Coerced into vulnerability session

[Watdidusay]

My team were brought into a mandatory vulnerability day with HR because of performance issues.

We were sat down and asked to share our most frightening experience. People were sharing stories of traumatic deaths of partners, being beaten nearly to death by violent family, one watched their mother jump out a window.

Everyone was bawling their eyes out.

We were then asked to share each team members best and worst trait, individually. Once again tears flooding. Comments like "maybe you're like this because of your childhood" etc were flying out.

There was no prep for this and no psychological support. Everyone said they felt coerced and are very upset.

Is this normal? We all think there's something wrong here.

People can function perfectly well at work even with 'unmanaged' psychological issues. My personal trauma is mine to manage as I see fit and if it doesn't impact on my work It's none of their business.

Omg, are you for real? I have been through some traumatic things in my life, their impact will never completely go away, but I function very effectively in a senior role at work (as well as as a mum and general member of society). Would I be ok if someone sat me in a room filled with colleagues and forced me to relive any of those traumatic events, with no warning or support? Of course I wouldn't. You have an extremely blinkered view of life.

We didn't get any agenda or schedule for the day so had no idea we'd be doing this. There was no option not to do it

This is emotional abuse. And it was deliberate. They kept you in the dark so they could blindside you with it and not give you a chance to decide whether to comply.

Like any abuser they'll be now acting like they've done nothing wrong and if you've got a problem with what they did it's because you're "too sensitive/can't take a joke/overreacting". "It was only [insert minimising excuse here]".

They'll be gaslighting you and minimising your experience with phrases such as

"nobody forced you to share anything or listen to anything",
"if you were overwhelmed you could have left the room",
"what's to feel bad about a bonding day? That's an unreasonable reaction/feeling/response from you, you've nothing to feel bad about",
"nobody else has a problem with it",
"you stayed there and went through with it, so it's your fault if you feel bad", etc.

None of which is true.

I keep on thinking about this, and thinking “what would I do?” (we have a development day coming up 😬)

@Watdidusay has anyone challenged them on it since?

No.

I keep reading this post and as a very experienced HR professional this is so many shades of wrong I am mortified and I see a lot of shit HR stuff.

Regardless of what your CEO did or didn't do I would guess he has listened to his HR person and gone along with this imagining it's the right thing to do.

You must complain in writing, you need them to tell you how they were qualified to deliver this session; where they got the training materials from; where the training needs analysis is; where the risk assessment is and how they intend to support employees as a result of the session.

Once you have this information you can decide how you want to proceed, but you certainly have a complaint under the H&S @Work act where it is the responsibility of the employer to provide you a safe place of work; this includes your mental health.

Good luck

The notion that a company would make their employees sit around and talk about parental suicide and familial abuse and violence, in order to increase fucking productivity and performance is Black Mirror levels of absolute depravity.

This.

I wouldn't have walked out but tried to be very quiet - but then I have experience of a friend tuning a worry and frightening medical negligence experience we'd got though into a constant scab to pick at and way to blame me - left me with something mentally dealt with upset and angry with no outlet - had to get very impolite and start to avoid - that's harder to do with work colleagues - unless they want the team to quit I think this could worsened productivity.

It has definitely worsened productivity very quickly.

Another senior, experienced HR person here and I think you should draw breath and follow @JemOfAWoman 's advice.

I would add this is not normal! I completely get so many people here saying they would have refused and walked out but I also know that when you are in the middle of that situation and are wondering if only you feel this is weird it isn't easy to do that. Don't feel bad because you didn't walk out!

Finally I agree with the other posters who have commented on this "bring your whole/authentic self to work" rubbish. It is just that - rubbish. If someone is a misogynist arse I do NOT want them bringing that to work. If someone is a loud, obnoxious bully they can leave that at home too!

Good luck