Manager accidentally sent teams message about me to me

[Newyorklady]

My Manager accidently sent a message on teams about me to me. It wasn’t very nice either and factually incorrect.

I have messaged her to let her know I’ve seen it. She has apologised (eventually after trying to excuse it) for what she said, although trying to excuse it to being busy.
Id be mortified if I was her I now feel our relationship is damaged.
I am going to distance myself now as I can’t trust her.
What would you do ?
Im not the type to escalate anything as it never ends well but I feel it needs raising with her in a more formal setting.

It needs escelating it is misconduct and cyber bullying.

She is only apologising because she has been caught out. Keep the message. She may have done this before. Her senior needs to know and get advice from union.

You need to raise it with HR, although as I’ve noted previously on many such comments, HR only act in the interest of the employer and not any of the employees.

The key question is how can your manager be an impartial judge of your performance after such an event, and whether the relationship is irretrievably broken. Although note that if there is no other role for you in the company then they willl try and manage you out.

If there are other instances of unprofessional behavior in the past, or you think there may be in the future, make sure that you keep copies of everything in a secure place (virtual or otherwise). This is something you may need to raise with HR if a complaint is made about you or concerns raised about your own performance or behaviour.

I speak from bitter experience - luckily I keep everything!

It would be unprofessional of you not to raise this as a grievance in a formal manner. Raising it with her yourself could be seen as harassment and bullying, after she has apologised. However, her apology is irrelevant - Had she not sent it to you, she would not be at all sorry. She is only sorry she was caught.

Do the right thing and raise a grievance to prevent her doing it to anyone else.

I’d be copying in HR with any correspondence regarding this incident. Also I’d send an email to her copying in HR mentioning you acknowledge her apology and the fact she admitted she was stressed and not in the right mindset when she sent it, but are still upset. This then proves she’s done something wrong and not you, plus records this incident in case it happens again.

If you escalate it, what outcome do you want?

I would absolutely put this on the record in HR.

Stressed is no excuse for your managers behaviour. She is out of order and how do you know she hasn't done it before, or will do it again in the future. Ofcourse your relationship has changed, you can no longer trust her...l would immediately go to HR about this. It is disgusting behaviour from a superior and she needs telling...

Keep copies of those messages safe somewhere, forward them to your personal email or take screenshots and email those to yourself. You may need them as evidence in a tribunal in the future and things like this have an uncanny ability to disappear from the server.

For those worrying about any impact on the OP if she emails her personal address from work, there's always the old fashioned way - take a print out of he screenshot and/or email trail. So even if somehow anything gets "lost" from the server (read - deleted) you have a physical copy.

I miss paper evidence sometimes.😂

Managers need a valid reason to access employee email. DH used to manage this process in a company a few years back and would often refuse access because reasons would not stand up if they went down the legal route. A manager can’t request access just because they feel like it.

Forwarding the email will include a timestamp.

She’s not forwarding sensitive company data, she’s forwarding an email by a manager who has unfairly lied about her behaviour. It’s not the employee who should be worried.

I would certainly escalate it. Do you have an H. R. Department. If so contact them and tell them what's occurred. Did you save the email. ? If so forward it to them and tell them you want to raise a formal grievance against her.

Yes you could write to her Manager if you know who it is, or say that you want a word with HR to advise best steps forward
sorry you’ve gone thr this
similar thing happened to me today - a lady was talking to one of my friends but being discreet, now we were all in the room- thought it a bit rude + not respectful to talk in a room as if you have something ‘secret’ to say, shd be talked about in private. Bit shocking that there are still-STILL people like this

Watch your back with her. 'You can watch a thief but you can't watch a liar'

Def send the email to HR and her manager. Ask them to keep it on file if you dont want to escalate it.

Your manager isn't stressed she's undermining you. Be very careful.

Hopefully HR and her manager have more evidence than this and decide to take action.

Do you still have the email/message?, if so I really think you need to see HR. What she's doing isn't just unprofessional it's slander and defermation of character, this must not be left unchecked. You must take it further, or you may find yourself never progressing in your career.

I would let it go, based on the additional info you’ve provided. You quite correctly (and bravely) called her out. She’s apologised albeit reluctantly at first, which in addition to her being ‘stressed’ points to someone who’s either not a great manager or not coping well herself. Or both. You’ve got her number now. Carry on being the best at what you’re meant to be best at and smile graciously. But watch your back.

Agreed. Report to HR.

This is about herself not you if she has to make things up is she threatened by you?
I would speak to her face to face and let her know you dont trust her and that she is unprofessional
Keep the message for the future.

Absolutely this.

Exactly! I was confused by this and thought some important info had been mislaid!
I appreciate it must be a stressful time for you, however, we can’t sympathise/suggest the way forward, if the whole story is confusing.
I feel the same as the previous poster. Until the situation is clear, it’s hard to be sure what to do for the best. Sorry.

If you don’t want to raise it with HR, I would at least document it in case there are other issues in future. Keep a screenshot of the message. It is highly unprofessional to use the term “lost it” to refer to someone getting angry, and it wasn’t even true anyway.

Honestly it sounds like most people have the measure of her.
I wouldn't make demands and I wouldn't be sending any emails to HR. I'd request an informal meeting with them. Just to mark her card. If she does it again or worse it will be on record and she could eventually be pulled up for bullying or gross misconduct or similar. But I agree, don't escalate it, just mark it as having happened. I think that is a viable choice.

I had similar many years ago via email.
It was nasty and also factually incorrect.
She was actually commenting in a derogatory fashion abput my disabled child.
She also said sorry I was really busy and apologised if I was upset. But not for her actions. I had been willing to be magnanimous in accepting a heartfelt apology, but saw red.
So I went to the union as I knew it'd grate on me forever. She was disciplined and I felt great.
I was never going to have a trusting or friendly relationship with her again, so I lost nothing.
I'd make it formal. Even if only to have it noted somewhere on file by HR