Ever get disappointed by the behaviour of a former coworker?

[foreverhopeful2000]

Had to return to my former workplace for a business meeting (space was hired, and it was compulsory). I tell myself that I am a free agent, and to focus on the majority, but one former coworker is really strange. I got a lovely leaving card, with really nice words in it from this person (as did everyone else). I do not expect red carpet treatment upon my return after a few months away but just friendly acknowledgement. I went to a coffee morning and said hello to everyone, and the former coworker walked in and talked to all the guys and ignored me and my former female coworker (quite blatantly). Yet he came in the room several times to draw attention to himself, whilst giving me a side-eye look, observing me in front of my face when I was talking to a former colleague. I haven't run him down. I know there are more important things in the world, but I feel sad that this is probably the last time I will see everyone at my former workplace, and I thought it was a bit off.

yes. I thought my former colleagues were friends but when sudden redundancy happened, they were gone. A similar thing is happening to another friend now so it might say something about loyalty

It's a weird one. He put nice words in my card 'you were wonderful here. Thanks for everything. wishing you the best of luck xx' (should stress the xx doesn't mean I see it 'more' for what it is). Whilst he responded to me with a couple of lines, he acted like a stranger which was hurtful when i think of all the times i interacted with him.

quite a niche specific thread! 😆

There’s a reason you left. I don’t know how vocal you were about the change you were looking for or what morale is like at your old work place but sometimes it’s a bit like being left behind. If the person is happy in their job, they are probably really happy for you and that you’ve made the change best for your circumstances. If they aren’t happy, seeing you doing better in a better job is a bit of a sore spot for them and they react weirdly. I had a former colleague tell me over and over again how flexible our old work were when I mentioned the flexibility at my new job, even though I know my old employer wasn’t flexible and that’s one of the reasons I left!

I try my best LOL. Just fed up with the weirdness of people that talk with you for almost a year - only to treat you like a something from Mars upon your return.

My current situation is that I am unemployed. I resigned to look after my mum with cancer and my husband with leg injury. That was the official line which was true however a coworker bullied me out of the job (I never confided in anyone). Anyway, gave everyone a 'thank you' email without hinting at any unpleasantness behind closed doors. I just don't know how someone can gush in a card - then act dead cold like that. I mentioned in front of him some good news - including an award I was getting (without going on about it) and he sounded a bit off.

I was at my previous work place for years and thought I had some good friends there.
When I left it was like I was forgotten completely.
I have seen people from there a few times and it's like I'm a stranger

Sad isn't it. I don't know what is wrong with me thinking about this person. It was a weird situation. I asked him how he was and we had an awkward exchange but not once did he ask me how I was doing. He was the most unusual colleague who would go from cold to flirty to friendly to cold. When I left he was one of the few who shook my hand and I thought that was a kind gesture. I just wanted a different 'ending' with a more enthusiastic reception - him observing me with a side glance in front of me was odd. I've also worked in companies where I've had people say 'we'll be friends forever' writing in my card 'we will stay in touch' only to get radio silence.

would i be correct in thinking that you’d had a bit of a low level flirty thing going on with him and you’re hurt he seems to have lost interest

How was the co worker who bullied you out of the job??!

Had to return to my former workplace for a business meeting (space was hired, and it was compulsory).

but you are unemployed?
or was it to do with your departure from this job?

It wasn't anything to do with the job I left. It was as a volunteer on a project.
I saw the woman who was nasty today. She and I didn't exchange a word. She had a face like thunder. However, I looked unbothered. However, everyone else was polite and professional. It terms of the man, it was more of a corporate ego boost (nothing came from me my side). I am actually just hurt that he acted as if I had no value as one who wasn't a colleague anymore. Also I remembered that when I contracted pneumonia and mentioned it briefly upon my return to my job in the tea room he just said 'there's a lot of bugs here' which should have been a fair indication of what an insensitive person he was.

bloody hell op

which should have been a fair indication of what an insensitive person he was.

Well, to someone with very thin skin

I worked with someone for nearly 10 years, we didn’t do the same work but were in an open plan office and had several chats. He always had a story to tell, they were funny and engaging stories and I liked listening to them. Nothing romantic in anyway, just colleagues that worked in the same office.

I took redundancy and the day I left the building he unfriended me from Facebook. Got to admit that stung a bit.

i have seen him a couple of times since over the years and he was his usual chatty self. Weird.

I think when you are going through a life threatening condition, being kind costs nothing. Perhaps that's too old school.

Yep. I think office life has got worse over the years. The irony is life is a transition and nobody has their job for life, so it would be interesting to see how they are treated if the boot was on the other foot.

I would be surprised in your shoes, not expecting to be treated like a long lost friend, but at least pleasant greeting and courtesy. I don't ever expect once I leave a job to keep in touch, but when I have met those I previously worked with, a polite conversation has ensued.

you had pneumonia
you returned to work
he made passing comment loads of bugs

OP, you sound very odd and having just read all your other threads about this workplace, i think it’s for the best that they decided not to make you a permanent employee.

Did you say 'Hi Tommy, how've you been?" to him?

It sounds as if he was waiting for you to notice him and you were waiting for him to say hi. Right now he is probably starting a thread saying "Ever get disappointed with the behaviour of a former colleague?"

honestly? I doubt he even really registered the Op’s return

She’s calling him insensitive for making a comment about lots of bugs in the office post her return from pneumonia. i mean what did you expect op. You were a temporary colleague that he hasn’t known very long (oh and is this the married one?)

you sound like a right...

Actually I did.

I think you hoped for some kind of fanfare
but clearly he didn’t deliver
and you’re pissed off
you’ll likely never see him again
so 🤷

Am I missing something here? Were you having some kind of emotional affair with this man? And were expecting a more rapturous welcome when you went back to your former workplace?
Either I'm being particularly dim this evening, or there's a back story that I am totally unaware of.