Two days into new job/career and want to quit

[Y0gamummy]

Sitting here feeling like an embarrassed, 45-year-old failure after taking a big career gamble that appears to have been a mistake. Quit my corporate job (which I was hating) to work in a residential children's home, with a view to moving into social work or similar. Have always wanted to work in a job that helps vulnerable people and this felt like a good way to test the water. Company very pro-training and would have funded a masters in social work if that was the road I decided to go down in future.

However.... I've done two days and feel like I've made a huge mistake. Trying not to be too knee jerk and I always knew it would be a huge culture shock for me but...
It's not even the kids (which everyone assumed would be the most challenging but), it's the other staff and the treatment of the kids by them and the system.

I naively thought I would be helping but from what I can see the focus is on paperwork and 'managing' the house and the kids, rather than any meaningful time or connections with the young people.

I feel naive, shocked, embarrassed, disallusioned and gutted really as I thought I was moving into something rewarding.

Have hated the culture, the attitude towards the kids from staff and the sense already that the approach to shifts etc will mean a significant impact on my family life.

Other than not having another job to go to, the only thing holding me back from quitting is the niggle that maybe I can still offer these kids something in an environment that from what I can see, just reinforces their status as kids that nobody cares about. But can I work in that system? I wanted a job I could be proud of.

My sister is a carer and has been for twenty years, worked in many different homes/ companies that offer home help. For the elderly, but your experience sounds very similar. Lots attracted to the work as a last resort and seem to hold it in contempt somehow. However they are not all like that- she did find some nice corporate cultures and enjoyed the at home based work more than the group home work.

If this is what I wanted to do I'd give myself a year- change what I can/ provide enrichment where I could - and move on. There is lots of avenues you could take it once you have the training and experience- teaching assistant in a SEN school, home companion for a disabled child, enrichment activity centre worker. Starting again from scratch is never easy- especially if you are coming from previous work where you felt more valued and respected with your experience. I think right now a lot may be culture shock which will get less as you settle in.

I'd start looking for a new job (immediately) while trying to make the best of this one. Things may improve, but if not, finding something else will take time. Best to keep all options open at the moment. When another opportunity comes along, by then you should have more information and understanding of what you need to do.

Having known young people who have been in residential care, I know that having genuinely caring staff like you really does have a positive impact on the kids, even if it might not seem like it to you… & you would have to stick it out longer for them to have that benefit. Keep on noticing the glimmers and more will come! x

Don't give up. Applications for masters degrees open in a few months and they'll want at least 3 months relevant experience for social work. If nothing else it will give you good insight as to where not to place children once you're qualified. One of my best students was sacked for whistleblowing on poor practice in a care home. We welcomed her onto social work training. Her ambition is to qualify and become a care home inspector. She knows what to look for. Treat this as a means to an end and learn what you can from it. It's easy to find similar jobs so change if you need to. These kids need people to advocate for them so if you're up to it, question the poor practice and the distinterested workers. You'll usually find that you have policies and procedures to back you up. Use them.

@Y0gamummy if you can stand it I would give it a bit more time, many years ago I moved from working with adults who MH issues into a children's home setting it was a huge culture shock & you have to be patient you can’t or shouldn’t be let lose as a named key worker with only a couple of days experience it takes time to gain young peoples trust & knowing how to approach the myriad of problems/issues they may have every child is an individual & will need a tailored approach.
take it a day at time & see how you feel over the coming weeks the shift system can be brutal which takes a lot out you both physically & mentally I had young children at that time & some weeks I was on my knees, must admit I left after a couple of years & worked for a homeless charity supporting people with MH/addictions which suited me better as the shifts weren’t quite as life consuming.
wishing you well in what ever decision you make.

There's a funded masters route for social work as well as traditional university courses. On the job training with a bursary for year one and a salary for year two.
https://thefrontline.org.uk/become-a-social-worker/approach-social-work/

If you didn't enjoy working with the children, I'd say cut your losses and leave.

But I think that now you've seen first hand how the children in the home are treated, there's more of an obligation to do something about it. Either by sticking it out and doing what you can, or whistle blowing (or both).

I lived in different children's homes as a child and would never want to work in one due to some of the terrible attitudes of the staff and lack of care.

However, I became a social worker and I love my job. I do get job satisfaction and I do feel that I am able to make positive changes for some of the children I work with. There will always be budget constraints and paperwork but I do get to spend time with the kids.

I would encourage you to look at step up to social work or frontline if you have a degree. It is a fast track program and you do get paid while learning. It goes up a fair bit in the second year. The work life balance is better too as it is more of a 9-5 job with only occasional working over your hours. The pay isn't terrible either.

DN wanted to make a difference for LAC and started the SW MA but quickly became disillusioned for most of the reasons you give here. It’s simply not easy for most people to carry on ‘caring’ about their clients when the odds are so stacked against the staff with the many restrain they face.

However she gave it a year and went on to work in child policy in another borough which hopefully will help make a difference.

Wishing you well in what is a really challenging sector. And while you are there you can make a tiny difference to a child’s life just by showing some real care.

If you able to keep going to get sone experience you could look at local authority roles supporting care leavers or other social care roles where there is an assessment role. You may find this useful and more relevant for social work.
I think the children need people like you.

May I ask what corporate change you made into the CS? And how have you found the experience?

I think you need to give yourself a bit more time to settle into the environment, it's probably a bit of a "culture" shock.

I would view this as time that you need to get through to get the level of experience needed for what you ultimately want to do. Get your applications in for courses, look at the paid apprenticeship type ones. If you come into contact with other professionals, like social workers, make connections, ask if you can shadow them for a day. Maybe seeing what they do could give you some ideas about a sideways career move if you feel this really isn't for you - charity sector, mental health, learning disabilities, SEN, etc. Try and write some reflections on what you're experiencing now, what you're seeing, how it makes you feel, how it will influence your future professional practice - these kind of reflections could be really useful to you later on.

Basically I would try and get as much from the time as you can, whilst giving yourself a bit of time to get used to it all.

You can't actually have any idea of what needs changing/improving (never mind how) when you've only been there 2 days.

I'd be treating the next next 6-12 months as an opportunity to learn everything you can about the job and the system, and really understand the lived struggles that these staff are facing day in day out which I'm sure has made them jaded.

Have an exit plan (maybe same sector different establishment) and apply for a more senior position. At that point you will have gained a significant amount of experience on the ground, whilst still being fresh enough to actually effect change.

Maybe if you see it as a job where you will do your best regardless of the culture or whatever others do, .. I do this whether it's working with charities or accountancy.

Also ... keep your car keys somewhere safe, was the last straw for a friend of mine when her car was stolen by one of the "sweet" kids!

I'd give it a lot more time. You may have started at a difficult time for the home. Staff shortages, OFSTED, changes to paperwork, children in crisis, there are so many variables that can impact on how a place runs.
I'm a social worker and there are many ups and downs. If you do continue on to be a social worker you need to give that a year before deciding if you want to continue. Most people spend their first year full of anxiety and stress and wanting to quit, some do, but many grow in confidence and develop skills in advocating for what is right and finding ways to use the legislation and system to the advantage of the people we support. Don't get me wrong, many of us still struggle working in a broken system but it does get easier.
The job in the children's home will help build your resilience ready social work. You may also be in a poorly managed home. I started my career in nursery's, the first one I worked in was pretty rubbish. I gave it a year for the experience and used that year to be the best I could be for the children. I then moved on to another nursery which was much better. 2 days is not enough time to have it figured out though, especially when you are new in the field.

I quite corporate world for a job running a charity project that supported young people. I did it for 2.5 yrs. It left me very sad, and very aware that young people are falling through the gaps with a hodge podge of charities, over stretched schools and social workers trying their best. It really isn't for the faint hearted, but you will build connections and I think you have to try and find the positives. If you help 1 young person feel more positive, in the world that you're operating in, is that enough to make you feel better/satisfied? I think it is a shock because I assumed it'd be a world full of super caring people, but there is just so much pressure, and people get a bit numb to everything they see I think. However, we did help people and you will too (amongst the paperwork).
It's not too late to change your mind too, if you really genuinely think it's a mistake. Would working a corporate job but volunteering be more suitable (mentoring, big sister/befriending projects etc), or could you work in corporate world but take the lead on the companies corporate social responsibility/charity projects - most organisations ask employees to give their time and effort supporting local charities (or national ones), fundraising or giving their time to boost their reputation and give back.
Have a sit down with a friend or a career coach if you can, and work through the options and thoughts you have.

moving to any new job will start off the same way tbh and many people quit immediately. as others have mentioned you can push through past the discomfort of being in a new setting to make the change you want to see or just give up and eventually look back and wonder if giving up when you thought it was difficult for you was a mistake.

How old are the kids? I work in supported living and it’s not for the faint hearted. There is a lot of paperwork. I do t think you have given it a chance. There’s plenty going on behind d the scenes as it were you can’t know about after 2 days.

Be the change you want to see.

I would run. I work in the public sector and have for 20 years. What you have experienced is what it’s like. I too wanted to change the culture but you alone just can’t. It’s been eye opening and you’ve given it a chance. The work life balance won’t improve. If you have children of your own put them first, my young ones really suffer due to the shifts and I’m not around when they need me. It’s a crap, broken system. Go back to your corporate role even in a different company, that could be the very change you need. Continue to volunteer doing this. That way you are still helping and may impact some of the children without all the unnecessary bureaucracy. You’ve been brave to give it a try but don’t stay it will break you physically and mentally and that’s someone talking from experience and having colleagues and friends who are broken.

If it was your kids you know what you'd tell them. Stop whining and get your head down. Make sure you work for 2yrs min so your experience counts for the next job in the sector. You can only change things from within anyway so keep making those glimmers happen and looking for ways to improve attitudes without being "that annoying new person". Set your own example.

Back in the 90s my mum did something quite similar and I remember her being really shocked by how the system didn't value these poor kids. She was there under a year and used the experience to pivot to working for a children's charity which she found a lot more rewarding.

Did you think the home ran itself? I’m confused as the job description would have outlined the expectations.

I suppose it depends whether your draw is to work with vulnerable children or whether you want to get into social work to support other sectors of vulnerable people. If the former, then have you thought about fostering instead? Extremely difficult job still, but you'd have more control over how you look after the kids. And I don't know how easy it is to hold down a job whilst fostering - even older teenagers, if they're traumatised might not be safe at home on their own after school etc. So maybe that's a non-starter, but just putting it out there as an idea.

If you're drawn towards social work generally, then stick it out just for the experience, but keep looking for something else? It could just be the atmosphere in this particular children's home. I used to be a teacher, and I would have left the profession before I'd even properly got started if I'd worked at one of the horrible schools I later worked at as my first school. My first school just happened to be a lovely supporting caring school - for staff and pupils, but an awful lot aren't.

I really feel for you OP. I’ve worked in residential care and child and family social work. If you feel this way in resi, then it’s magnified in social work. It is like a big illusion where everyone is involved in this mass institutionalised gaslighting/tick box exercise and the impact on the workers, families and kids is in my view unacceptable.. I left social work in 2022 and now work in the charitable sector. There are genuinely really good people in both resi and social work fields who are making a difference, but overall the systems in place regulating these industries make it feel at times impossible to really support people in a meaningful way. You’re not naive to have made this leap, why wouldn’t you have had faith that this system was doing what it was really there to do ad it is saying very explicitly it is and often with evidence to back it up. I wish you the best and hope you can divert to something else.