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Original poster

Telling me to go to my GP

65 replies

BunnyVV · 16/01/2025 16:23

Having a few issues at work. Too long-winded to go into. My work is not suffering. In short, there is some in my team who makes me cry as they are disruptive. (HR investigating, will
probably come to nothing).
As a result, my boss is keeps telling me there’s something wrong and I need to see my GP. I am under the care of my GP for a particular issue that is not straight-forward and I am having tests. It doesn’t prevent me from working. I work cross/functionally with a lot of people all of whom like me and all is ok (but busy). I am managing a heavily operational role and doing fine. Not dropping any balls.

i get she needs to say it once to cover her duty of care for my well-being.

However, every time I cry my boss emails me with her opinion that I need to go to my GP. I keep telling my boss that I have received the instruction from her and HR to speak to my GP, and I have a blood test booked. I feel that this means I am under the care of my GP. I don’t want to go again in case my GP signs me off work for stress. I don’t want to be signed off. I like my job and I am good at it.

my boss keeps emailing me telling me she thinks I should make an appointment with my GP about the fact I keep crying. I confirm I have received the instruction and I feel it’s being addressed in the wider issue where I’m already having tests. She then repeats by sending another email stating that she thinks I need to tell my GP specifically about the crying, but that it’s 100% my decision what I do.

I agree it’s 100% my decision what I do and I ask her to stop sending me emails telling me I should go to my GP again.
She may not agree with my decision but it is what I have decided.

at what point is she overstepping the mark by sending another email to justify her request that I see my GP?

she is starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

i have said I am happy to see the company doctor if they make me an appointment. But please can she stop emailing me about seeing my GP.
I would gladly go to an appointment with the company doctor and they can do any test they like and ask me any questions they like.

OP posts:
blacksax · 16/01/2025 16:31

Just tell your boss that you already have, and the GP told you it was the toxic work environment that was upsetting you.

That should shut her up.

DaftyLass · 16/01/2025 16:33

How often are you crying at work?

Original poster
BunnyVV · 16/01/2025 16:47

DaftyLass · 16/01/2025 16:33

How often are you crying at work?

Whenever my boss reminds me how in her opinion my poor decision making has led there to be a person on my team who shouts at people.

Not really sure my boss is being fair on me here, but it upsets me when I think how this person has disrupted this lovely team I’ve built.

whenever I am put on the spot to interact with this person (eg present together with no prior warning) on a large group call. Again pretty unprofessional of me but I am sad my team has been disrupted, and I do get nervous.

my boss doesn’t think this persons behaviour is bad. It’s not in front of groups but it is in private.

OP posts:
ConEx · 16/01/2025 16:48

Do you think she thinks you're depressed and is worried you're not seeing that and therefore not seeking treatment?

Pinkelephant66 · 16/01/2025 16:50

We need more info on what the person is doing that is leading to you crying

MsWildcat · 16/01/2025 16:52

Regularly crying at work is very concerning though, I'd be worried if someone in my team kept crying.

Soontobe60 · 16/01/2025 16:52

If you are constantly crying at work then clearly something is going very wrong. Your manager is concerned for your mental health and has advised you log this with your GP - all very normal practice. Talk to your GP and also contact your Union for support.

BIWI · 16/01/2025 16:53

That's a lot of crying!

TBH, without knowing more about your HR investigation/circumstances, I'd say I'm not surprised your boss is asking you to get medical advice.

PickledPurplePickle · 16/01/2025 16:53

Something is very wrong if you are crying at work all the time. It sounds like your boss is concerned

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 16/01/2025 16:58

It's a fair suggestion to make. I'd be worried if one of my colleagues cried frequently, and I'd suggest talking to someone might help them deal with things.

pickleslag · 16/01/2025 16:59

So...how many times a month are you crying at work? Are the calls/meetings with lots of people or stakeholders?

Your boss is trying to gently tell you that repeatedly crying at work is not professional or acceptable and wants to know what steps you are taking to address your mental health.

She may have other people in the business telling her to address this with you.

pickleslag · 16/01/2025 17:00

And if you feel that the behaviour of another person is particularly abusive/disruptive then you need to report this to HR and ask them to deal with this person.

Octavia64 · 16/01/2025 17:04

I worked at a school.

In education crying is relatively normal. Most people hide it. Loos or their own office or someone else's office.

In general you were expected to be able to hold it together in front of the kids. If you couldn't you'd be sent home.

Clearly you have a difficult person. Crying in big meetings etc is generally taken as that you are not coping rather than the person is upsetting you.

Are you management? Is it your job to manage this person?

SheridansPortSalut · 16/01/2025 17:06

MsWildcat · 16/01/2025 16:52

Regularly crying at work is very concerning though, I'd be worried if someone in my team kept crying.

This.

Your boss might have a point.

Coolblur · 16/01/2025 17:07

I think what you work as is very important here. They may remove you from your normal duties if they consider there's a safety risk. They are trying to exercise their duty of care toward you, other staff and the business.
Ask for an OHS referral and take it from there.

In my line of work, we'd be removed from front-line safety related tasks in the circumstances described. To do nothing would be negligent on manager's part.

Putting aside your concerns, are you OK? Might it actually help for you to see a GP, discuss the issue and get signed off for a bit? They cannot force you to decide you're depressed or take antidepressants so don't worry about that.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 16/01/2025 17:07

This needs addressing OP, you say it's not affecting your work, but what about your colleagues? It must be very unpleasant for them and also concerning from a safety point of view as it's a manual job.

If you don't get this appointment sorted, you can probably expect to get managed out.

Original poster
BunnyVV · 16/01/2025 17:08

So thanks for the responses. I agree the crying is unprofessional or a concern or however it’s categorised.
i have cried three times since 6th Jan. the rest of the time I am absolutely fine interacting with other people.

my question is specifically around how often my boss should email me once I have confirmed I have received her email loud and clear and I am actually under the care of my GP.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 16/01/2025 17:09

crying at work is not normal. I’m not surprised you are being advised to see your doctor

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 16/01/2025 17:10

You can't keep crying at work. What exactly is making you cry?

Phunkychicken · 16/01/2025 17:11

I guess she wants you to seek support so they don't have to go down a capability route. Which sounds possible from what you've said.

I think she's trying to protect you butt there's only so much she can do before they start the capability process, it puts you in a much better position to be seeking support than just hoping it will go away.

DaftyLass · 16/01/2025 17:14

How many emails has she sent so far?
Is it one every time you cry, or multiple times in a day?

MolluscMonday · 16/01/2025 17:15

I think publicly crying at work three times in eight working days is pretty huge tbh, and your boss is right to be concerned.

How do you see this resolving?

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 16/01/2025 17:21

OP that is not normal behavior at all. If you are being bullied you need to make it official. Crying in meetings etc is disturbing for everyone there, whether once or 3 times. To have acknowledged you are under GP care but as it keeps happening means they need to be contacting you. I'll be honest if you were my employee this would make me extremely worried.

Sarahconnor1 · 16/01/2025 17:21

MolluscMonday · 16/01/2025 17:15

I think publicly crying at work three times in eight working days is pretty huge tbh, and your boss is right to be concerned.

How do you see this resolving?

This.

You need to have a conversation with her about the steps you are taking. If a member of my staff or a colleague was crying at work I'd be concerned, for it to be happening so frequently would be a real worry.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 16/01/2025 17:23

Crying at work is always a concern, but crying in response to being in the same space as someone is alarming. I’d be having a private chat with you to establish what was going on between you and this other person.

It’s not unreasonable for your boss to want the crying episodes resolved. But I think she should be having a proper discussion with you, not just sending emails. Book a meeting with your boss to talk it through, and ask that she speaks to you with concerns instead of emailing. It’s likely that she wants the paper trail, but you can agree a record of meetings to provide that.