To be grateful and shut the hell up or to seek a career at 40 ?!

[JMary2021]

Hi all,

Please no judgment, as I realise I’m in a hugely privileged position.

I fell pregnant young and unexpectedly, three months into my relationship. Luckily, we managed to make it work and are still together 20 years later with more children (quite spaced out, so the youngest is only 7).

I didn’t have much of a career when I met my husband, and the job I did have meant I had to work away. I willingly gave up my job to support his career after our first child. The combination of our work hours and lack of help from family made my job impossible.

Over the last 20 years, my husband has worked his backside off, and we are now very financially secure (no mortgage, a large sum in the bank). He still works but slightly fewer intense hours, and our children are getting older and less in need of constant care (although one does have some health issues that require a certain amount of flexibility from any career I choose).

I have everything I could ever have asked for, but I can't help feeling a little like I want a career. I want to achieve more. I'm an intelligent woman, and I feel like my days are filled with meaningless tasks that no one ever even notices. I have friends, but I do get lonely and would really like more adult company. My husband is lovely but an introvert who needs to wind down and talk less after a hard day at work.

Do I need to just accept that I have a nice life and be grateful that I get to avoid the stress that work brings? I don't really need the money, but it would be nice to feel a little bit more financially independent. I just can't help feeling like I haven't quite fulfilled my potential in life. I have done some volunteering and a bit of work for friends, but I haven't really ever "gone for it" with a career. Or is this just a case of grass on the other side always seems greener?

Should I try to build a career or get a degree at 40 years old when I've not worked for 20 years? I have A Levels but didn’t go to university.

I would love to hear others' experiences, good or bad, or what starting again at 40 looks like.

Any career ideas? I'm very good with people but don't really fancy something that involves staring at a screen all day.

I'm lucky enough to be able to spend a bit on retraining, but I also don't want to spend a crazy amount of money with no guarantee it will help me earn.

I'm worried it's selfish to take time away from my kids to train or work when actually we don't need the money. Have others felt this and how did they deal with it.

I really appreciate any honest and non-judgmental advice.

TIA

Plus, someone telling you you are good at something or achieving something outside family commitments is just the best I ever.
I can't imagine not working, plus it's an excellent role model for your children

I know someone who qualified to be a fitness instructor/ personal trainer and now has a summerhouse or log cabin type building in the garden that she runs 1:1 personal training as well as small group classes from. Sounds like that could suit your interests? She charges £40 an hour for Pt work and is doing very well.

40 is not too old for a career. You are fortunate in that your children are older and you dont have to worry about the financial aspect of study. I went to uni at 42 and realised very quickly that I was a born academic. I went on to do a Masters and Doctorate and had a 10 year career in lecturing and research. After I retired from employed work I did consultancy and I now do private tuition at postgrad level.

I don't need to work financially but I always have for my sanity.

I've worked in the charity sector for the last 15 years (part-time since having children) and I've loved it. I'm 45 now and I'm about to go back to college to get a new qualification and start a new career. I definitely don't think you're too old to try something new. You might have 25 working years in you yet.

I think it will be fab for your children to see you find fulfillment with a career.

I did an NHS degree in my 40's and have made a very lucrative career out of it. I did podiatry.
I prefer the NHS but did a few years private podiatry and earned loads of money.

Of course you should do it! Would be good for you to use your skills and sets a great role model for kids too. I would talk to a careers life coach for ideas!

Given your interests what about a paid or unpaid at first role as an Appropriate Adult. They help support vulnerable adults who have gotten into trouble or need to be interviewed by the Police.

No reason at all why you shouldn’t pursue a new direction at the age of 40, or 50, if that’s what you want.

I was listening to Iain Dale on LBC and the age range of people who were changing career or still working was amazing. Inspirational really.

Op, just follow your passion. Dream job. Go for it.

If you are interested in working in mental health, I would really recommend getting some volunteer experience and then looking at a Trainee Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner role at your local NHS Talking Therapies team. The role includes a postgrad qualification (you don't need a degree) and they particularly value applications from older people and parents in particular.

I've just done it at 48 and absolutely love it.

This is an example of a job but they have them all over the UK - look on the NHS jobs website (there are lots of other trainee NHS roles that come with training too): Job example

NHS jobs start in January and September each year and recruit a few months before - set up alerts on the NHS website (the example above isn't NHS because I couldn't find on at the time of year!).

Good luck and definitely go for it!

Op did mention she would like a little financial independence.

Having worked as a Social worker for more than 20 years, I personally wouldn’t recommend anything like that or probation/ mental health work etc. It is too emotionally draining IME.

In your situation, I would look at pursuing the fitness industry. I have a friend who did so in her forties - she trained as a personal trainer and rented some space initially, and now , 10 years on, she owns and manages a small local gym. She employs three other PTs and they run classes/ PT/ small group training and so on. She has also continued her education, specialising in nutrition and menopause. She also had stable finances in the first instance which has enabled her to establish this.

You have a whole lifetime ahead of you, and the choice of what you want to do and how you want to do it. Never ever let yourself wonder or regret the what ifs. I've had friends that have pivoted in their careers (or lack of) and beyond to try things to fulfil dreams and ideas. A few knew they could do it without having to worry about failing and this made them confident in themselves and taking care of their own needs, which is a great situation to be in.

Here's to everything you hope for and more.

Have you considered being a trustee? Many charities are looking for help, it's a step up from volunteering and regardless of your next steps would be really beneficial? Would enable you to support in an area of interest to you (science, arts, Humanities etc) but also take on a role - fund raising, policy writing, financing - all brilliant skills both for yourself but also for others!

Would you consider being a magistrate ?

id encourage you to apply even if it doesn’t immediately appeal. The recruitment process is structured so you will get a good idea of what is involved.
, sufficient to help you make an informed decision. All the best.

https://magistrates.judiciary.uk/application-process/

I'd have a look at your local college to see what's in offer in the way of adult work courses, IT or access courses. Although you have A levels, things have changed so much in the past 20 years, you may benefit from a course. They'd have a careers adviser there, too, who you could have a chat with.

I would try and find a career coach who could help whittle down what you might like to do.
FWIW my mother in the 1970s, aged about the same as you retrained by correspondence course to be a solicitor- she was a teacher so had a degree already.

You won't find any job that will not involve the screen. How good are you at? Basic Microsoft Office stuff, spreadsheets PowerPointS
If you're not then go to college and learn

Or just get a law degree and become a solicitor instead

Thank Allah, God, Jehovah, Jesus and everyone else for a decent life you have and have had. Thank you for sharing. It may be a good idea to start with some "education" open university, local adult & further education facility AND some voluntary work. These two will give you all you need at this stage in life and will give a structure into your daily, family & social life, which then can be taken forward with a "career", if so wished after you've had equipped yourself and family -- with the necessary skills and attitudes. Good luck. Life is still exciting at 40+!! Very.

40 yo is not old and you still have 20+ working life ahead of you so it might as well be for a job that excites and challenges you and makes you proud. Having a job that matches our potential and is aligned with our personality/values is one source of fulfilment that should not be dismissed, even if everything else is going well for you. You will regret more not trying.