Conference. DS2 (15) with me. He's ill

[denhaag]

I've come away to a conference (abroad). The only way I could come was if DS2 came with me. It's 1/2 term.
We arrived yesterday evening, all fine. I left early this morning for 1/2 day of workshops. Came back and DS2 is in bed unwell.
He had got up, had a shower (sitting down), ate a bowl of yogurt and then gone back to bed. He's pretty much slept the whole day.
Headache, dizzy, fever (I don't have a thermometer, but he feels warms to touch and is under a million covers). No sickness.
He got up briefly, then back to bed.

So.....now I don't know what to do. If we were at home and he reassured me he was just going to sleep or stay in bed and would call me if he needed me, or a friend/neighbour, then I'd feel OK going out.

I am presenting tomorrow. I have a colleague who could step in, but he's only been with us 5 months - the slides are OK and I have good talk notes, but it's horrid to dump something like that one someone.

It was 1/2hr walk each way so I could get back quickly in an Uber (or local delegate with a car).

I'm also worried that if he's still unwell on Wednesday he won't be able to travel - Eurostar late evening. I have insurance and the health card thingy but waaaaa....what rotten timing.

I'm a lone parent so no partner to talk it over with. I did msg my sister but she hasn't replied. I feel quite alone.

Sounds like he’ll be ok and knowing you can walk back in 30 mins would reassure me it was ok to go.

I thought its obvious each person needs to have their own card, I genuinly dont understand why do you feel you need to point that out?

Just leave him in bed and do your presentation

It will absolutely fine

He's 15

All you'll be doing is sitting down next to him doing nothing while he sleeps or watches TV

He'll be fine whilst you do your presentation

It be ok

Last week I needed to be in London for work, and my 15 year old daughter was unwell with cold/flu symptoms, and with no-one at home to look after her. It's a horrible situation to be in. If it's any consolation, I decided to make the 2 hour commute to the office. As it was she was fine, but it didn't feel great to be leaving her. The reason I say this is that I think that you being half an hour away, making your presentation, would be far less reprehensible that me being 2 hours away.

This is sad to read. Glad he's an ex. Look at how you've made this work: What a brilliant employee you are. Look at how you're caring for your son: What a brilliant mum you are. He's fine. Drugs, water, food, inernet: Go do your presentation.

Indeed. Today was morning only so I've spent the afternoon/evening just hanging around. Been to the shop 3 times, practised my presentation, cooked a meal neither of us fancied (he's not hungry but said he'd try and I'm anxious - less so now), had a snooze, finished my book. If I was at home I'd feel obliged to do housework. I could have done some work but couldn't set my mind to it (and I left no loose ends anyway, what with being away).
It could be worse.

Oh, OP, I know that insidious voice only too well. Every conference or field trip is a 'holiday' or a 'jolly'. You've done brilliantly to leave that behind and move on for a better life for you and your boy - he'll be right as rain soon and your presentation will be fab!

Such bad luck. But, as others have said, he's 15 not 5. You don't think he needs a doctor, so presumably a viral type thing that will hopefully pass as quick as it came. Get on as you would at home, go to work, do the presentation, let him rest and keep in touch. Good luck with presentation! Hope he feels better by tomorrow!

Another vote for you absolutely do your presentation. And harsh as it sounds, you put him out of your mind while you are doing it. The worst of all worlds is being away from him but then stuffing it up because you are distracted. Leave your phone on silent with a trusted colleague so if there was a real emergency he could call and your colleague could signal to you, but that's hugely unlikely to happen.

Look at it this way - as a single parent, you have a big responsibility to your son to do well professionally for all the financial security and stability that provides.

He may get dehydrated with fever and not feeling well enough to drink, so make sure you get him to drink regularly and before you leave. Go just before your presentation and come back straight after so he's not left alone all day.

See if you can book a room at the hotel for DS to rest in on presentation day.

I would see how things are in the morning. Personally, I wouldn't feel great leaving my own son (14) on his own in a hotel but my daughter was more resilient at that age so I may have left her. It just depends on the child and their ability to ask for help if needed. I would err on the side of caution, no thing's going to fall apart if your colleague has to stand in.

Ah bless him. Sounds like he'll be fine just resting quietly. I don't think it's much more risky than being at home alone. You're doing well.

@denhaag I have to say you sound absolutely lovely. You're doing a fantastic job and your DS is lucky to have you as his mum x

Go nail that presentation tomorrow and get yourselves safely home for some rest and TLC x

What's with the obsession with a thermometer - he's 15 years, not 15 months! He's obviously just caught a bug, no need for Drs either.

I agree with the (sensible) majority. Leave him with paracetamol, water, snacks. Make sure his phone is charged and accessible and return as soon as you can.

He'll most likely just sleep.

You're a great mum and doing this single handedly certainly isn't a jolly.

Good luck with the presentation. Do not let your ex sneering at you about your career/work trips make you feel guilty now. You left him to be free of all that bullshit no doubt.

Your son will be totally fine. And he is getting to travel to new places because of you and see his mum do amazing things. (Even if he is ill this time around).

OP I'm glad that ex is out of your hair. Hope your presentation goes well and that your son recovers comfortably. Netflix, TV and a packet of haribo... doesn't sound too bad:)

He’s 15, he has a bug. Presumably he has a phone and the hotel has WiFi. He’ll be fine

Pollyanna here. It could indeed be a lot worse. Blessings to be counted....

1. I bet your presentation is a lot geographically closer to your son than you would be if he was at home and you were at normal workplace.
2. The illness seems to be the sort that will get better with bed rest, lots of sleep, and Netflix. And he has all the pleasure of being in an hotel....
3. .....and if he suddenly DID get worse, there is hotel reception and professional adults around that he can rouse, as well as you fairly nearby on a phone.

Good luck with the presentation! 😅

Surely you wouldn't take a day off work if he was ill at home at this age? Unless seriously ill I mean. It's fine to leave him for half a day. He's old enough to see yo his own food and drink and medicine as long as it's left somewhere handy

Why would he take Peptobismol when he doesn’t feel sick or have diarrhoea?!

If you’re presenting can you just ask a colleague to hold your phone and watch for a message from your son if needed just in case. I would do that for a colleague presenting to stop them fretting.

Oh give over / pulling up on every detail when the op hasn’t suggested they’re following this advice,

The bigger thing is a working single mother feeling guilty when they’re actually doing their best yet questioning whether that’s good enough.

Her care for her child is obvious 🏅

Because last year on holiday I spent an hour or so at the health centre helping a French lady with an EHIC who thought, incorrectly, that it covered her child, who was sick — because her French health system card did cover her child when she was at home in France. So apparently it's not as obvious as all that. 🙏