How to fit in more me time around a 9-5 job?

[Workingmum85]

Hey, I am after any tips you may have to help inject some me time in around my 9-5. For context, i am a mum of 2 primary school aged kids and I work 37.5 hours and am solely office based.

Last year I was in a 35 hour week flexi, remote position and worked a condensed 9 day fortnight until my redundancy which is why I think I find my current set up exhausting. Below is my typical day mon-fri, any suggestions on how to carve some time for me would be appreciated

5:45 get up and do 15 minute YouTube strength training
6:15 30 minute dog walk
6:45 feed dog, make coffee, pack up kids bags and get kids breakfast
7:15 drink coffee and get myself ready
8:10 leave house (husband does school run)
9 start work
lunch time: 30 minute walk around business park
6 get home, make dinner, eat dinner
7 tidy kitchen, make packed lunches and sort stuff for following day (husband does bedtime)
8-9 this is “my” time where I try and read but usually fall asleep

I do try and get one run in at least one night and one night I ferry the kids swimming and one night I do housework

weekends are better, I do park run and spend time with my family etc but Monday to Friday is a bit work, eat, sleep, repeat. After I’ve been in my role 18 months I plan to look for something more remote/flexible but in the meantime, any words of wisdom?

It depends what sort of me time you want.
Getting up at 5:45 and not leaving until 8:10 is a huge amount of time, even with a dog walk. If you condensed that you wouldn’t feel the need to go to bed so early.
If you want to carve out time it involves breaking the normal routine, when does your DH get back from work? Say it’s 6, one night a week you just go out at 6 surely?
You could do a workout class, meet a friend for dinner, go to the cinema, read a book in the pub with a glass of wine.

I think somewhere in the strength training, dog walk, 55 minutes of coffee and getting ready (is this also getting the kids ready? Can DH help here?) and 50 minutes of commute you need to reframe some of that as me-time, depending on what it is you're trying to do with that time.

To be honest I don't know many parents who manage to exercise daily without that being their "me-time".

I also find it hard to read in the evenings so I read on my commute - either on kindle or audiobook if I'm driving. That's a solid 2 hours of reading daily.

Audiobooks are a great idea for the walk and commute, although I do prefer “reading”. My husband WFH so I could go out for dinner etc and I do occasionally but with DH doing all the school runs, getting the kids ready for school and fixing them their snacks after school in amongst his own working day, I don’t want to take the mick by being absent in the evenings and making him do the dinner and bed routine solo too if that makes sense. I do go for a run at 6 one evening a week but I think any more than this would be leaving DH to do too much given he does everything in the daytime

Maybe try protecting one evening a week just for yourself and leave the chores for another day. Even a small 15-minute quiet break can make a big difference.

I’m actually failing to see where you’re not getting “me” time?! you have time in the morning, you have a walk at your lunch break, you have time in the evening. Your DH does drop off and bedtime. who does collection? Where are you spending time with your dc?

He does collection too. I spend time with them in the evenings between 6-7 whilst doing dinner and eating etc and on the weekends. Yeah I know the dog walk and lunch walk are technically “me time” I’m just more on about time to indulge in my hobbies, reading a book, watching a good Netflix series without falling asleep ten minutes in or seeing friends etc.

Doing dinner and eating is not quality time with your children… sorry I know that sounds harsh. You are being present yes, as in you are physically there, but where are you spending quality time talking to them and being with them? For me reading a book,watching Netflix, seeing friends all occur on a more ad hoc basis this is not something I plan into my week. And yes, I also work a 39 hour a week, as does my DH.

I guess on the weekend then, which I know is not ideal but if I’m out of the house from 8:10-6 and bedtime is at 7 there isn’t much I can do about that.

i think I’m caught in the trap of comparing my life now to what it was with a 7:30-4 WFH position and that’s like comparing chalk and cheese. I feel that this job is a temporary measure and hopefully I’ll get another remote/hybrid role next year which will help massively

It’s a matter of priorities, you do a work out every morning, go for a walk every morning and every lunch time and don’t want to do anything in the evening.
You can’t have everything, you could skip the lunch time walk and read a book instead , you could go out one evening a week with a friend, you could skip the slow morning with a workout and a peaceful coffee and stay up later to watch a movie with your DH.
You have a decent amount of the day carved out for yourself. It’s down to you to prioritise.

You could do bedtime for one of them each night? I don’t understand why you wouldn’t to be honest?! is this a reverse?

I leave at 6.30am on office days (3 per week) and don’t get back until 6pm(ish). I am ruthlessly organised the evening before an office day - breakfast and lunch made and in the fridge, DC bags packed and by the door, my outfit hanging on the wardrobe (including underwear!) ready to go. Full shower and hair washed so I can have a quick wash in the morning.
School runs are done as part of an informal liftshare I organised so we don’t do one every day 🙌
I do two evening classes out of the house per week (1 hobby, 1 exercise) listen to audiobooks/podcasts on my commute and watch Netflix series slowly while on our static exercise bike for 2x30 minute sessions per week.
DC is ferried to her hobby every evening after school either by me of DH.
Cleaning is a weekend activity in the main (although we tidy as we go and hoover every couple of days) and laundry is put in overnight on the delay cycle so I can hang it out first thing on my non office days
Seeing friends is also scheduled, we are all as busy in various ways so dropping in on each other could never work! I’ve got a couple of school mums I could probably call up and have a drink with at short notice but they are very busy too.
I don’t know anyone really who has a full time job and school age DC who have much downtime, men included. DH has only played 3 rounds of golf in the last 10 years because he can’t fit it in!

def, I would happily do bedtime but my DH would not clean the kitchen or do the packed lunches so this way works best for us

Why are you giving him the option? Why not share a bedtime and share cleanup time?

I think you have plenty of me time tbh…

Yeah I think I will, good advice. I think my ocd over standards of cleanliness make me a bit of a control freak on this but I’ll try and let that slide a couple of evenings lol

FWIW…Tuesday eve I have yoga from 7-8:15
some evenings I get a walk in…and I love a relaxing hot bath, I have 2 long baths a week.

55 minutes to get yourself ready & have coffee in morning is a lot.
1 hour in evening to clean kitchen & make packed lunches is a long time too, surely thats a 15/20mins job max

Dont you want to do bedtime? Seems to me like your husband is doing a lot.

If a man put this routine on asking how he could get more "me time" i dread to think what the responses would be.

How is your sleep quality? If I get up at 6, I can easily stay up until 10pm, falling asleep at 8 isn’t really normal. And I’m saying this as someone who needs more sleep than average.

@Workingmum85 I am stressed just by reading at your posts …

seems like you re getting your dopamine hit by “activities” and “me” time

perhaps if you’re revolve around kids more (so not yourself ), you ll calm down more , and be less egocentric

well done to your DH for doing so much!

take some control and spend time with kiddies (even chit chat at bedtime or school pick up is mummy-kid time).

If you could compress your morning routine you could get up later and have more energy in the evenings. I’m up at 6.30, take the dog out, have a coffee and the kids are up at 7.15, shower and get ready while they have breakfast and get dressed. They’re ready to go by 8.10 and if I’m on an office day I’m ready to go then too.

I’m ready for bed by 10.30 and have time to read, craft etc after dinner. Dinner, dishes are done by 7.30 and time after that is my own. Take time out of evening meals by cooking quick food or prepping frozen meals at the weekend. I can organise lunches etc while the dinner is in the oven. You have a good bit of time so it’s more about organising routine tasks efficiently so you can use what’s left as you please.

Thanks all, think I just need to be a bit more efficient! Appreciate the advice 😊

I think you sound really efficient and make the most of your time. What else do you want to do that you can’t currently??

Sorry pressed send too soon. I think you are like me and over estimate wha you should be able to do in a day.

Yes maybe you’re right, I think maybe lowering my expectations will help. Also maybe getting a cleaner 😅

I think you have a lot of personal time actually. I personally wouldn’t add more to your husbands load and also I don’t get why you haven’t included any time with your two kids?