Struggling with DH’s redundancy

Gettingonabitnow · 2026-03-08T07:47:11+00:00

Hi. DH is late 40’s and being made redundant from a public sector role. It’s quite niche and his cv isn’t travelling well in the private sector. Roles are coming up around once every six months in the public sector for which he’s getting interviews but not quite securing due to the overwhelming competition. The whole situation is consuming me and I’m really struggling. He’s quite resilient and is taking it well but I know deep down it’s killing him. The first thing I do when I wake up is look for jobs for him and it’s the last thing I think about at night. Our lives are on hold. Strangely it something I don’t want to talk to my friends about, not that I have that many these days. If you’ve been through similar how have you coped? X

ACynicalDad · 08/03/2026 07:50

Is there any additional training he could do. I lost a public sector job spent a grand on a course and got the platform I needed.

1AnotherOne · 08/03/2026 07:52

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

itsthetea · 08/03/2026 07:53

My DH joined a temping agency and just did anything to bring a little money in and avoid big CV gaps. Led to his best job

its a way of trying out different businesses and roles if his current specialties are too niche

Original poster

Gettingonabitnow · 08/03/2026 07:53

Thanks for replying. He’s fully qualified and really good at his job tbh, there’s not really any more training he could do. All interview feedback is strong. There’s just a significantly larger pool of candidates at the moment due to all the cuts. Maybe he’ll need to go for a more junior role to just have a job, I don’t know…

OP posts:

EvangelineTheNightStar · 08/03/2026 07:54

Will all the financial responsibility fall on you @Gettingonabitnow ?

itsthetea · 08/03/2026 07:54

And he didn’t just sit around - I had all the household chores taken care of, dinners made etc - no moping around however crap he felt

crowsfleet · 08/03/2026 08:00

it happened to us too, twice, and got long periods of time (a year +) that’s why we never bought a house. It’s tough on the spouse working and worrying so i made sure i give myself time to process the stress it causes. Do you have EAP maybe you can speak to someone.

The aim is to focus on your own mental health and career and don’t get too invested in his career. why are you looking for jobs for him?

Original poster

Gettingonabitnow · 08/03/2026 08:01

Thanks everyone. Yes I’ll be the main earner, but we’ve saved hard since we knew it was on the cards and he’ll get a bit of a pay out. It’s just the uncertainty that’s killing me and I can tell he’s crumbling even though he’s trying to put on this bravado. I’m trying to focus on the little things to keep having something to look forward to, and we’ve got our health etc, but it’s crap in all honesty!

OP posts:

Original poster

Gettingonabitnow · 08/03/2026 08:02

crowsfleet · 08/03/2026 08:00

it happened to us too, twice, and got long periods of time (a year +) that’s why we never bought a house. It’s tough on the spouse working and worrying so i made sure i give myself time to process the stress it causes. Do you have EAP maybe you can speak to someone.

The aim is to focus on your own mental health and career and don’t get too invested in his career. why are you looking for jobs for him?

I don’t know why I’m looking too, I think it’s just my nature.

OP posts:

DrumsPleaseFab · 08/03/2026 08:04

It’s very tough, I’ve been through it twice

once for a year, and DH retrained and got a new job

last one was a few years ago, he quit his job during a burnout, so then we had to rely on my income and savings for almost 2 years, whilst he retrained again and got in a better place mental health wise. During this time I still did all the cooking etc and he sat on the sofa a lot,, feeling unwell, it was hard to keep it all going in my own tbh and hard not to feel resentful

was really hard to keep the faith, but now he has an even better job, but I can not relax about money until I have built up more savings again now

i think DH thinks I am too focussed on money but it is hard to relax if the rug has been pulled out from underneath you a few times 😬

after being supportive for years (financially and emotionally) I need to learn to relax a bit again , it is a process

Good luck and try to focus on your own job and life as you cannot really find a job for him, that is his responsibility

crowsfleet · 08/03/2026 08:07

Gettingonabitnow · 08/03/2026 08:02

I don’t know why I’m looking too, I think it’s just my nature.

Show quote history

yeah. It’s going to be a lesson in letting go. Use your energy to improve your own career, trust him to find a job (if he is trustworthy). Better times will come

NorthXNorthWest · 08/03/2026 08:13

DrumsPleaseFab · 08/03/2026 08:04

It’s very tough, I’ve been through it twice

once for a year, and DH retrained and got a new job

last one was a few years ago, he quit his job during a burnout, so then we had to rely on my income and savings for almost 2 years, whilst he retrained again and got in a better place mental health wise. During this time I still did all the cooking etc and he sat on the sofa a lot,, feeling unwell, it was hard to keep it all going in my own tbh and hard not to feel resentful

was really hard to keep the faith, but now he has an even better job, but I can not relax about money until I have built up more savings again now

i think DH thinks I am too focussed on money but it is hard to relax if the rug has been pulled out from underneath you a few times 😬

after being supportive for years (financially and emotionally) I need to learn to relax a bit again , it is a process

Good luck and try to focus on your own job and life as you cannot really find a job for him, that is his responsibility

He's relaxed about money because he has a wife that will hold everything together and also go above and beyond. I suspect you find it hard to relax about money because if rhe crap hits the fan, you don,'t have a husband with those attributes, as much as he loves you.

Meadowfinch · 08/03/2026 08:16

He needs to rethink his approach. If job opportunities are so few, he needs to take over the complete running of the house, and chores, leaving you free to focus on work.

He can spend three hours a day job searching & networking, and the rest taking on the domestic load, or he can sign up for a temp agency and take whatever work is available to keep some money coming in. Warehouseman, driver, whatever he can find.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 08/03/2026 08:18

He needs to be working his network not just sat at computer. I changed job last year.
I was not prepared for the reality 😵‍💫
Its quite a tough market he needs to get creative.

Given the low volume of work id be strongly looking at alternate careers.

Our neighbour became a window cleaner!!! (Which i was quite impressed with....He lives in a fancier house than ours 1.3/1.5m? But needed the cash and wasnt too proud)
His plan is to build it up and sell it. he is yr 2/3 and just hired 2 guys.
Our friend was made redundant and he did amazon deliveries for a few months. Hes generally a graphic designer but did what was needed to support his family.

Him being "relaxed" would alarm me more tbh.

MsGreying · 08/03/2026 08:27

He could find work going to an agency.
Holding out for the right job is a cop out

Give him a deadline.

Solost92 · 08/03/2026 08:27

DrumsPleaseFab · 08/03/2026 08:04

It’s very tough, I’ve been through it twice

once for a year, and DH retrained and got a new job

last one was a few years ago, he quit his job during a burnout, so then we had to rely on my income and savings for almost 2 years, whilst he retrained again and got in a better place mental health wise. During this time I still did all the cooking etc and he sat on the sofa a lot,, feeling unwell, it was hard to keep it all going in my own tbh and hard not to feel resentful

was really hard to keep the faith, but now he has an even better job, but I can not relax about money until I have built up more savings again now

i think DH thinks I am too focussed on money but it is hard to relax if the rug has been pulled out from underneath you a few times 😬

after being supportive for years (financially and emotionally) I need to learn to relax a bit again , it is a process

Good luck and try to focus on your own job and life as you cannot really find a job for him, that is his responsibility

My advise would be don't relax. He's relaxed because he's got you doing everything and keeping everything going. You don't have that luxury of a reliable partner.

ArticWillow · 08/03/2026 08:29

If suitable roles only come up every few months then he needs to broaden his search and lower expectations in terms of income. Agency work is always a good shout.

The job market is tough at the moment and something is better than nothing.
...and you need to stop actively helping him. Be there in the background, listen, go over cover letters if he asks. Have some fun together, cook a nice meal or go for a walk - just to take the pressure off for a little while.

Solost92 · 08/03/2026 08:30

He needs to just get any job while searching for his ideal job.

Bobloblawww · 08/03/2026 08:30

His overly relaxed approach is contributing to your stress. That’s not fair is it?

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 08/03/2026 08:35

This happened to me. I was in a niche role and could not secure another role in the same space for good reasons. I stepped back and took a temporary role at a lower grade, then worked my way back up. I earn way more now than I ever did before.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 08/03/2026 08:36

He’s only going for interviews every SIX MONTHS?! I’d be livid. Tell him to get off his backside and apply for jobs anywhere and everywhere. He can’t just sit and wait for a ‘niche’ role to come up. He needs to look at transferable skills and make a sideways or lower move to keep himself in work and contribute to the family finances.

I’m a single parent and have been made redundant twice, I took whatever I could to keep some money coming in. I went from being a high earner to stacking shelves in a supermarket. I actually got the job I’m in now because my employer liked my resilience.

Your DH doesn’t sound very resilient to me as he’s not getting out there and taking any job he can get. I’m not surprised you’re not coping, I’d be so disappointed if my partner was leaving me to pick up the pieces. He needs to get down off his high horse and take any job he can get while he continues to look for the job he actually wants. I applied for well over 100 jobs while working in a supermarket to bring some money in.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but why aren’t you more angry with his behaviour?

Midlifehereicome · 08/03/2026 08:37

We had similar last year after 25 years in the same role no warning massive shock. What I learnt is firstly he needed some space to adjust and almost grieve the loss of the role his colleagues, familiarity and routine etc. I was trying to push too hard to find another job for him mainly because I was terrified of him not finding something. His sector of work was undergoing massive job losses so carefully I encouraged him to consider different sector that he could use transferable skills for. It was a sector he would never have considered but he now has a job and is settling in. We did talk and had agreed 6 months to find something within his sector otherwise he would need to take any job to bring money in. Good luck its stressful thats for sure. Xx

Sassylovesbooks · 08/03/2026 08:38

Could you find someone to professionally help him with his CV? Yes, it might cost a little money, but it might also help him secure something outside the public sector. At this point, I'd be giving it a try, to see if it helps, he has nothing to lose.

dicentra365 · 08/03/2026 08:38

We had this. It was really tough. The jobs coming up in dhs area paid loads less than his old one and even then were hard to come by. He went self employed and it’s been really good for him as well as working financially. Is this an option for your dp?
to be fair also, if your dp hasn’t actually been made redundant yet, you may find he springs into action once he is.

buymeaboaanddrivemetoreno · 08/03/2026 08:40

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 08/03/2026 08:18

He needs to be working his network not just sat at computer. I changed job last year.
I was not prepared for the reality 😵‍💫
Its quite a tough market he needs to get creative.

Given the low volume of work id be strongly looking at alternate careers.

Our neighbour became a window cleaner!!! (Which i was quite impressed with....He lives in a fancier house than ours 1.3/1.5m? But needed the cash and wasnt too proud)
His plan is to build it up and sell it. he is yr 2/3 and just hired 2 guys.
Our friend was made redundant and he did amazon deliveries for a few months. Hes generally a graphic designer but did what was needed to support his family.

Him being "relaxed" would alarm me more tbh.

Edited

Reading all these other posts and I’m shocked! Who are all these men that are ok with just sitting about? It’s happened to my husband twice and both times he was in another job within days. It wasn’t his dream job but it was something to keep us on an even keel while he looked for the next dream job.