My mouth always gets me Into trouble

[another79]

So just as the title says, I'm a very verbal person. I'm not bitchy or nasty & always try to be kind. However if somebody does me wrong I vent to whoever will listen to me. I have made the mistake numerous times of speaking to people who I think I can trust & they'll then repeat what I have said or even worse they'll exaggerate or twist my words. This has caused me problems in my family & work life. I would love to be a quiet person & keep things to myself but when I'm stressed I vent & then I feel better (until it comes back to haunt me). I am the type of person who will never repeat anything that has been said to me if I know it would get that person into trouble but unfortunately other than my dh I don't have anyone I can really trust.
So advice welcome please. Is there a way to stop being like this or is this just my personality?

Work colleagues aren't your friends. Always remember that.

It's time to invest in a journal. You can't be acting like that at work

Talk to your DH!

Vent into a diary, just write it all down and then forget about it.

I find mindfulness helps. I work with a very difficult person. She tried to get me fired and I haven’t really been able to talk to anyone about it apart from HR and my boss. Everyone else seems to think she’s lovely. It was affecting my work so I’ve started having counselling and also practice mindfulness to get me out of the headspace. I wouldn’t recommend talking to colleagues as it will make you look like the bad guy.

Why not use that mouth of yours to address things civilly with the person who’s done you wrong’? No one wants to hear a ‘very verbal’ colleague endless ranting about perceived slights.

'I'm a very verbal person' 😁

That's like a school report where the teacher wants to write 'this child is a total blabbermouth' but needs to be polite.

OP, just stop it. You know you do it, you know it gets you into trouble. Stop blaming others and change your own behaviour!

Learn the lesson and don't over share. Most people want to feel they can bond with and trust others but at work there are too many who pass things on ,so just don't.

Chat GPT is very good for this type of thing go ahead and vent and gripe to it all you want it'll save your real life relationships

Your over sharing and reactionary which probably is due to how you were raised. You can unlearn it

Try and consider the wider implications of your behaviour. It’s not only how it impacts on you. Your boss and colleagues probably have to spend so much time smoothing over irritation caused by you. Your venting could well be exhausting for colleagues and something they dread. Rein it in. This notion that you are incapable of doing something about it isn’t true. You are sufficiently reflective that you have identified as a problem. Now decide on strategies to reduce how often you do this. You could even be open with colleagues about your behaviour and ask them to help you with it.

I'm not bitching, I'm venting. There is a difference. I know colleagues are not my friends but to give some context I work with one of my best friends, she is in a more senior role than me. I'm new to the company she's there over 20 years. We commute together & we both vent to each other about our day. The stuff she tells me is way worse than what I've told her but I have never repeated anything she has said to me. I know things about senior management that so should not know. Because she trusts me I thought I could trust her but I'm starting to realise she's gossiping about the things I have confided in her. I have called her out on one or two things & she was really apologetic but I'm more concerned about what else she has said that I don't know about.

That's what prompted me to start this thread but this is not the first time I've landed myself in this situation, not always at work but life in general.

I know I need to do better & I am trying but I need to get things off my chest, I'm not able to keep things to myself. I have always been this way.

Thanks for the helpful advice so far. I would definitely benefit from mindfulness as my mind never seems to switch off.

What is that?

You need to work on other methods to relieve your stress levels other than venting to others. When you're riled up about something you're much more likely to say something that you would regret being repeated. You need to work at regulating how you feel on your own and then having calm conversations with the people who have stressed you out, rather than venting to the people who haven't caused you the stress.

Can you find a way to vent that doesn't get you into trouble? It sounds like you are venting about people? Can you turn it around to situations instead? Make sure you don't be specific about names or anything identifying?

However if somebody does me wrong I vent to whoever will listen to me.

That is where you are going wrong, entirely. There’s nothing wrong with being verbal if someone has annoyed you so long as it is them you’re being verbal to. What you are doing is bitching behind their backs which doesn’t resolve anything and just makes you look bad.

I agree you need to vent to chat gpt or to yourself on a voice message

Denial is a wonderful tool to remain a nice and caring person.

Well you already know the answer here - stop doing it! Your 'friend' isn't that great of a friend if she'd share what you've told her in confidence. I would honestly stop commuting with her, find some other way to relax such as reading a book or listening to music while you commute, and if you feel such an urge to 'vent' (i.e. bitch about all and sundry and what they've been up to), I echo what others have suggested to write it down AT HOME so no one at work can see what you've written and you get that outlet that you feel you need.

This ^

Venting to the person you're annoyed with, is venting

Bitching is talking about the person you're annoyed with TO SOMEONE ELSE

So.....you're bitching

Stop doing it by using a journal or chatgpt or just vent to yourself alone at home

I can understand how you feel.
However I've recently been in a workplace where the women did this...about me.
They chatted to all and sundry so much so a customer overheard them!!
I try to keep frustration to myself and tell my DH .
Mostly though my cat gets the brunt.
It's a habit to gossip and hurtful to those around.

Can you not just stop venting?
If you must do it then vent to, say, DH about work stuff.
Venting to a work colleague about work stuff is stupidly risky.
You’ve seen the consequences and don’t like them. You can’t say you’re unaware of the risks now.
So surely you can just stop?