Two days into new job/career and want to quit

[Y0gamummy]

Sitting here feeling like an embarrassed, 45-year-old failure after taking a big career gamble that appears to have been a mistake. Quit my corporate job (which I was hating) to work in a residential children's home, with a view to moving into social work or similar. Have always wanted to work in a job that helps vulnerable people and this felt like a good way to test the water. Company very pro-training and would have funded a masters in social work if that was the road I decided to go down in future.

However.... I've done two days and feel like I've made a huge mistake. Trying not to be too knee jerk and I always knew it would be a huge culture shock for me but...
It's not even the kids (which everyone assumed would be the most challenging but), it's the other staff and the treatment of the kids by them and the system.

I naively thought I would be helping but from what I can see the focus is on paperwork and 'managing' the house and the kids, rather than any meaningful time or connections with the young people.

I feel naive, shocked, embarrassed, disallusioned and gutted really as I thought I was moving into something rewarding.

Have hated the culture, the attitude towards the kids from staff and the sense already that the approach to shifts etc will mean a significant impact on my family life.

Other than not having another job to go to, the only thing holding me back from quitting is the niggle that maybe I can still offer these kids something in an environment that from what I can see, just reinforces their status as kids that nobody cares about. But can I work in that system? I wanted a job I could be proud of.

You do sound very naive tbh.

Now you have the choice to be the change you want to see or bail out because it'll be easier to pretend it isn't happening if you can't see it.

It just depends on what resources you've got. Not everyone has the capacity to effect real change in a difficult environment. I don't think I could. There must be a real sense of achievement and worth in doing so though.

I would stick it out for at least a month before deciding.

I understand what you’re saying. I felt the same when I went to work in a care home. It wasn’t the residents, it was the other care staff and the constant covering one’s backsides that left me pulling my hair out. Honestly, I’m not sure the environment can be influenced and changed. Yes, you can make a difference, but if you’re anything like me - this environment leads to nothing but anxiety. Is there a role that you could take that would be more hands on in the area you’d like to specialise in? I feel that most care roles these days are all about paper work and “making things look right on paper” as opposed to actually making a difference in individuals lives. Sorry you’re going through it - I do understand.

Yes, a lot of this rings true even after a couple of days. I expected it to be difficult but the challenges aren't those that I was expecting. Plenty of making things look right on paper as you say and I'm already feeling like I don't have it in me to go along with that kind of stuff, especially where there are consequences for the kids. There have been a couple of what my friend would call 'glimmers' involving the kids and when I left yesterday thinking I wouldn't be returning, I kept thinking of those. Maybe I've been unlucky with the staff so far.

Oh OP, that was a huge move to make - did you volunteer beforehand? I think you felt unhappy with corporate life so decided to change, I did this too - maybe not as bad as you as I did the training first. But I am now moving into the Civil Service - could you move into the CS or the charity sector or some other area where you can use your corporate experience to make a difference?

Had been trying to get volunteering experience with same company but when paid role was advertised I ended up biting the bullet and going for it. As you say, huge move that was in retrospect hasty. There has been training over past few weeks and that was actually fantastic. Reinforced the values that attracted me to the company and the sector. Now that I'm working in one of the houses though, there's definitely a disjoin between those values and what's happening on the ground. I have considered Civil Service roles so will definitely look again. And there are charities specifically advocating for care experienced young people that I could work with. Though if I want to reference my experiences of working in residential children's care as the motivation, I'll need to see it out for more than one week. Ha, I feel like instead of having things figured out by the time you're in your 40s with kids, that's when I've started making questionable decisions and feeling like I have nothing figured out!

Wish there were more people like you in the system. Brave choice to change but also totally makes sense you want to quit. Maybe there are other roots to changing the system from small scale petitions etc to more major e.g. looking for a role in the civil service or inspector role where you could make a difference to how things are run (depending on your skillset). Or other ways to support the children and young people e.g. volunteering at a charity?

What exactly has made you so down? Is it the disconnect between what you thought it would be and what it actually is?

My mum has had a couple of stints in a care home. Admittedly private. We got to know the staff a bit. There is actually a care home on the same road. One of the staff said he worked there and he absolutely hated it because he was driven mad with bureaucracy and mgmt were horrible. While generally chatting with staff, they had all had experiences of good places and places that were totally driven by bad management.

Ultimately, if it's all just pushing paper, which a lot of work is, then the glimmers will be important. And sometimes one person can change the vibe of a place. And changing the vibe can be really valuable.

if you had big ideas of making a big difference, that's definitely not gonna happen.

but it's only been two days. You might end up feeling the same in some ways - but also having those glimmers and really making a difference to someone's day.

I would definitely give it longer.

I'm wondering if the shock of your illusion being dispelled is informing your desire to leave. So think of it this way. The illusion is gone. Can you work with the reality? If you really can't then that's fine. But do make sure you know what reality actually is. Maybe you can work with it - maybe you'll end up enjoying it.

wow felt sad to reading it. I feel if you can and able to you should stay and try to change the “system”. You might feel like you marking no difference but I am sure that won’t be true.

I think you are kidding yourself if you think you can make changes at this early stage. By staying you are accepting the culture, the values, the beliefs. To stay just for experience seems unethical. I can see why you may be tempted but if it is found that the children have not been well treated you are culpable.

2 days is simply not long enough to settle in. You need to give it 6 to 8 months. Yes, care jobs are very difficult at first.

You will be on a steep learning curve and it will be stressful. But the kids haven't had time to build relationships with you for you to do good quality direct work. That doesn't mean the things you can do are valueless, but you have to plug away at it a bit.

If your goal is to help others, you will have to accept that you need to sit with the discomfort for yourself for a good while.

Are you kidding or what??

Corporate for a children's home??

I would try and give it a month if you can. Keep a diary of all the things that happen that you feel don’t align with the company’s values/ the training and then take that to your manager/ head office

IMO you have a duty of care to raise your concerns before you just walk out on those kids.

god bless anyone who does these type of jobs because I bet it’s heartbreaking and I definitely couldn’t do it!

Both my parents went throufh the system so I am well versed in their experience and yes you are definitely naive.
However, you took this job as a stepping stone to help kids. You already see what is wring. It will take you a bit of time to learn and get fullyninto it, but why not focus on your original goal to help children, rather than immediate job satisfaction.
Take your time to learn, find out whats wrong and then be the change and fresh perspective needed.
It surely will be hard work but perhaps youbare just what is needed. Play the long game and use this as a stepping stone.
You have done a great thing that most people are too selfish to do, including myself in that.
You had a vision to help, you might need to pivot and really think about how you can do that, with this role as a starting block.

This type of work has a very high turnover of staff and is difficult to recruit to, I’m a CH manager and on occasion have interviewed 7-8 applicants in a day and not appointed one. I’ve also had people leave after a couple of months. Shifts and long and sometimes you don’t get to bed when you should meaning you could be working 25 hours straight if kids are missing, refusing to go to bed, emergency hospital trips etc. I did the job for 10 years then quit and did something else for 10 years before returning and working my way back to manager. I definitely think the job has a ‘shelf life’ and I’m currently working my notice before I become completely burnt out - other managers have had breakdowns and had to leave. It’s an underfunded sector, I’ve always worked for local authorities as I strongly disagree with private homes making profit from caring for the most damaged children in society. The rewards are there but sometimes it takes months and years before you see them, generally the kids want to return to their families and see carers and managers as the ones preventing that. From what you say it sounds as though the team are maybe jaded and tired and lack an innovative manager that can push a trauma informed therapeutic approach, unfortunately some just see it as keeping the kids safe but fail to actually develop the service they’re providing. Give it a while longer or maybe apply for the same role in a newer home with a more motivated manager and team.

What line of corporate work were you in beforehand if you don’t mind my asking?

I did something similar OP! I’m now back at my corporate job realising the grass wasn’t always greener. I lasted about 2.5 years in the end. I actually did quite like the job but I absolutely hated the shift work..yes lots of paperwork and targets. I’d definetly give it a bit longer though.. you may not enjoy resi but it may open other doors in the care sector for you that you hadn’t considered?

Hi I'm a youth worker have been for over 20 years. You could perhaps look to move into youth work which is still working with teens but in different settings. Still challenging but without constraints of a children's home. Unfortunately working in children's home is very demanding and they go through a lot of staff because of this. I'm surprised you weren't aware it would be shift work though? Homes need staffing 24 hours a day. Even in a youth centre you work till about 8/9pm at least 2 sessions per week.I would stick it out a few months get more training and use your néw skills to do something still youth based. Local youth centres, youth projects even womens aid work/refugee work all links really well with youth work skills. You can do a degree or post grad if you already have one. It can be really rewarding you just need to find the right area/type of work. Good luck :)

'45-year-old failure after taking a big career gamble that appears to have been a mistake.'

No you are the opposite of a failure. Well done for trying. What is it they always say you regret the things you did not do.

Stick it out for a while you can always try to get back in your old role, try the civil service. Be confident you have good experience and it will all work out.

I think with some time to think it through, you can really do this.
You can be the change that’s needed for those children and many more like them.

How does any system ever improve or change without those people who take a brave step and just throw caution to the wind and take that chance?

Maybe it won’t be for you long term but could you manage to stick it out for long enough, to see if even teeny changes you make to the place where you work, could make a massive difference and work for you too?

What is your position in the new job OP? If management side of things you could definitely try and put some changes in place eventually! Even just allocating some time for activities etc, have meetings with the children to see what they want to do/change, it’s their home at the end of the day and any good care company should be understanding that the children should have a say.

As you rightly said paperwork has definitely been pushed as a priority, meeting deadlines and ensuring everything looks good for inspections etc. You could also allocate times for these tasks, or have an extra staff member in to focus on just paperwork etc so care staff are free to meet the children’s needs.

I agree with the PP who mentioned reporting anything you see that doesn’t seem right, things like this shouldn’t be left unacknowledged. Addressing these is a good start to making change.

I also agree with the PP about employment in these types of roles, not the PP clearly but a lot of these care companies do take on pretty much anyone who applies… but in reality carers are not given very much acknowledgment for their work. It takes a special kind of person to work these roles.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I worked in a care home previously I lasted 7 years before I had to get out…. when I started the staff were wonderful and all really cared for the residents. Towards the end of my time the changeover of staff was crazy, staff would literally be caught sleeping on shift, eating the residents food, ignoring their needs…. It really did turn into a horrible environment ☹️

Not children's homes, but I have worked in the non-profit sector all my life and have friends who left corporate jobs for charities and had similar experiences to yours.

The thing is, many people have a somewhat rose-tinted view of the charity sector, and it's not like it's a lie - but it can be as challenging and frustrating as working in a corporate job, with the added stress of much lower pay and nonexistent budgets. The feel-good factor of making a difference is not always felt on a day-to-day basis, and not all colleagues are there because of the calling; some just view it as a job.

So you have to let go of an 'idea' of this job and get to know the reality. And then you can focus on being the change you want to see.

You are being very brave, even if a little naive, so I think you need to give yourself more time to decide if it is for you.

I felt the same way when I started working with teens (part-time). At first I found most to be very rude and entitled, the majority eager to play the alphabet card (ADHD, PTSD, etc) to avoid actually doing work, and their over-dramatic language and histrionics... It was very exhausting. Now I am more attuned to their perception of the world, but feel that I am making progress by offering them a more pro-active, productive and much less dramatic approach to living.

You are on the inside and remember you can affect change.

I've wanted to quit every NHS job I have ever done in week one and week two, in fact right up until week 8 or 10!
Meaningful connections and making a difference take months and months. Especially in health and social care roles. And it will not be in some huge heart warming way either. It will be the kids who says thank you for the first time ever or even just remembers to use your name for once! Or in my case the patient who said 'you're okay you are lass'! Give it way more time than this.
Edited to say my biggest complement was the heroine user who told me to stand back and let him check his pockets for used sharps first because 'your too useful to catch something nasty from me'

Give it time. It took me 3 years to feel settled in the childcare field

You have to give it longer, this was a massive adjustment for you, equally it just maybe the home/company that isn’t that great & shifts should have been discussed with you at interview. There are some amazing children’s homes out there. I was a social worker for 19 yrs & then moved into a role with the civil service it’s taken over 2 years to slightly settled. Try & stick it out for a bit longer, if the registered manager is around try & have a discussion with them.