To be grateful and shut the hell up or to seek a career at 40 ?!

[JMary2021]

Hi all,

Please no judgment, as I realise I’m in a hugely privileged position.

I fell pregnant young and unexpectedly, three months into my relationship. Luckily, we managed to make it work and are still together 20 years later with more children (quite spaced out, so the youngest is only 7).

I didn’t have much of a career when I met my husband, and the job I did have meant I had to work away. I willingly gave up my job to support his career after our first child. The combination of our work hours and lack of help from family made my job impossible.

Over the last 20 years, my husband has worked his backside off, and we are now very financially secure (no mortgage, a large sum in the bank). He still works but slightly fewer intense hours, and our children are getting older and less in need of constant care (although one does have some health issues that require a certain amount of flexibility from any career I choose).

I have everything I could ever have asked for, but I can't help feeling a little like I want a career. I want to achieve more. I'm an intelligent woman, and I feel like my days are filled with meaningless tasks that no one ever even notices. I have friends, but I do get lonely and would really like more adult company. My husband is lovely but an introvert who needs to wind down and talk less after a hard day at work.

Do I need to just accept that I have a nice life and be grateful that I get to avoid the stress that work brings? I don't really need the money, but it would be nice to feel a little bit more financially independent. I just can't help feeling like I haven't quite fulfilled my potential in life. I have done some volunteering and a bit of work for friends, but I haven't really ever "gone for it" with a career. Or is this just a case of grass on the other side always seems greener?

Should I try to build a career or get a degree at 40 years old when I've not worked for 20 years? I have A Levels but didn’t go to university.

I would love to hear others' experiences, good or bad, or what starting again at 40 looks like.

Any career ideas? I'm very good with people but don't really fancy something that involves staring at a screen all day.

I'm lucky enough to be able to spend a bit on retraining, but I also don't want to spend a crazy amount of money with no guarantee it will help me earn.

I'm worried it's selfish to take time away from my kids to train or work when actually we don't need the money. Have others felt this and how did they deal with it.

I really appreciate any honest and non-judgmental advice.

TIA

Have you considered volunteering or done any volunteering?

Sounds a great idea. And not selfish in the slightest. I wonder if a short course at the Open University in a subject you’re interested in could help you get back into the swing of things?

I agree with this advice. There are ample opportunities to study and learn new skills at any age, which may lead to something…

Contact the local careers service who may offer help. Also try the what color is my parachute book

I have done some.
Great but didn't really lead to much. Have considered doing some more and contacted some local companies. Definitely something I'm looking into doing more of.

Oh thank you. Will google.

Thank you. I did a social sciences qualification with them when my eldest was young. Might look into doing this again in a subject that's a little more career focused.

Are there any areas you have an interest in ? Like education, health, justice etc? I think I'd look for a course in that area and perhaps some volunteer work linked to that area.

I returned to education in my 40's to do my masters. Hard work but I now working in a field linked to my MA. If I can do it, you can.

If you're an intelligent and talented woman, there are some substantial volunteering positions you could look into.

For example rather than volunteering as a Brownie leader, you could look at Girlguiding County level roles, or specialist positions. Instead of volunteering with a sports club, you could volunteer on the regulatory body of the sporting association. Instead of volunteering in a homeless shelter, volunteer as a trustee for a charity. Instead of volunteering reading to children in a school, get involved in school governance. There's loads more, you get the idea.

I did. Had children young, went back to work and eventually got a professional qualification which stood me in good stead. It's not an easy option but you have the intelligence why not use it,?

My ex’s mum was like this. Relocated from all her friends and her life was kids and hosting social events for business friends - financially she was very comfortable. She really encouraged me to pursue a challenging career and felt she’d missed out. She got dementia while quite young and I can’t help but link that with a lack of intellectual challenge in her life. It doesn’t have to be a career, learning for its own sake has value too.

Train to be a probation officer, you'll get a degree and be paid to train.

https://prisonandprobationjobs.gov.uk/probation-service-roles/overview-of-the-probation-officer-role/probation-officer-training-pqip/

I don't work in probation anymore but in a related field. They value life experience, second careers etc. Next cohort of applications starts soon

That actually sounds right up my street. Will google. Thank you

Perfectly reasonable in principle, but you need to be very clear on what your career objectives are first. Don't spend money or time on qualifications unless you are crystal clear that they are necessary and appropriate for your intended career objectives.

Ideally also see if you can get some kind of work experience or shadowing in your shortlisted careers before embarking on anything to make sure they are what you imagine.

There are careers where you train in the job and the employer pays for qualifications. Others where you don't need any formal qualifications.

Have you had a look at the national careers service? There are different questionnaires you can do to identify career paths that might best suit you, and then information about those careers.

Just edited to include the link, it's hard but very rewarding and never worked with a better bunch of people

https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/

Believe it or not, you have already developed a lot of skills raising your children and supporting your family.

there’s so much you can do, start with understanding your own strengths, limitations and your personality types. There are plenty of online quizzes where you can start.

You will likely need basic computer skills, so outlook, teams, excel, PowerPoint and now AI.

Agree with other posters that there are some substantial volunteering roles- school governance, Cruse bereavement, Samaritans, etc. Their training involves lots of reading and learning new skills whilst making contacts and friends along the way. Highly interesting and stimulating discussions guaranteed!

I think you’ll regret it if you don’t try to go for it. Given that you don’t need the money you have much more flexibility and can work part time. Would some sort of teaching or teacher assistant job be something you’d like? Quite a few of the my mum friends went for that. Or possibly a trade job if you’re willing to learn. I had a long break and am really happy to be working again.

Go for it.

Do it. I had a child young (17) and became a social worker.

Definitely! You have at least 28 years left before retirement age. After training, that could be a quarter of a century in a new, exciting career, with new challenges, achievements and memories!

Go for it!! You don’t have to work but it sounds like you want to challenge yourself. I’ve always worked but my second career (mid 30s) is project manager. I think mums make excellent project managers, balancing priorities, budget, negotiation and a lot of managing conflicts. Not a lot of training required (look on APM website)

Don’t volunteer.

Why is this always trotted out on MN? you want a career. Volunteering is not a career.

Why don’t you visit a careers advisor? Have a proper investigation into which area you fancy working in?

Invest some time into researching and go for it! People change careers all the time.

I was suggesting this as dipping their toe into doing something after 20 years of not working. If she had said she’d volunteered and enjoyed x, y or z then it could be a start for what she enjoys/interests her.