I could have been someone…

[Myfailedstory]

Please excuse this rant but perhaps it’s the weather, the crap job market and my hormones all colluding to turn me into someone miserable…

As a child, I was super ambitious though never massively confident.

A handful of years ago, I had a career in a very competitive environment (think telly but not quite). I was forced to leave as many in our org were when their time had come, and got a reasonable pay off. I was semi relieved as I had been in ‘Telly’ for years and although it could seem glamorous from the outside, I began to feel trapped and a bit bored.

I had the chance to spend more time with my small DC. And then about 18 months later went into a more lucrative career with my transferable skills…I was learning and earning. It wasn’t as ‘fame building’ as telly but I was convinced I had leapfrogged several pay brackets with this experience.

Covid hit and with it redundancy. I clawed by way back into another organisation with my transferable skills but that contract could not be extended beyond two years. The pay was good but the title was not.

I convinced myself I would launch my own business or have an internal role with any famous organisation. I don’t know what it is but I’ve failed to build much momentum for the 3 months I’ve been off. Jobs are scarce, pay out there is really poor.

Meanwhile, friends and ex colleagues in telly are doing amazingly well. Think ‘book tours’; ‘own shows’; industry awards etc.

I don’t regret the time with the DC but I do wonder if I should have gone back into ‘telly’ though I was burnt out. I was as ‘good’ as some - not all - of the ones who have gone on to set the world alight. I used to be so ambitious but really struggle to multi task with DC and their needs etc.

Suspect it’s Adhd and menopause looming.

How do I get my career mojo back? Any books/tips?

(I know comparison is the thief of job but I can’t help it).

@Myfailedstory

In the absence of status, I still want to achieve something with the rest of my working life but I haven’t worked out what that is yet.

Yes, this resonates for me too! What really irritates me is when I meet someone new in a social setting - especially men! - and they ask 'what do you do?' with that annoying head tilt that suggests they already think you don't 'do' anything except stay home and be a 'homemaker'!

But it feels a bit desperate to start talking about what I 'used' to do as a career, although I do try to bring relevant stories into a discussion from my former career if possible.

I was hoping/ planned to try to move into an arts-related role once my DC left home and even took some higher education courses, but as a previous poster commented it's very disheartening when you see how age-biased and heavily focused on 'hardship journeys' and minority interests it seems to be these days!
Oh, and AI developing stuff too...

I could have written this post. In my 20s, I worked in the magazine industry. When I used to tell people what I did, they were impressed. People loved to ask me about the celebs I’d interviewed. Now when I tell people that I am a copywriter (on terrible pay) in a very boring organisation, you can see their eyes glaze over.

I gave it all up to move out of London and start a family. And while I don’t regret my choice at all, my ego and self-confidence has taken a serious kicking. My friends and family have no idea how deeply it has affected my self-worth. It doesn’t help that my mother still introduces me as a high-flying journalist and I have to explain that I used to be 🙄.

You are missing the point. The OP is clear that she was very good. Better than many and was doing really well. 'Most' people are fundamentally average and never had the potential to be anything other than ordinary.

You’re missing the reference

Not me who is missing something @downwindofyou

I'm confused by the title of your thread. You could have been someone. You are someone. Someone who is important to the most important person in your world, your child.

Maybe you would benefit by exploring why external validation is so import to you.

Thanks I was trying to place the song lyric

This is an interesting discussion. I think there are lots of us about. I burnt out in my v glamorous first career and kids/ill parents/undiagnosed ADHD really fucked up the second career I tried to carve out for myself. I've made my peace with this most of the time, but it is a difficult process

Thanks I was trying to place the song lyric

Give it a month or so, you'll be hearing it everywhere.

Doesn't it get you down that you had the world at your feet, brains, youth and talent, then society told you that you had to look after the kids.
Same old story for talented women time and time again. It's really tough as you're probably a brilliant mind with huge potential!
If I were you I would work part time, less hours and less tax, whilst working on your own biz where all those skills and rubber stamps would give you really credibility and the wow factor!
You can definitely do it.
Read this book called Womanhooded and it all made sense.
🤪

Going to stick out here but I don't have kids

I do look after a parent but that's not actually why I stepped back

I simply lack the drive and periodically that really bugs me.

Where do people who have a bit of luxury of time/money/seniority find that inspiration?

Loads of charities and not-for-profits would value your experience and expertise. I’m 53, still work but also volunteer as a board trustee and I love it.

With a degree of luxury, you can literally pick and choose what you do with your time. I agree with PP that a career coach could help you identify what fulfils you.

Indeed

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Playing-Big-Practical-Wisdom-Create/dp/1592409601

I like this Tana Mohr book for this, not because you need to go back and play big in your old world, but find out where you could do so in the future if you wanted to, assess what it is you want and act accordingly.

I've definitely had stagnant times and much more exciting times, a slump helps you work out where you need to move to next- it might be into not-for-profit, part-time but a job you love or something else. I have seen many friends go through this, a dip, then a wave of enthusiasm, then a dip, often connected to things outside of work and mid-life, we seem to be making it through and finding new things eventually.

The things you listed- the awards, book tours etc are probably phenomenally hyped up and they’re not earning as much, getting as much job offers as you think. I’m an author and it’s all sparkle sparkle and then you realise people are barely getting paid x

Interesting thread!

I am not doing well & in variations of a rut at an average career 😆

yet can relate to these thoughts and feelings.

Really like the approach you took
Ineedanewsofa and might try it!

could you explain why and how those two books did help you? thank you

But in any case the industry has probably changed massively. I know lots of people - male and female - who had fairly senior journalism jobs (as an example) but are now not working in that industry and either in PR or doing something totally different. Newsrooms are much, much smaller than they were. I hear the same thing has happened in TV. I’d be surprised if PR or advertising are as big as they used to be.

It’s not all to do with having kids and never getting back in - there’s been a massive shift as the money has moved elsewhere. There just aren’t as many jobs.

Thanks @levantine I can relate. I think ADHD may be behind it too. I was always massively inattentive and messy. But could have amazing ideas and execute at speed when I was in the zone. The thing is, I’m crap at being driven in down time yet no longer have enough zest to power through multiple and - importantly - simultaneous tasks.

@EmeraldRoulette I find my kids a semi convenient excuse for not achieving as much as I should. I strongly suspect I would still have lost my drive without them…Looking after a parent is a massive responsibility - hats off to you.

Would you believe @BetterInColour that I downloaded this book about a decade ago and used to subscribe to her emails but weirdly the title put me off and I couldn’t really get past it.

I have tried repeatedly to use life coaches and have been on various programmes and achieved sweet FA.

I too what love to hear how the books ‘Do One Thing’ and ‘Be Obsessive or Be Average’ helped. I don’t know if I have it in me to be obsessive and as for the ‘one thing’, that’s my problem! I think I’ve been partly paralysed hy choice. Ooh look there’s a new client I should chase, there’s a cause I can volunteer with, there’s a DuoLingo special and I can brush up on Swahili for 10 hours a day instead.

I sympathise, having made the same choices, but let me point out that you are quoting almost directly from Marlon Brando's famous line in On the Waterfront: "I coulda been a contender." In the film, he sacrifices a career as a boxer to protecting his fellow union members from a bad employer. The message of his words, to me, has always been: why would his being a professional boxer have been so much better? He could have been famous, but he'd still only have been a boxer.

You were in telly. It's not saving the world. It's not creative particularly. It's just glamour and if you're lucky fame. You not only didn't like it, but you had something more valuable to do with your life, namely your family. You made the right choice, I think (though I would think so, wouldn't I, having made the same choice?).

I do sympathise... but I'm telling you: own your choice.

@TheArtistFormerlyKnownasSuccessful It's all relative though isn't it? I would love to be a Proofreader, Editor or Copywriter. I decided not to, due to a combination of AI in future replacing many of those types of jobs. But perhaps more due to not knowing how (or having the confidence) to get there.

I was always told I had potential in school, similar to other posters, but lack of confidence and neurodiversity meant I struggled to achieve what I wanted. Am now stuck in a care job, wishing I did a nursing degree before having children, but have been doing it for so long I don't even really like it anymore...if I even did at the start. 😂

And I mean "own your choice" in a nice way, to be clear: as in, be proud of what you did do.

I have always considered myself a proud feminist, as my mother was too, but I do think feminism slightly lost its way when we all started buying into the idea that women's lives had to go the way men's lives had always gone. It's time to stop basing our self-worth on money and job titles.

It's pernicious that women are pushed into sacrificing themselves for others all the time -- but it's also pernicious to sacrifice your whole life for prestige. It's pernicious to insist everyone should become a 1950s man. The pattern of work should have changed by now, as well as the pattern of women.

Some of this resonates with me too