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Original poster

Manager accidentally sent teams message about me to me

150 replies

Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 18:45

My Manager accidently sent a message on teams about me to me. It wasn’t very nice either and factually incorrect.

I have messaged her to let her know I’ve seen it. She has apologised (eventually after trying to excuse it) for what she said, although trying to excuse it to being busy.
Id be mortified if I was her I now feel our relationship is damaged.
I am going to distance myself now as I can’t trust her.
What would you do ?
Im not the type to escalate anything as it never ends well but I feel it needs raising with her in a more formal setting.

OP posts:
Fiver555 · 21/05/2025 19:53

So the only person who saw the 'lost it's message was you? Or did other people see it?

If other people saw it then I think you have the right to ask her to retract what she said in front of them all. Why should you cover for her when she's behaved very poorly. You've caught her out this time, but I bet there have been other occasions where she's tried to subtly put you down.

HalfTermLooming · 21/05/2025 19:54

That seems a very deliberate inaccuracy. I’m not sure I would accept it can be explained by your boss being stressed etc. In your situation I would assume it isn’t the first time and ensure my reputation is protected. I can only think you can do that by telling key people what happened.

Original poster
Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 19:56

blubbyblub · 21/05/2025 19:52

Has the message also been sent to others and her intended recipient?

Not sure as she accidentally sent it to me.

OP posts:
IberianBlackout · 21/05/2025 19:57

Mistakes can happen, but I would expect her to include everyone that heard/read it in her apology, otherwise it’s pointless.

A couple people in my workplace have an habit of copying everyone and their mum when being passive aggressive and I always do exactly the same when hitting back.

Original poster
Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 19:57

Fiver555 · 21/05/2025 19:53

So the only person who saw the 'lost it's message was you? Or did other people see it?

If other people saw it then I think you have the right to ask her to retract what she said in front of them all. Why should you cover for her when she's behaved very poorly. You've caught her out this time, but I bet there have been other occasions where she's tried to subtly put you down.

I think so

OP posts:
HalfTermLooming · 21/05/2025 19:58

Can you work out who she intended to send the email to?

SleepQuest33 · 21/05/2025 19:58

Do you enjoy the job and plan to stay in the company for a while? How long has she been there?

im just trying to figure out if it worthwhile pursuing the issue?

Sid077 · 21/05/2025 20:03

I would ask if this is the first time she has given inaccurate feedback / made negative untrue remarks to others about you and flag with HR, this should be documented to deter further instances. She is in a position of power and should know better than this, you don’t know what else she’s been saying to others that could impact your career progression.

Original poster
Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 20:06

Sid077 · 21/05/2025 20:03

I would ask if this is the first time she has given inaccurate feedback / made negative untrue remarks to others about you and flag with HR, this should be documented to deter further instances. She is in a position of power and should know better than this, you don’t know what else she’s been saying to others that could impact your career progression.

I know.
It dues concern me but if I pursue this all it will do is damage me further.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 20:08

HalfTermLooming · 21/05/2025 19:58

Can you work out who she intended to send the email to?

Yes it was the Manager who is in charge of Data a level above her.
The message was a reply to something as if they’d already been talking about it.

OP posts:
Finetoday · 21/05/2025 20:08

This happened to me last year - it really affected me.
I replied to the message and cc’d all the relevant people in, and immediately raised a formal grievance.
The grievance was upheld obviously, as it was horrible lies which they couldn’t evidence in the investigation, but it was the beginning of the end for me in that role.
They were horrendous with me after it was upheld and I had to leave.
If I was you I’d be looking for another job immediately.

SusanLittle76 · 21/05/2025 20:08

It's fine to feel angry and disheartened by this. And it's also fine to recognize she apologized and accept it if you choose. If you still feel like you have resentment or another negative feeling then as uncomfortable as it is to approach there would be much benefit to putting your cards on the table wrt what's eating away at you. This was a bash to your self esteem especially with the power dynamic in her favour. Honesty and Clarity in a difficult conversation will win the day in the end.

5128gap · 21/05/2025 20:08

I'd respond saying thank you for you apology and explanation that you sent the email to me in error as you were busy. However, my real concern is that you percieved me to have 'lost it'. As far as I am aware, I said I couldn't open the file, and then continued with the meeting as usual. I'd appreciate knowing what exactly I said and did that prompted you to describe it to other manager in the way you did. Obviously if there was something I did that led to this, I think its important I'm made aware.

CloudPop · 21/05/2025 20:10

Who knows what she’s saying when you aren’t copied in? This needs to be addressed. Can you have an open & Frank conversation with her ?

Original poster
Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 20:11

SleepQuest33 · 21/05/2025 19:58

Do you enjoy the job and plan to stay in the company for a while? How long has she been there?

im just trying to figure out if it worthwhile pursuing the issue?

I enjoy the role but the environment is becoming toxic I feel.
Majority at my level aren’t happy and the senior management are not popular.
She has been there 4 years, me nearly 20.
She progressed very quickly up the ladder.
We was once peers and then she got promoted above me.
She makes a lot of odd comments us in all honesty.
I manage her old team so she often tries to make out she never had any issues and it was better under her but my staff feedback the opposite.

OP posts:
Sid077 · 21/05/2025 20:12

I know HR can be the worst place to go with issues but there’s no defence to this, managers should not be speaking in those terms about their direct reports to anyone. Maybe raise with your manager’s manager as a first step and see how that goes. They need to be told and deterred, they can’t get away with making up lies / exaggeration - even if they don’t like someone personally, professionalism is still expected. Also you may not be the first to raise this.

SleepQuest33 · 21/05/2025 20:14

Based on your last post, I would be looking for a new job and forget about it. You can never win in a toxic environment.

she might have done you a favour by giving you a push to find a better company.

ExpressCheckout · 21/05/2025 20:15

^ What @purplecorkheart says (p1).

Send a factual and unemotional summary to HR. At this point you might also want to tell HR whether you do or don't want any further action at this time. Ultimately this will be their decision but they should take your preference into account.

It dues concern me but if I pursue this all it will do is damage me further.

Indeed, and so this is precisely why you need to consider ensuring that this event has been documented. I'm not saying this is bullying/harassment, but providing an audit trail of issues to HR will help you to substantiate any future complaint.

The other thing to point out is that bullying/harassment complaints often arrive at HR bit-by-bit, from different people, over time. A good HR department will monitor these. You don't need to know if anyone else has complained - but HR might find this information helpful.

I hope this makes sense ... and I'm sorry this has happened and I hope you get it resolved.

Original poster
Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 20:19

SleepQuest33 · 21/05/2025 20:14

Based on your last post, I would be looking for a new job and forget about it. You can never win in a toxic environment.

she might have done you a favour by giving you a push to find a better company.

Issue is I am about 8 years off retiring and I have a decent pension here.
It won’t benefit me to leave.
Also, what I do satisfies me holistically as we help improve lives, so on a personal level I enjoy what I do/contribute to society.
I had a very difficult childhood so the fact that I am contributing towards helping others in this area gives me such satisfaction.
Id find a role in a similar area hard to find.

OP posts:
Pherian · 21/05/2025 20:20

Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 18:45

My Manager accidently sent a message on teams about me to me. It wasn’t very nice either and factually incorrect.

I have messaged her to let her know I’ve seen it. She has apologised (eventually after trying to excuse it) for what she said, although trying to excuse it to being busy.
Id be mortified if I was her I now feel our relationship is damaged.
I am going to distance myself now as I can’t trust her.
What would you do ?
Im not the type to escalate anything as it never ends well but I feel it needs raising with her in a more formal setting.

I’d make sure it’s screen shotted and raise a complaint. Include the screenshot. Then if it isn’t dealt with - a grievance.

Gundogday · 21/05/2025 20:22

Let HR know. Firstly it was factually wrong, and secondly why did she feel the need to send it? What was the motive?

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 21/05/2025 20:23

Is the company big enough for a sideways move away from her? Given everything I would raise with HR and request that she isn’t your manager anymore (if that is a possibility).

ExpressCheckout · 21/05/2025 20:25

Newyorklady · 21/05/2025 20:19

Issue is I am about 8 years off retiring and I have a decent pension here.
It won’t benefit me to leave.
Also, what I do satisfies me holistically as we help improve lives, so on a personal level I enjoy what I do/contribute to society.
I had a very difficult childhood so the fact that I am contributing towards helping others in this area gives me such satisfaction.
Id find a role in a similar area hard to find.

Show quote history

Yep, this sounds sensible. Not everyone would stick it out, but you clearly feel you have more to offer. So, stick with it.

The pre-retirement years can be tough. I've been there. You have to be very clear to yourself what you want from the last few years.

Once you're clear with yourself, and have a plan (which of course you don't share with anyone at work!), you'll feel a lot better.

Ridiculous situations, ambitious managers, toxic colleagues ... well, they're never easy. But, once you have your plan, it will feel better.

Good luck with your final years. I am sure your clients appreciate you.

SleepQuest33 · 21/05/2025 20:26

It seems you really want to stay there until retirement, which is completely understandable.

What I would do is completely different to all the other posters. I would keep my head down, treat her professionally, you like your job so you must be great at it, keep an audit trail of everything just in case.

she apologised which is good. If she starts bullying you, that would be a different matter.

i think it was very good that you raised it with her in the first place.

LlynTegid · 21/05/2025 20:27

The reluctance to apologise is what would concern me most.