I'm embarrassed to admit this because I've worked in offices for decades and coped with all sorts of people, but there's something about the new assistant that makes my skin crawl and sets off my fight/ flight response. I've tried rising above, I've tried avoiding and throwing a metaphorical protective shield around me, but after a month, when I hoped things would have settled down and I'd have been able to overcome my response to her, I feel even more 'Aaaaagh, get her away from me' than ever before. I'm female, by the way. Reading this back I realised that it might look as if I'm male.
I try to be an appropriately open and friendly colleague. I try to keep things professional, non-gossipy but cordial and polite. I seem to get on fine with most people.
The new woman is very intrusive. I've watched her in action and she picks up on little things people say and prods and interrogates them until they tell her more than they are comfortable with. She's a gossip and uses information she's gathered to spark dramas and stir things up. She has several times told me things that apparently my colleagues have said hoping, I suspect, for a response from me. I've ignored but a couple of people have been lured into the game and there's been tension.
In my very first conversation with her she was clearly fishing regarding office politics and personal stuff and it's gone on in the same vein — all too personal, too nosy. She finds sexual innuendo in the most benign remark and is constantly making physical contact. Earlier this week I had to sit beside her while talking her through a process on the computer. She moved her chair so that she was squashed up hard against me: not just brushing me occasionally, but snuggled up into me from shoulder to hip, with her thigh against mine. I moved my chair away and said 'We're at work, please give me some space' and she said 'Oh, you're one of those who don't like human contact, are you?' She also comes too close when speaking to people: she literally gets in peoples' faces and touches them — I've seen her grab someone's arm and then not let go when it's clear they want to step away.
I'm not the only person to be struggling with her and there have been quiet exchanges with other colleagues and eyes rolled. But I seem to be the most triggered by her and don't feel that I want to spend the last couple of years of my working life in her presence. I know it sounds ridiculous but it's a very strong, visceral response that I can't control.
I've never had to approach management about anything like this before and am scared of being accused of prejudice or being told I'm unreasonable and to get over it. What do I say? What do I ask for? What happens when someone who's been in post several years, without issues, goes to a manager and says they can't work with a new team member?
PS We worked from home during Covid but have been back in the office 4 days out of five for the last year. I could ask for an extra day wfh, I suppose, but as I'm in a supervisory position I'm not sure it would be granted.