Poorly kids and no WFH options, aibu to be frustrated that my manager says I'm taking too much short notice leave?

[TrixieTrix]

I have 2 kiddos;

The eldest is 6 and she has Autism and ADHD (diagnosed) and has pica behaviours, so despite our best efforts this kid gets sick because although we are on it at home if she plays outside at school she will probably eat something she shouldn't.

She also just seems super prone to every cough/cold/bug going.

The youngest is 16 months and also gets every bug going since starting nursery.

It means I have to use a lot of A/L to cover sickness because my husband leaves for work at 6am so if they wake up with something it falls to me. (If it's multiple days or starts at a weekend etc my husband will organise to WFH or take the day off equally)

My manager pulled me in to say I was having too much short notice leave but what can I do? If my kids are sick and can't go to school/nursery and they won't let me WFH, I'll either have to take it off unpaid or use A/L.

My job can be done from home but my manager doesn't like WFH in general so doesn't allow it and I've never pushed back on it because I've always managed.

It's normally only a day at a time because I organise childcare with my husband/mum/sister so I can get back to work asap.

I don't know what more I can do? Am I missing some magical solution here?

I'm anxious and on edge all the time anyway because I have a disabled kid now I have to worry about work as well.

Is there any advice people can give for solutions that you have found?

Apologies I missed the bit about your husband taking time off to.

I have a child with ASD, ADHD and Arfid. He is in specialist provision placement at a school. I also have a child with health issues. Having both has meant its impossible to hold down a job in the week.

The first thing that sticks out to me is 4 hours over 5 days is hard when a child gets sick. Your actually better doing a couple of full days a week because its easier to cover sickness wise. Secondly your child is disabled so the law is slightly different. Look up ACAS and speak to them. If your extra time off is as a direct result of your child's disability the law offers more protection to you as a working parent.

OP given your working 4 hours a day and paying childcare are you earning much from working? Is it worth the stress? I ended up working weekends when I was at your stage. I now work bank shifts

Oh God @TrixieTrix that is very tough especially with an unsupportive manger. Ive been there except it was a completely unsupportive type of job not specifically a manager.

We have 3, 2 with ASD and when they were younger it was a nightmare. Eventually DH set up a business from home to give us a degree of flexibility we would not have otherwise had. Many other parents in our peer group of children with ASD, usually mothers (really always the way, isn’t it?) took time off work to get through this period.

Could either yourself or your DH get something more flexible, it saved us a lot of stress.

I can see both sides....it's difficult to run a service or whatever when you have a member of staff taking leave at short notice but I can see you don't have any other option OP and are doing what you can to mitigate the impact. The only suggestion I have is if your mum/sister are willing to help could the be drafted in on tge actual day your DC falls ill some of the time?

Could you not ask your manager if you can work the 4 hours missed over the next couple of days rather than taking leave?

Also…

Your legal right to request flexible working

Under the about:blank Flexible Working Regulations 2014 (updated in 2024):

• You can request flexible working from day one of a new job (no longer need 26 weeks’ service).
• You can make up to 2 requests per year.
• Your employer must respond within 2 months.
• They must consult with you before refusing.

👩‍👧 What counts as “flexible working”?

It can include:

• Changing your hours (e.g. part-time, compressed hours)
• Changing your start/finish times
• Working from home or hybrid
• Job-sharing
• Term-time working (popular with parents)

🧾 What employers must do

Your employer must:

• Handle your request in a reasonable manner
• Consider the pros and cons
• Discuss alternatives if needed

They can refuse, but only for specific business reasons.

❌ Valid reasons they can refuse

These are set in law, including:

• Extra costs would harm the business
• Negative impact on performance or quality
• Inability to reorganise work among staff
• Not enough work during the times you want to work

They can’t just say no because they don’t like it.

👶 Extra support for parents

While the law applies to everyone, parents often benefit from:

• Stronger indirect discrimination protection (e.g. if refusal disproportionately affects women as primary carers)
• Protection under the about:blank Equality Act 2010

🛑 Important to know

• It’s a right to request, not an automatic right to get it.
• But employers must take it seriously and justify any refusal.

✍️ What to include in a request

You don’t need a formal essay anymore, but it helps to include:

• What change you want
• When you want it to start
• How it could work in practice
• (Optional but helpful) How it affects the business and how you’ll manage that

👍 Real-world tip

The strongest requests usually:

• Show you’ve thought about coverage, workload, and impact
• Offer trial periods (e.g. “Could we review after 3 months?”)

I would say it would be better to work your 20 hours over 3 days if you can. That way, the odds are that some of the sickness days will fall on your NWD. Or if not, perhaps option to swap days or work the hours back the following week?

Do you have an HR department? I think you need to have a meeting and notify them formally that you have a child with disabilities and basically make it all above board and make sure your line manager is formally notified that arrangements need to be made for you. They can formalize it, put in place checks to confirm all your work is complete etc so it's fair - because it sounds like you're not trying to avoid the work and know you'll need to catch up? So as long as you do that they just need to adjust their attitude to WFH as an exception.

As a separate point even without the PICA many autistic children are more prone to coughs and colds. Poor core strength is a massive feature of autism, most autistic kids have sub-par diaphragm function so their coughs aren't as effective. My son's at a special school and alllll the autistic kids are plagued with coughs and colds every winter.

So this challenge isn't going to go away, you need a long term solution.

Mine was I have kept a full time nanny forever as we have no family support and I work full time in a very inflexible job, but that of course is a massively gold-plated solution which is unaffordable for most.

But what if the sickness fell on the working day... then they'd be taking the whole week off in one go.

Also logistics school run - most after school clubs won't take SEN kids so wrap-around care for us SEN parents is an absolute nightmare.

But flexible working is about a set routine they can enshrine in a contract, ie: I work compressed hours, or I start at 7 and finish at 4 etc. It's not about indefinite right to ad-hoc time off or chopping and changing arrangements to move things around on the day and work from home on in-office days etc.

The OP needs to have a discussion around them taking a more sympathetic approach to last-min requests based on very specific circumstances. It's a reasonable request which any reasonable employer should accommodate, but it's not covered by the legislation you quote.

How can you work from home if you’re looking after a sick child? I mean I don’t know what your job is but can you really focus on what you need to do? Can you make phone calls or be on a Teams call undisturbed and look after a poorly child at the same time? You have to be fair to your employer.

Requests like this where the boss knows you’ll be trying to do both (and struggling to do a good job of either) are why there is increasing push back about wfh I think.

This sounds really hard, OP, and it’s so sad that you giving up work seems to be the best option. That should not be the case.
How many days have you actually taken?
Did your manager have any suggestions of what you should do? It’s all very well then saying that it can’t go on but they need to help with solutiions, too.
I agree with PPs re speaking to ACAS. I ado agree re compressing your hours of possible.
Good luck x

Wellll... normally I'd agree but the OP works part time. So to cover 5 hours during the day... maybe 2 hours in the afternoon whilst poorly children sleep or watch a movie, then 3 hours in the evening when they are in bed and / or when partner gets in from work. People did similar setups during lockdown and it worked ok-ish. Not ideal long term but for a day here and there should be possible without putting extra pressure on the team or leaving work unfinished.

She's said she works part time so it's 5 hoursish to cover in the course of a day. Not ideal but could definitely catch up in the evenings when partner home, do a bit in the day whilst kids nap or watch a movie.

Of course if the job is nonstop customer contact during working hours not possible. But many more paper-based roles it is possible.

It's not what you want to hear, but I had to give up my job. We have DCs with SEN and not a week goes by without illness, appointments or EBSA.

Sounds hard OP
i do wfh when my kids are sick because actually sick kids sleep so plenty of time to work.

Have an honest convo with your boss.
and tell them I can do my 5h on days my kids wake up sick but will need to be from home and done flexibly. Ask if they can support this? Especially as you have a disabled child.

then muddle through like we all are.

and. If your employer is not supportive you will need to find a job that is. A PITA for sure but note you are In the trenches right now. Small child will stop getting sick so often.
And things will change with your older child

you need to explain the situation. Incl that your DH also pulls his weight but leaves at 6am so on the day sickness falls onto you

My job is admin and I cover the reception door (it's not an open reception but we get postman/some visitors etc)

I'm not asking to work from home, I just want to not be made to feel guilty when my kids are sick, which is more often than most I admit but trust me I'd rather be at work than looking after a sick kid who pukes when they cough to much!

The 4 hours a day is to accommodate works request because they still wanted me in every day and I've updated my daughter's nursery hours to reflect this and can't change it again until next term (free funded hours)

I'm frustrated that me trying to meet their request is making them stressed at me when my kids inevitably get ill.

Hey, they do get ill at this age. Just ride it out, it will gwt better

ypur husbands needs to split the days off though. I can see how this is frustrating for your employer.

Firstly sit down with her and make a formal flexible working request. You are entitled legally to ask. Also talk to human resources if their is one. might be good to get them on side.

When my kids are ill me and my dh wfh and take it in turns to look after them. Usually work into the evening to make up for it. Something get bits and pieces done when they are wat hing tv . This is how it should be if you have a job you can wfh with and a good boss. Naturally, we are very lucky to have jobs that can be home based.

Is a new job with wfh an option? I work in local government. It's not wonderful pay but it's totally flexible.

Seems a real shame for you to give up work . It's also pretty bad management. A good manager would want to keep their staff happy and motivated. Part of this is taking circumstances into consideration. You deserve better.

I know, but my manager doesn't seem to remember that!

My husband does split with me, he is just at work normally on the first day as he leaves out before they are awake.

How many days have you taken in the last 3 months?

And do you start first thing in the morning, or later on in the day?

You still haven’t said how many days off you’ve taken, OP.

You’re right. Without knowing the demands of the job it’s impossible to know if it could be done at other times when @TrixieTrix isn’t also looking after their dc.

This still doesn’t mean that their boss has to be happy about it though if it’s not in their contract.

There was a news article today saying kids get on average 18 bouts of illness in their first year at nursery, which is so tough for the parents.

If it’s just the short notice issue that’s bothering your manager (as it’s your AL and so you’re not taking any more leave than anyone else), which I can understand, then is there anything practical you can do to help whoever has to cover reception when you’re off?