Poorly kids and no WFH options, aibu to be frustrated that my manager says I'm taking too much short notice leave?

[TrixieTrix]

I have 2 kiddos;

The eldest is 6 and she has Autism and ADHD (diagnosed) and has pica behaviours, so despite our best efforts this kid gets sick because although we are on it at home if she plays outside at school she will probably eat something she shouldn't.

She also just seems super prone to every cough/cold/bug going.

The youngest is 16 months and also gets every bug going since starting nursery.

It means I have to use a lot of A/L to cover sickness because my husband leaves for work at 6am so if they wake up with something it falls to me. (If it's multiple days or starts at a weekend etc my husband will organise to WFH or take the day off equally)

My manager pulled me in to say I was having too much short notice leave but what can I do? If my kids are sick and can't go to school/nursery and they won't let me WFH, I'll either have to take it off unpaid or use A/L.

My job can be done from home but my manager doesn't like WFH in general so doesn't allow it and I've never pushed back on it because I've always managed.

It's normally only a day at a time because I organise childcare with my husband/mum/sister so I can get back to work asap.

I don't know what more I can do? Am I missing some magical solution here?

I'm anxious and on edge all the time anyway because I have a disabled kid now I have to worry about work as well.

Is there any advice people can give for solutions that you have found?

It’s sooo hard, I don’t know why it’s not talked about more. My DH could do none of the sickness and my job (seeing patients) could not be done from home. I’m 3 months into a break from work

it’s not you, it’s an impossible situation. I hope your employer becomes more understanding

I can’t see many employers allowing WFH with sick DC on a regular basis

But people cant WFH and provide childcare maybe this is the reason so many people are against it, employers pay emplyees to work not care for children

If you take emergency time off for dependants then you are legally protected. If you choose to request ir as annual leave your employer is entitled to say no.

Op said she has to man the reception. I cant see how that can be done from home unless someone else is covering that? So can she wfh?

Sending sympathy and support OP. As a mum to an ASD child with Arfid and PDA profile I know how tough it is. I was a SAHM for 4 years and started working full time 8 months ago and it just isn't possible to work full time with a disabled child. I have a consultancy business wfh but travel alot and I'm burnt out, ready to quit. It sucks.

Yes I thought that. OP are the reception visitors possible to allocate to someone else on occasion if you were given other tasks and could that be part of the arrangement?
Also WFH with small kids can be done if the work.is not immediate ( and let's face it most things can wait) or if it's occasional like 7 days since Jan is not all the time. Most people did it through COVID for example. If a child's in bed or right there watching TV you aren't neglecting them by doing something else.
OP you are the best judge of whether your job can be done at home. A manager not being ' keen' sounds very idiosyncratic. There are managers who do not have problems like this and will accommodate.

Use parental leave, that’s what it’s intended for.

It doesn’t sound like you are very happy where you are with work. Your manager sounds like she is making your life harder and deliberately being unsupportive. Is there a HR department? Do you want to stay where you are? You need more support.. you sound like you might be a few years off a breakdown tbh.

When I had a bad manager who was unreasonable like yours, I applied for and got a lateral transfer to work under a different manager. I would explore that before quitting work. Staying in work as a mother is better in the long run.

I do ‘t think you can use parental leave for this. Pretty sure you need to give a minimum of 21 days notice for parental leave

A few thoughts. First, you may have grounds to request flexible working formally, specifically WFH on short notice when children are ill. Put it in writing citing your eldest's disability as this gives you some protection under the Equality Act since you're a carer for a disabled child.

Equally the children's father could also request flexible working or look to change jobs since it's his early starts that are causing the problems. Why are mothers always expected to risk their jobs/pensions when the children have another parent at home?
7 days in 12 weeks is a lot OP. If that carried on you would be using all your annual leave for short notice sickness. Annual leave usually needs to be booked in advance so your employer can ensure there are enough staff on. I can see why this is causing them problems.

Use parental leave, that’s what it’s intended for.

Just because so many people keep saying this. Parental leave has to booked in advance and taken in 1 week blocks and it has to be agreed by your employer who can decline as long as they offer you another week, so it's not suitable for last minute sickness.

I am sorry. This sound enormously stressful but I think the job and your home life aren’t compatible. I think a lot of people missed that you work reception. You can’t do that from home, and you shouldn’t be asking to work while caring for poorly children - as noted, you need to watch your older one like a hawk so it’s not like you could multitask anyway. Personally I’d start looking for another job, but I’d also run the numbers and make sure it actually makes sense for you to work.

If your husband can’t help and you have no emergency help and you can’t flex your hours and you can’t work from home… you aren’t missing anything and this isn’t your fault but this isn’t working. I wouldn’t be able to keep approving last min annual leave several times a month, particularly when it’s actually emergency leave for a dependent. That’s not a great setup for a manager as that’s not what annual leave is for and I’d be failing in my duty of care to you. At my work, you’re asked to give several week’s notice for annual leave so cover can be organised. Emergency leave is what this is and we get 2 week’s prorated a year. Once this is out, it’s unpaid.

I have a child with additional needs and manage a team of people with all sorts of challenges. I am as flexible and as fair as I can’t be, and am always happy to talk about flexible working or childcare challenges or health issue adjustments. But this specific situation is very challenging and I can understand why your employer is struggling.

What was your attendance like in previous years?

Can you flex your hours if you only work 4 hours a day? Eg if partner leaves at 7(?) you wake up after and realise a child is ill then ask if he can come home early at say 2 and then you work 2-6? If you can do 'shifts' to cover it often means you can both get at least 80% of the job done on the day and it would be reasonable to ask for some flex there. You could also ask of you can make the hours up - if you only work 4 hours whilst the kids are in care can you up to 6 or at least 5 to make up the time?
It's crap when managers are short sighted. If you are having more than 10 days off a yr to cover kids illnesses this is difficult for them and you to manage. You will also have no downtime al left either and it's hard on you.

7 days of absence in that short period is a lot and as a manager I’d also be seeing this a a red flag. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I wasn’t.

Obviously as you work reception you can’t work from home so that’s not an option.

You say your husband leaves at 6am, but why can’t he turn around and come home and share the load. Surely preferable that losing your job.

For all those who are saying employers are unfair and unreasonable and should be more empathetic -at the end of the day, you hire people to work for you because you need them to be there to work. You’re not doing people a favour. Harsh, but unfortunately true.

7 days since January, plus time off for appointments is an awful lot.

I don't see how you think you could work from home when you said you can't take your eyes off your child for a moment? You can't be working and caring for a child at the same time.

A bad manager who is unreasonable for expecting their employees to show up to work?

Can't he come back?

I agree that I'd be annoyed as your manager that the burden wasn't being shared equally.

OP I sympathise with the sicknesses going around and you prioritising your kids. However from the employer’s perspective it’s not their issue to resolve. You really need to adjust your expectations towards this and work with them to find a resolution that works longterm because simply saying ‘I don’t want to be made to feel guilty because the service suffers’ isn’t the right attitude.

Then honestly, he needs to come back. Your work is bearing the brunt of this, your employer has raised it, your husband needs to be doing an equal number of the first days of illness.

From an employers point of view this is not good. It looks like you are just not able to hold a full time job. Your child needs you to be at home.

Looks like it doesn’t pay to own your own home.