hours (4 hours a day) at their request and I've changed my kids nursery to reflect that, I'm trying to be really accommodating and I've not asked for WFH because I understand that it may not be possible .

I just don't want to be made to feel guilty for using a/l because the service suffers, my kids have to be my priority

You're more protected if you take it as emergency parental leave because then it's clear and there are rules preventing you from being unfairly treated. It's really hard.

Does your eldest get DLA? If you didn't work, would you be entitled to Universal Credit? You'd get an extra element for your child's disability, plus a carer's element. I ask because this is exactly what UC is for. I have three children with SN and I had to give up my career as a nurse to care for them because I just couldn't be reliable at work and I didn't have a good back up.

If the kids are ill for more than one day my husband always splits this equally with me.

I also have my Mum/Sister who help when they can but they both still work as well so it's limited

Yes she does get DLA and we are looking into UC but I think it's becoming more likely I'll be giving up work.

Especially if she doesn't get a special school place!

You can't use parental leave for this. It has to be taken in 1 week blocks and booked in advance (I think 6 weeks).

Annual leave it’s usually the case you have to give twice as much notice as the length of leave so they would be within their rights to refuse

@TrixieTrix You can’t use parental leave for emergencies. It’s emergency leave for dependents. Unless your employer offers carers leave.

Do you rent? You might find that your income is similar if you stop working.

If you rent you'd get

Couple's element
Housing costs element
2 x child element
Disabled child element
Carer's element

Then you'd have a £427 work allowance for your DH, before 55% of the remainder is taken from your award.

You would also be better off claiming Carer's Allowance, even though UC would take that amount from your award, because it would give you class 1 National Insurance credits, which are better than the class 3 that UC gives.

If you have a disabled child you can use one day at a time. Advance notice is still required though.

Yeah your manager sounds like a dinosaur, bet they either don’t have kids or have a wife who does everything!
There is no magic solution unfortunately apart from looking for a more flexible job

At my work you could work from home and also qualify for 5 days a year paid carers leave as your daughter is disabled. Have you looked for jobs in public sector?

Could your husband take the first days off instead of you, so it isn't quite such short notice?

You can't WFH with kids at home anyway.

In the original post she says he's left for work by 6am, so I inferred he already left before they get up and know a child is ill.

You can't WFH in this situation whilst looking after a 16 month old or poorly 6 year old so that's understandable why your employer won't allow it.