Work unsustainable (teacher) and I’m not sure what to do

[feb190225]

I work as a teacher, three days a week, and have two children aged 4 and 1 and a half. I’ve been back at work properly since the beginning of this academic year and I’m really struggling with the inflexibility of the job - I know it isn’t unique to teaching.

I am trying to work out what option is best. Leave and come back to it in a few years - but surely things won’t have improved when my children are at primary school? Look for another role - but what, and what about school holidays? Just feeling a bit lost and fed up.

Ooh, you big cuddly troll you!

Is he away all week, or working long hours? Is it a "can't" or "won't" have days off with the kids? Sometimes men in 'big' careers will say they can't when really they won't. Do you have a 'village' locally? It sounds like building up a support network may help you.

How far up the pay scale are you? The reality is that now most locations have a shortage of teachers, allowing you to return to the classroom if you want to later.

Why can’t DH help ever?

my DH is a doctor so I do get that some jobs are a lot harder to drop for a sick child but I would have said a teacher takes priority over an awful lot of jobs in terms of ‘hard to drop for sick child’ situation…

I know you want to leave because school make it into a drama if you need to take time off to look after a sick child. You’re legally entitled to that.

Are you prepared to decide to have a thicker skin, accept they’ll be difficult, let it wash over you and be politely assertive?

The making you feel guilty works because it works. I wonder what the response would be if you were totally unflustered by it?

Herc - he is here there and everywhere. Could be as local as forty minutes away or as remote as Vietnam (unusual but not unheard of.)

But it isn’t really that. A few weeks ago one of my children had an ear infection. I sent him to nursery and managed to get a same day GP appointment. Coincidentally it was in my lunch time but I needed to leave ten minutes before the end of p4 and I nearly caused a riot when I begged for this. I had to organise my own cover which involved sending pleading texts surreptitiously to my department. Someone eventually agreed to do it but I had to cover his WHOLE lesson in return - and yes it’s taking the piss but what can you do!?

I left teaching for the civil service when I had an 18m old and a newborn. They waited until my mat leave finished for me to start.
It's a breeze compared to teaching. I started part time but now I'm full time as it's so flexible and it's still easier than part time teaching. I do it around pick up and drop off and can go to any appointments or events or have a day off with a sick child no problem. I also work over 4 days so I have a day off with my kids.
I took a pay cut initially to 34k after years of telling myself we couldn't afford it (I was ups and tlr). It was tight as we were paying X2 nursery fees as well but it wasn't as bad as I thought as the pension contribution is so much lower. I'll be looking to move up a grade in the next year which will be 43k.
Loads of roles, I didn't have any other experience and my degree was in education.
School holidays, I don't miss them tbh. I get every evening and weekend and Fridays off. We manage it between us like millions of other non-teaching families do.

And stuff this - it isn’t for you to find cover, are you in a union?

So the problem is that when you can't be in work you feel bad about this because it's pointed out that it's inconvenient.
I don't think you'll find many well paid jobs where suddenly not turning up isn't a pita. Or that person doesn't make it up later in the week or the next. Or isn't already working vast amounts of overtime.
Your manager has to find the cover and pay for them. That's her job. Taking it out on you isn't good though.
Can you change your attitude - you can't change hers but you can change how you react. All parents of small kids have this. Usually 2 parents share the load but that's not happening in your case.
Can you put your child in nursery 4 days a week. You could then swap with a colleague or devote it to working on some tasks to help your manager - you wouldn't have to use it every week. Your DH isn't shouldering the load so something has to give.
Who does pick up the slack when you're not there. Do you say thank you. There's a certain amount of entitlement in thinking you don't owe anything back

Yeah your school is shit.

Try somewhere else first before bailing completely I'd say. I your situation our dept would be nothing but supportive. I'd cover your lesson and no payback needed. They really sound awful.

Other option is supply to see different schools, if you can afford it for a few months. Then apply for one you liked.

Yes, they don’t really help an awful lot with individual cases though. I mean - after the event you can complain about it but it doesn’t help in the here and now!

Thanks @User543211 , I’ve seen a lot of ex teachers seem to work for the civil service now! It does look good.

@PicaK no, that’s not the problem. But thanks for that response.

It is the part time thing @Hercisback1 or I’d apply for another job today.

Email and ask. Many places will consider PT over no one in this climate. You will find something.

You're secondary? Why isn't the Cover Manager/why aren't the cover supervisors picking up the emergency childcare needed?
Yes, if you only have a couple, they may be being used for five lessons but that's not always the case. Ten minutes is a doddle.
Cover manager will know who is around/free for emergency.
You need to insist this is done, monitor how much time you have needed and use union rep for any comeback.
I get it. I do. When I was part-time, I always paid back time off needed for childcare in my days off. I regret that now - nobody else did or felt the pressure to.

Op, not all schools are like this. Mine is great at pastoral support. I urge you to change schools before leaving altogether.

I only have one child (almost 2) but I gave teaching up and tutor in the evenings and honestly I'm amazed how easy it is to build up your client base, especially for online bookings. I am turning people away because I haven't got any space! There is lots of demand from children who are home schooled. If you join those FB groups, you will find a lot of people who want an English teacher.

I would also recommend examiner marking for the summer months when it's a bit quieter.

I will go back eventually but agree with you that schools have such a toxic culture where you feel you can never take any time off, and cover is an absolute nightmare. My husband is a teacher too, and when I had food poisoning a couple of weeks ago, he sat up at 2 in the morning planning his cover, and it took about 2 hours!

Have you considered a termtime only nanny? DH and I are both teachers and when our DC were younger, that was what we did. Our nanny would do all the dropping off and collecting of DC1 for the three days a week she worked for us. It meant our DC1 didn't have to do breakfast/after school club and made teaching manageable.

Teach abroad? The packages for teachers in South East Asia and UAE usually offer free child places. One of the best decisions we made!

I started an TA Apprentice in as SEN school in September, going back to work 5 days a week after no work for 2 years and only 2 2-3 days prior to that has been very hard so I feel you. I have a 2 year old and 6 year old.
The awful thing about being a mum is having to work as well because of the cost of living. It's not like it used to be years ago when you could manage on one income.

There seems to be little care and understanding for working mums, there should be a lot more part time positions out there to support mums going back to work and helping juggle everything.

You need to contact who you are actually employed by and make a flexible working request that fits about your needs as a parent.

It sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. How about dropping one day and picking some tutoring up evenings/weekends to first see how you get on with that?

I must say that a part of me does sympathise with your employer. I have previously had people work for me in similar circumstances to you. After a while it really grated that although they were in a two parent family, it was always me that had to deal with them not showing up to work due to a child emergency, and their colleagues having to work extra to cover, whilst the other parent did whatever they wanted with no impact to their employer.

I much preferred primary to secondary
Once I had 2 and then 3 children I just did supply work at local schools and then as they got older did job shares , PPA cover and tutoring.
It's very hard with young children.

I haven’t had excessive time off @RockGirl . Only one day since September. The issue is that I had the GP appointment and have twice been asked to leave early to get an unwell child and even though I wasn’t actually teaching on those occasions I still had many hoops to jump through.

anyway … I’ve just lost any confidence I had and any enjoyment. I think that’s the crux of the problem here.

I gave up classroom teaching in 2014 and have been tutoring on a 1:1 or 2:1 ( 2 teachers to 1 student) ever since. I start at 9.30am and can either do half days or full days until 2.30pm. Always people to cover if needed, too.
It’s working with children who are out of mainstream (sometimes they’re still in school and you go to work with them individually, but most of the time it’s at their home or an external venue).
I love the job - have been with the same child for 3 years now. The only downside is that it’s officially zero hours and you don’t get paid through the holiday, although you can save enough to cover the holidays.
Its through this company…. https://www.ntas.org.uk/
Might be worth a look as it’s nationwide

Thank you so much!

https://www.ntas.org.uk/recruitment

Just to add - if there is a cancellation within 24 hours you still get paid. We also get a Christmas and end of year meal out which is a lovely way for all the tutors to meet up ( it might vary from region to region)