Nuerodiverse colleague

[moana35]

I am having a few problems with a colleague at work. She is neurodiverse so adjustments have had to be made but these adjustments are meaning that myself and my colleagues are doing alot more than we did before she was employed.

She is very black and white about time so she will not be at her desk until her digital smart watch says the start time on her contract and again she leaves at the exact time she is supposed to finish even if in the middle of something. Lunch is an hour but due to needing to re compress for the afternoon she needs to take 75 minutes as she needs to go for a walk and eat. She has to sit in front of a window which means all our places in the office have been changed.

From Monday we are not allowed to drink coffee at our desks anymore only tea as the smell makes her gag.

Aside from this she is a very good worker and gets her work done to a good standard but it is impacting on the morale of the team. She is also exempt from training mornings if they are "small room " based as she can't sit in a room with a big group of people. She will be allowed to do her training online.

Management say as she declared her nuerodiversity at interview these adjustments have to be made for her I get reasonable adjustments and I have an autistic son but are these adjustments reasonable to the rest of the team.

If we took 15 mins extra for lunch or asked our colleague to not drink coffee I am sure we would be spoken to by management,

Has anyone else come across this in the workplace.

You were snarky, so I responded in kind. Don't like to take it? Don't give it.

I think it's you with the intolerance problem. Remind me which of us has had multiple posts deleted on this thread?

Yeah this one was apparently stepping away. I wonder why someone would spend so much time arguing against measures to help a disabled person. How can it bother someone so much?

You are a pretty resistant one who doesn't want to hear what people tell them and still spin a narrative that was never mine. if someone in my life behaved like you two, calling people names, insulting peoples intelligence because they didn't have your take on something, bringing far fetched examples, I would run a mile. It is abusive.

Er, perhaps you’re a little over- invested and over emotional, no?
What’s that about need to be right?
Btw, I wasn’t saying anything about coffee lids.

It is often far more than “not liking” the smell/taste/feel of something.

My son “doesn’t like” bright light, but by that I mean it hurts him and distresses him. He has full meltdowns in the summer because he wants the sun switching off.

He “does like” deep pressure, so he wants grown adults to sit on him and/or lean their full body weight onto him.

You’re missing the extremes some people experience those sensory challenges with. Perhaps intentionally.

Some of the sensory needs people have are impossible to meet. I can’t turn the sun off, for example. But the smell of coffee is a fairly simple thing to remove, either by lids or by drinking it somewhere else.

I don't think you mean me.

I don’t believe I’m missing the extremes.
Why would I do this intentionally?
I’m speak as someone who has experienced these extremes when younger, but at a time adults in general weren’t particularly interested in children.
As one gets older these things become less intense.
From experience, I know it’s possible to find coping stray and it’s my belief that people should be helped to find coping strategies, avoiding infantilisation.

So why the dig about deliberate minimising? It seems like another example of being over emotional.

Oh yes, my apologies!

If you grew out of sensory issues, kindly, they can’t have been to the extremes we’re discussing.

You can’t “keep calm and carry on” through significant sensory issues. What you’re really asking them to do is suffer, for everyone else’s benefit.

If an adjustment can’t be made, they’ll have to. But where it can, I’m not sure why we’d suggest people are genuinely distressed and extremely uncomfortable for the sake of what could be a lid over a drink.

Nope. The OP started a thread because she felt that the reasonable accommodations given to her colleague were unfair. I, and several other neurodivergent people came in to offer a perspective on why these accommodations are necessary and gave some of our own experiences. You have come on and dismissed, belittled and insulted us in the style of someone that has read about us all being on benefits in the daily fail and have pre-judged and decided we are all just taking the piss. You have not even attempted to see anything outside your own narrow viewpoint.

And yes, I will keep arguing. My ND mind has hyperfixated on justice don't you know.

My dc literally can't be in the same room as some foods due to the smell. They would shutdown and be unable to work. Sorry our reality debunks your theory that everyone can 'just get on with it' because you do.

My partners work place actually has a policy that lidded cups should be used for all hot drinks anyway. It prevents spillages/scalds and slips if spilt on the (hard) floor. It would seem a reasonable compromise to try.

That is not what I said.
I said people need to be given the tools to manage their challenges.
I wasn’t given the tools but had to figure out coping strategies for myself. I don’t wish for that to happen to others.
Please don’t dramatise the situation, trying to make me look stupid/ ridiculous,

I did not say I grew out of sensory sensitivities. I said they get less intense as one ages.There is a difference.

Of course they do, for some people. For others - they don’t.

They are getting worse with age for me, not better.

"If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person."

One of our workplace cafes has a sign up telling people to put a lid on their hot drinks before carrying it to the table, citing safety. Usually, that kind of signage is a) deployed reactively after an incident and b) removed during decorating, so someone has been hurt at least once since it reopened after a refurbishment two years ago.

And yes, I will keep arguing. My ND mind has hyperfixated on justice don't you know.

Them: "You are over-invested and over-emotional."
Us: "We want fairness for autistic people and won't shut up until we get it."

Men have used "over-emotional", "hysterical", and similar to silence women's legitimate complaints about injustice since forever. It's depressing to see women shutting down other women in the same way.

What fairness do you think will come from a thread on Mumsnet 😂i said this before, you haven't done a good job advocating for ND. You have behaved unpleasantly and have insulted others multiple times and had posters censored, so how do you think people will feel about you if you behave like that and how does that help your cause.

You two remind me of a poor manager in a workplace who keeps trying the same thing even though it's not working - instead of changing their style. It's generally not a good idea to insult and dismiss a population you are trying to influence. 😂

and had posters censored

Not so.

1. I have not reported any posts on this thread. You have just made up a lie about me. You are not showing NT people in a good light by lying about people.
2. Reporting a post doesn't guarantee its deletion. If your posts are deleted, it is because you have broken the site rules, not because someone reported you. With your lack of logical thinking about how reporting works, you are again not showing NT people in a good light.

I have behaved no more unpleasantly than you. But, you don't see the views of others as valid, so you don't see your own unpleasantness.

It's generally not a good idea to insult and dismiss a population you are trying to influence.

Follow your own advice. You have been dismissive of us.

I have no hope for you at all, you have repeatedly demonstrated your narrow mindedness. This is a public forum, discussions are meant to be interactive and a sharing of opinions. Have you never learned from anyone else?

When you say "you two" I assume you mean @selffellatingouroborosofhate too. She has posted insightfully and you could learn a lot. It is indeed depressing to see women dismissing other women indeed.

For the ND and parents of ND on this thread, don't let these people get you down. They hide behind their keyboards for whatever weird reason.

It's a bit bizarre to accuse people that are explaining neurodivergence of being "abusive" too 🙄

I feel like the issue is with management and not her but you also seem to not like her, maybe its to do with her disability.

Your employer seems to be doing the right thing and I'm really happy for her. I wish all employers were like this.

I'm autistic and you will remove my coffee from my cold dead hands at your peril. I do give the admin shit about their stinky vinegar chips on a lunchtime though - but I'd never stop them having them - I'm more scrounging to nick one off them. However I work for the NHS and, with the exception of our Yorkshire colleagues (who are picky as fuck about teabags), we're hanging on to grim sanity only via the medium of coffee.

I tend to ask for very few adjustments though - I don't go into the office as much as some colleagues, I might have noise canceling headphones on so I can focus and people know I sometimes get peopled out and have a few days admin focused stuff - but I blooming make sure I get the work done, and I probably work harder and better quality than a fair few colleagues because of my ability to hyper focus and how conscientious I am about doing things right. Oh and a few trusted colleagues sometimes get asked to sense check responses to things so I don't cause a diplomatic incident when it's getting very work-politicsy (although this is a lot less now I'm well established in the team and people know me).

I'm fucking blessed though because I'm in a post where I can use being autistic to my advantage and it often enables me to reach patients who are also autistic on a level some of my clinical colleagues can't do.

Why can't other people use coping mechanisms to only drink coffee on their breaks? If lawyers, doctors, teachers etc can manage their jobs without drinking coffee at desks, why can't anyone else?