Ever get disappointed by the behaviour of a former coworker?

[foreverhopeful2000]

Had to return to my former workplace for a business meeting (space was hired, and it was compulsory). I tell myself that I am a free agent, and to focus on the majority, but one former coworker is really strange. I got a lovely leaving card, with really nice words in it from this person (as did everyone else). I do not expect red carpet treatment upon my return after a few months away but just friendly acknowledgement. I went to a coffee morning and said hello to everyone, and the former coworker walked in and talked to all the guys and ignored me and my former female coworker (quite blatantly). Yet he came in the room several times to draw attention to himself, whilst giving me a side-eye look, observing me in front of my face when I was talking to a former colleague. I haven't run him down. I know there are more important things in the world, but I feel sad that this is probably the last time I will see everyone at my former workplace, and I thought it was a bit off.

i think the Op wanted something to happen

This was a temporary job and seems to have been full of drama from the outset, for the brief time OP was there, then they didn’t make her permanent. She left. And that’s that really. Oh and it would seem problems with lots of colleagues

people are funny
dont know what to say
how is your mother now?
did she survive cancer?

i left a temporary job, they were nice and gave me a plant.
i went back to another temporary job round the corner but same department, their noses were put out of joint it looked like!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5085397-strange-behaviour-of-male-co-worker

this one i presume

you were told very very directly by mumsnet posters that you were way way too invested and sounded quite odd

If they aren’t happy, seeing you doing better in a better job is a bit of a sore spot for them and they react weirdly.

I can relate to this. I was friendly with a colleague in my previous job, but as soon as I left for career advancement, the WhatsApp messages dried up overnight and I realised I was being ghosted.

to be honest, I wasn't particularly bothered, because I have low expectations about the longevity of work friendships. They are more often than not a nice punctuation in the working day, but once you leave the context is lost.

or just someone who saw you as a work colleague rather than a friend, but you see more as a friend rather than a work colleague

So he's always had odd behaviours then, even when you saw him every day? I wouldn't waste time thinking about it in that case

I went back to my old workplace to say goodbye to a well loved colleague/work friend who I was deputy to for many years.
My director wouldn't even look at me! Totally blanked me. Lol.
The MD however warmly hugged me and practically begged me to come back?

Quite a few people who I thought were mates seemed luke warm to my presence, whereas others I didn't think I was so close to were all delighted to see me. Hmm...
Probably says more about me than it does about them!

I think they sound very sensible.
I am not sure what you were expecting but you left, this man owes you nothing beyond basic courtesy and it sounds like you got that.
People write things in cards and say nice things when people leave sometimes but its meaningless, they forget about you as soon as you are out of the door.
You are coming across as very oversensitive and looking for offence everywhere, as evidenced by your reply to this person

I didn't want (or expect) to be made permanent. I had many good memories of staff members and clients, and many good chats and laughs. I just realise the superficiality of working life when you spend more time during the day than you do your partner. It costs nothing to ask how someone is when they leave. My agency had lovely feedback from my senior managers that he emailed back to me, including great feedback from the head of services. What is important in my life at the moment is my relative surviving cancer, supporting another relative with a terminal heart condition and also a mother-in-law who's lost her husband of 70 years.

We don’t know what people say behind our backs. Maybe that jealous bully said something to you colleague.

Many workplaces are weird - let it go.

Sounds like your hands are full. Focus on making sure you do something good for yourself as caring takes a toll.

If you were being bullied, it's possible the bully has badmouthed you behind your back and this is why he is being cold

Actually that would explain his nervous laughter, inability to look me in the face, and rudely gatecrash a coffee morning that was hosted by my ex-coworker. I asked him how he was but he never came over to talk to me. I agree people are weird, he put in my card 'you were wonderful here. thanks for everything xx' Yet he came in with another colleague from another sight to talk to our mutual friend ignoring me and my former coworker. Our mutual friend later emailed me to say that 'unfortunately two interlopers disrupted our discourse' and is arranging pre-xmas drinks with me. I should say that whilst I didn't fall out with my managers, they told me they couldn't provide a reference because they didn't know me that long (however the nice feedback through my agency was enough and I subsequently obtained up to seven names from various jobs as referees). I thought this guy was bloody rude to be honest - I contacted two people close to him that I got on with well (including his secretary and a client) when I worked there to ask for a character reference only never to hear back from them. However I have talked to them since amicably.

Yes, sadly that makes sense.

There's no 'backstory' - never socialized out of work. Just thought it was basic manners to ask after someone when they were ill for two months.

I remember being quite hurt a few years back when I realised a former workmate - who I’d thought was a work mate too, considering he’d been to dinner at my house - had deleted me from Facebook. I then laughed when he contacted me not long afterwards on LinkedIn asking for my help with an upcoming project. Sorry “mate”, but if you can’t even be arsed to read the occasional update about my life, you can’t expect my professional support.

You're overthinking it, he was always hot and cold, that's who he is. It will be about internal factors in him, not about you. And if she has talked about you, it makes sense for him to signal loyalty to the person he's still working with, not you. It's work, not personal.

I should say that I had to return to my former workplace last week not because I particularly wanted to but because someone had hired the space in another capacity (I'm working as a committee member for a local organisation). I was calm, polite and professional to everyone - including the man. I ripped up the leaving card which felt good. I decided to take the high road publicly because I realise that a) you never know when you have to cross paths again as it's six degrees of separation with who you know and b) it gives you superpower over the haters.

One thing I learned: don't revisit the workplace if you can help it. I tried to do my meeting through zoom but the event organiser said it was compulsory for me to turn up in person. However, despite my ex coworker being ignorant it was actually a good thing because you finally see people's true colours after they leave. His body language was a dead give away that he had been nasty behind my back. The fact that our mutual friend referred to his behaviour in an email a few days later tells me that he recognises his friend was an idiot. A second man in the meeting room had the manners to acknowledge the rude gatecrashing -the ex-coworker disappeared out the room without a word. I actually felt bad for my female ex-colleague who was hosting the event because he blanked her too whilst dominating proceedings.

@foreverhopeful2000 you're definitely not wrong there. What a pallaver. I hope you could subtly suggest booking a different venue for these events in future!

Trouble is that whilst I am not trying to make it hard on myself, I don't want to give power to the situation or the guy in question. I don't feel that I've done anything wrong. When I left, I took the high road, gave cards to the senior management team, gave a general polite shoutout via email to the whole team and never confided in anyone on site. I've also been professional not letting my guard down with ex-clients who have become friends as they still have a link to the place. When I went in last week there was more life in a morgue, it was very sombre and totally not the same place I remembered. Anyway, what can they do about it? I am a client and member of the public and as long as I do my thing and I don't react to anything then there's no comebacks.

I would have deleted him off LinkedIn if he dissed you on FB.

It’s fairly weird that you returned to a workplace you were bullied out of to volunteer, op.
Don’t overthink the fact that not everyone was thrilled to see you.

Worked for a company for 18 years, started as a temp and worked my way up through the company. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and had to leave for health reasons. Not even a card or an email was sent when I handed in my notice.