Nuerodiverse colleague

[moana35]

I am having a few problems with a colleague at work. She is neurodiverse so adjustments have had to be made but these adjustments are meaning that myself and my colleagues are doing alot more than we did before she was employed.

She is very black and white about time so she will not be at her desk until her digital smart watch says the start time on her contract and again she leaves at the exact time she is supposed to finish even if in the middle of something. Lunch is an hour but due to needing to re compress for the afternoon she needs to take 75 minutes as she needs to go for a walk and eat. She has to sit in front of a window which means all our places in the office have been changed.

From Monday we are not allowed to drink coffee at our desks anymore only tea as the smell makes her gag.

Aside from this she is a very good worker and gets her work done to a good standard but it is impacting on the morale of the team. She is also exempt from training mornings if they are "small room " based as she can't sit in a room with a big group of people. She will be allowed to do her training online.

Management say as she declared her nuerodiversity at interview these adjustments have to be made for her I get reasonable adjustments and I have an autistic son but are these adjustments reasonable to the rest of the team.

If we took 15 mins extra for lunch or asked our colleague to not drink coffee I am sure we would be spoken to by management,

Has anyone else come across this in the workplace.

I said this all along that people are just people. I think it was taken as me being against adjustments and disabilities. I'm not. I don't care. But I had a hard life, yes even as a NT, and I don't want to be impacted my someone else's adjustments. I spent enough time not really living and I want to do what I want.

I don't see myself as making an impact by protesting or fighting for future generations. That's out of my control as too many variables. It doesn't nourish me. Real life connections with people today and most importantly with myself is what matters. It's best to turn the focus to oneself. It doesn't matter anymore what diagnosis I have. I have come to see people as just people. Im literally just one of them and it took away a lot of pressure and anger.

PTSD and cptsd are not the same thing.

If this helps you great. But I was talking about myself and I said I don't care about the practicalities of the law for myself. I really don't need your suggestion to ask for reasonable adjustments. I wouldn't know what they could be with cptsd as it's so unpredictable.

You sound like a great manager. I wish mine was like you.

So you don't see yourself making an impact and you just want to live your life. Fine. So stop belittling the disabled. You have done this. "Not wanting to make and impact" should go both ways. Don't be shitty to people.

Aren't you a delight. I said I don't see myself as making an impact by protesting and fighting for future generations. I said I prefer real life connections with humans today. That's an impact too. I can tell pretty well now if someone struggles with trauma and if they feel listened to by me that I find really satisfying. It's important for humans to feel seen and heard and sometimes I can give that to someone.

You are projecting by the way. I'm not belittling you. You feel belittled. That's yours to deal with.

I think you’re over invested in this and over emotional.
We don’t know this woman or the situation.
My point is that she probably could learn to manage without these infantilising special arrangements.
My evidence is simply that I’ve been there, managed without help. It would have felt very odd indeed to me to make a song and dance about my special needs.
That’s all there is to it.

Not trying to be a delight. I don't think you can tell if someone deals with trauma, based on your responses. As you say, it is important for humans to feel seen and heard. I have empathised with you. You have not empathised with the ND at all. I don't care if you empathise with me personally. What is it about the ND that irritates you do much?

I cannot tell by the written word. But I am a good observer in real life. Nothing irritates me about ND. Try again.

I just have a different view on the world than you. It doesn't matter to me what diagnosis someone has. I just see that humans have different needs.

So why did you post some of the things you did? The many deleted posts? I apologised for my idiot comment. You, I believe, suggest I say "MN, they are being ablest, waaaah!". That is belittling and others called you out.

Thank you for this fantastic example of how adjustments for one person can help everyone.

I can't think of anyone who prefers a meeting without an agenda circulated in advance.

I think you’re over invested in this and over emotional.

Your attempts to tone-police me and delegitimise my objections to overt ableism are noted.

We don’t know this woman or the situation.

No, we don't, so how can you possibly make the claim in your next line?

My point is that she probably could learn to manage without these infantilising special arrangements.

It's just as likely that she's already tried and this is as good as it gets. Reasonable adjustments aren't "infantilising". Would you call a wheelchair ramp or an induction loop "infantilising"?

My evidence is simply that I’ve been there, managed without help

Your evidence is just one person, you. You cannot extrapolate a behaviour to the rest of a population based on one organism. This principle is covered in pre-GCSE Biology.

I'm tired of this now and will go about my life. I hope you find peace and purpose that doesn't involve having to change others and going around in circles all day long. Take care.

Peace.

I will continue to press for acceptance and understanding.

I've made the point several times that no one can explain the extra workload this woman has allegedly made. So perhaps everyone who doesn't want to address that should stop posting too then? Or are you going to address it now?

What is this entitlement to coffee while working? Do you want surgeons to put down the scalpel while they take a sip? Teachers and nursery workers to risk spilling their hot drinks on your children?

She shouldn't be allowed to dictate what her colleagues can and can't do. Peanut allergy is different as that is a life threatening medical issue. She is one person and her wishes and preferences shouldn't govern what others can do at their desks.

OP you don't actually know that she's being paid for the extra 15 min break do you? No one would tell you this because it's confidential. It's highly likely that it's unpaid.

It’s an office not a hospital or school…

comparing it to surgeons having a sip mid operation is a stretch

It's precisely because "these things just happen" that I now use a lidded cup. It means that the impact on me and others of a spill "just happening" is smaller. The carpet doesn't get soaked and my colleagues and I are at a lower risk of being scalded.

We don't argue against seat belts because car accidents "just happen", do we?

I think they are reasonable adjustments.
Starting and finishing dead on time - good for her!
Colleagues where I work do get extra official breaks for disability, like a 15 min in morning and 15 min in afternoon so an extra 15 minute break isnt unreasonable, nor is training courses online.
No coffee at desk is annoying, but I guess is part of her sensory overload, and they could say similar if someone had a peanut allergy etc.
Tbh I think your employers sound amazing, I wish more employers made adjustments like this, as you say she's a good worker so I think it's better to make adjustments than make it harder for autistic people to work and contribute than for them to struggle and end up being on benefits.
Ultimately it's none of your business as long as your employers have ok'd it, I suspect it's occupational health recommendations based on evidence.
I think you should be allowed to drink a cup of coffee in the tearoom and step away from your desk a few times a day and that could easily take extra 15 mins she has for lunch for you'd be even stevens.

I think it all got a bit complicated, especially since ARFID was brought in to up the anti about a woman who doesn't like the smell of coffee.

FFS I didn't mention it to "up the ante", whatever you even mean by that.

I mentioned it to give an idea of how much impact sensory issues can have on an autistic person. You are well into "wilful misunderstanding" territory here.

@selffellatingouroborosofhate your examples are far fetched and removed from reality. Just like comparing a coffee mug lid with a seatbelt. Do you not see that?

No doubt will I receive a lengthy explanation now about this and possibly another unsuitable analogy. And no doubt will you be right about everything.

Spilling coffee on the office carpet and scalding my own legs isn't "far-fetched and removed from reality", but something I have actually done. A couple of months back, I spilled a pan of boiling potatoes on my feet, ending up with red scald marks that persisted until the following day. Spilling hot liquids is very easy to do and it really hurts. Why would anyone sensible and considerate willingly run the risk of hurting a colleague that way?

The similarity between a lidded mug and a seatbelt is that both are simple measures to prevent avoidable harm. I didn't claim that the two forms of harm were as bad as each other and naively assumed that the reader would be smart enough to recognise that I wasn't implying that claim.

You dont seem to be able to accept another person's take on something. Not just that, you have a habit of subtly insulting other posters intelligence as you just did above. But the joke is on you as it says nothing about me but all about you. Its called projection and it reveals your shame and insecurities.