Should I report this to HR or get over myself?

[Indu29]

Hi Mumsnetters!
An incident happened at work where I'm no longer able to relax, or feel like myself. If I am being honest, I'm left feeling traumatized and scarred.
I had a friend at work, lets call her Jane who was unhappy at her department. Because I noticed that and wanted to help, I asked Jane to move to the department I'm working in and replace me, as I was going on maternity leave. I recommended her to my manager, helped her fill out the application form and she got the role.
Once she started working in my team, I trained her and we shared a close bond with each other. Just before I went on maternity, she organised a farewell gathering for me. Jane was also made permeant within my team.
However during my leave, Jane was struggling in my team as another coworker was not pulling her weight in and my manager (Sarah) got promoted, and hired another manager to replace her (let's call this new manager John).
Now Jane hated john as she felt he was incompetent. Sarah asked Jane to train John, which she hated. Jane spread rumours about John, saying he was inefficient and when Jane had problems about John's work, she complained straight to Sarah instead of dealing with John directly. Sarah eventually had enough of this as Jane kept on complaining for months and asked Jane to move departments if she is struggling with john.
I recently came back to work from maternity and one of the first things I noticed is that Jane is not doing as much work. Which I thought fine, she can do whatever and I will focus on my job.
Last week, Sarah called me about a minor question regarding my work but I was not available to pick up. So Sarah called Jane instead, hoping she can assist her.
As a result of this, in our group chat, Jane messaged @Lara do this task and contact X and you have written this draft wrong.
Jane then privatley messaged me to say she cant take calls on my behalf as she has her own work load, this is challenging for her and requested me to keep on top of my work to ensure good communication and workflow.
Now obviously I'm left upset as she has exposed me on the group chat, the way she had written her message to me has left me feeling like a naughty child. I am also worried that Jane might fixate on me, in order to find faults like she did with John.
What would you do if you were me?

I did try. When my father passed away a couple of years ago I started to feel suicidal, thinking I'm not good enough and dont deserve my life. I was assessed and was diagnosed with moderate depression and high anxiety. But my family told me not to seek therapy due to the stigma around mental health. Therefore I never recieved the help I needed

I can tell you that every HR team I’ve run would be advising you to sort it out like adults, either between yourselves or involving your managers (the clue is in the job title).

I do work hard.
But I noticed Jane is doing less work than myself even though shes on a higher salary due to her previous experience

John is still my line manager, Sarah has always been on Johns side every time Jane complained.
John has never said anything to Jane but he is aware that Jane has complained about him (through Sarah)

Ok I will speak to my line manager and leave it

She writes like a self-important prick but the time to address it was in the group chat. That time has passed so you just need to cut her down if there’s a next time.

How do I cut her down if there is a next time?

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm afraid this was really bad advice from your family, though I'm sure that they meant well.

Please go get the therapy that you feel you need. There is no shame in having mental health difficulties that you are actively seeking to address.

Honestly, I would be inclined not to say anything even to your line manager on this occasion. You can keep the messages as evidence in case things escalate, but raising it now risks making yourself look petty.

Instead of worrying about this, focus on your mental health and building that back up again. That will make by far the biggest difference to your well-being in the longer term.

I just hope she doesnt fixate on me like she did with john because I'm not strong enough to deal with that. I will literally have a breakdown if I have to go through that

HR won't do anything, you need to stand your ground though.

"Jane I was unavailable for Sarah's call due to other work commitment. I have no expectation for you to do my tasks, in future if you have any concerns I'd appreciate if you'd address them directly with me as this was not an appropriate way to speak to me in front of others."

Sounds like Jane is the common denominator here.

@Indu29 Please listen to what everyone is saying, you’re fixating on the worse case scenario and you don’t even know if it will happen!

What happened to John wasn’t nice but your manager didn’t believe Jane for a second and John is still working
way.

Jane moved from department to department, the bosses will know she is the issue.

Forget about what’s happened. Focus on your mental health right now. I think it would be best to go and speak to your gp about your anxiety and work on making yourself feel better.

I would just reply saying “Sorry Jane, I wasn’t able to pick up when Sarah called so she thought you may have been able to help. Don’t worry though I will sort it directly with Sarah”.

If you feel this was a bit of a bitchy message then it was a good thing that your co-workers seen it too.

If she has form for this behaviour then they’ll soon start seeing that she is the problem.

I would log every incident and report anything that is inappropriate.

It is very difficult coming back after maternity leave.

Try not to let things that haven’t happened yet worry you.
Carry on working as normal and if anything arises in the future, you can deal with it then.

@Indu29 just say to her that while it’s fine to ask and share ‘team’ info on the team chat, it’s kinder etiquette to discuss perceived issues with actual work on a 1:1 basis. Especially as she might even have misunderstood the situation. But I think she probably just didn’t want to be involved. Why not ask Sarah what she thinks about it all?

Jane is a troublemaker. Didn't get on in the first dept you mentioned, didn't get on with the co-worker, didn't get on with John, and is now antagonising you.

Not enough for an HR complaint yet, but document all your interactions, starting with the one you mention where she throws you under thd bus. (BTW if I were Sarah I'd be interested in hearing about Jane's reaction to Sarah calling her when you were not available.)

Jane is not your friend. Document, document, document.

I'm not sure who @lyra is in the OP - was that a typo, or is she a third colleague she was asking to do it?

Either way, I've been undermined by a colleague at work before in front of others. It was vaguely similar wording / attitude actually. It wasn't nice and it did bother me. And I think it probably played on my mind for a week or so. And it does still pop into my head on occasions when I am dealing with this colleague.

Ultimately though, I just had to let it go.

I am cordial when I have to deal with this colleague but I am wary of her don't want to give her a reason to behave like that again.

You're just back from mat leave, you will be feeling very vulnerable.

Just focus on yourself and your work. Build your relatiknships with Sarah and John. Keep a distance from Jane.

As I say, I'm not fully sure what it was she said to you and who Lyra is, but either way, I think the time to have addressed it was at the time.

So let that one go, but posters on here have given some good examples of what to say if she says anything like that again.

I think the biggest problem you have at the moment is obsessing that she will become fixated on you. Forget about it move on and get on with your work. Don't worry about something that hasn't happened.

You have said that Sarah has always backed John so clearly she already thinks that Jane was the issue.

From what you said they got fed up with Jane's constant complaints so if you start pointlessly complaing to HR you won't be achieving anything.

I worked in a place where everyone moaned and complained about the tiniest thing it was like working in a playschool rather than an adult job.

You just defend yourself professionally by defusing whatever she is trying to imply.

Let what go??

Good grief, calm down. Ignore and do nothing. But take a photograph of the message, as evidence.

and if she does it again just send a polite text to firmly put her in her place. Thanks Jane but ....

This is perfect advice.

Distance yourself from Jane.

Write down details of any issues that arise. If it starts to show a pattern, take your notes to John.

In the short term. I'd write it down and then decide to yourself that it's dealt with. And you're prepared for if it happens again.

Every time you think of this interaction, force yourself to think of something happier.

Are there any mentorship programmes at your workplace? I wonder whether a mentor might help you get back into the swing of work politics?

This exactly …

The reason she wasn’t happy in the other team may have been a problem with her ..

you are jumping 6 steps ahead . You give a clear professional reply just like the one quoted .

Jane is a dick. Your line manager John has first hand experience of this so will not pay much attention to anything Jane says. Seems like Sarah also sees through her. Likely any other collegues do too.

She is a trouble maker, just distance yourself. Be civil and professional but nothing more and focus on your own work.

If Jane does anything else remind yourself "there's Jane being an idiot again" it is a reflection on her personality not yours. If you have to then tell her to speak to your manager about any problems, and let Sarah know herself if she doesnt want to be contacted as back up.

It all sounds very dramatic OP. And why do you know about what happened when you were on maternity leave? You seem to be heavily involved in all this and it's not healthy.

I know because Jane gave me monthly updates of what happened

I got confused by the whole thing. Who is Lara?