Coerced into vulnerability session

[Watdidusay]

My team were brought into a mandatory vulnerability day with HR because of performance issues.

We were sat down and asked to share our most frightening experience. People were sharing stories of traumatic deaths of partners, being beaten nearly to death by violent family, one watched their mother jump out a window.

Everyone was bawling their eyes out.

We were then asked to share each team members best and worst trait, individually. Once again tears flooding. Comments like "maybe you're like this because of your childhood" etc were flying out.

There was no prep for this and no psychological support. Everyone said they felt coerced and are very upset.

Is this normal? We all think there's something wrong here.

Also, when your brain gets taken over by your trauma because someone has just asked you what the worst thing that ever happened to you is, you're literally not capable of making something innocuous up, because your brain thinks the trauma is happening to you again, right now. Even if you have it together enough to dissemble, let's say someone else starts sharing their experience of <trauma you experienced>, and that sets you off while you're trapped in this room, and now you're fucked.

Awfully easy to say "if nobody has any significant psychological problems", but in any group of any size, people will have been through some shit, and they should not be being forced to relive it at work, in front of their colleagues.

I work in HR. This is insane

@MutantBug but that's the point- you have no idea who has a hugely traumatic past.

Were any of your colleagues sexually abused as children? Do you know? I dont. Do you think any of them who might have been abused have confided in the rest of the people in their office, or that there's a good chance nobody knows? What happens if this session triggers a flashback, a huge response, a panic attack? Given that there is nobody trained in mental health there, who is responsible for what they have just done to that person and helping them get through it? Or paying for them to be off work for the next few days while they deal with the trauma of an unexpected event like this?
Or if nobody has openly reacted in the meeting, what happens if they have managed to hold it in for the meeting, but then they go home and have serious repercussions?

It's just downright scary, ill considered, reckless behaviour that eventually will have serious implications. Absolutely unbelievable, and I would absolutely complain, voice my opinions, and look if there was anyone external I could put in a grievance to- it definitely warrants a call to ACAS at least.

This is mental!

Speaking as a therapist this is the most horrifying abuse of you and your coworkers I have heard of since the Milgram experiment. Its not ok to put people in this kind of traumatizing situation in a work or social context. This is the very practice used by cults from Nexium to Scientology and its hugely dangerous to everyone’s mental health.

This

Appalling

Sue the fuckers

This is totally inappropriate. Have you spoken to any colleagues about the session. I would consider collaborating with colleagues to write a letter together to management about your concerns if they are in agreement. Something like this should not be allowed to happen again.

Our employer- a local authority- has made it very clear that they will never hold these kind of sessions and this was supported by unions. They are completely inappropriate and unprofessional.

Vulnerability day! WTAF
I have never heard of this and thank fuck from the sounds of this

I do remember that my workplace (in mental health) had a big thing on lived experience and people sharing their stories in the staff newsletter with the aim of reducing stigma and I was asked to contribute my experience of severe PND and refused.

I was pissed off to be asked by my manager because that was confidential info as far as I was concerned and no way was I going to be sharing that around a whole massive organisation. I felt it would change how people see me and not in a good way. Plus I just am not ready to rake over some horrible experiences and feel so vulnerable at my workplace

I don't get this bring your whole self thing or vulnerability being a good thing at work. In my work role I very deliberately do not bring my whole self and I do not want to be vulnerable. I am sure I do draw on my life experience in my practice but not in any overt way. I really don't feel the need to do that or see why it's a good thing

And that's in an actual mental health trust
If you work in corporate banking or publishing or something I am even more puzzled as to the need for this.

@@Watdidusay So at the end of the session, what were HR’s “takeaway thoughts” on everyone’s vulnerabilities? What was the objective, and have you been given any idea what they expect you to do with all the new found insights into your colleagues traumas?

Sounds like a major fk up by your HR.

Definitely complain. Did your CEO divulge any terrible trauma or did they sit back and let the minions bare their souls?

Why did the CEO not end the session? It clearly went too far.

Good luck finding a new job. I couldn’t continue there for much longer.

Can I ask why they felt the need to state they would never hold them? Is it a known thing? Had the idea been floated and workers had pushed back?

No takeaway thoughts. We just finished when everyone was done sharing their experiences. The aim was to build trust.

@Watdidusay im really sorry you and your colleagues have been put through that.

Totally inappropriate.

Your HR person surely didn’t expect that type of info to be divulged? They were clearly out of their depth.
I hope they are thoroughly ashamed.

I would be raising the question around who leading the session was qualified to manage any risk or re-traumatisation as a result of the session, who was qualified to respond appropriately to disclosures, what safeguarding conversations and management plans had been put in place before hand (for instance- what if current abuse had been disclosed, or if someone had disclosed historical DV /perpetrator abuse where the person was still able to access victims). How was consent given and how did they ensure people weren’t consenting out of fear of retribution / reaction from other colleagues. why weren’t people given an option to leave if they did not want to participate.

You and your colleagues need to email your manager, the head of HR and the CEO asking all of @Hellobabs very important questions above. Please, please do this. If this is a valid training or team building technique, they will have comprehensive and valid answers to each one. If they can’t answer any of them (which I’m guessing is the case) then they owe you all a huge apology and some compensation.

send the email from a shared team inbox and sign the names of everyone who took part (if they consent, of course). They absolutely need to be held accountable for this and deserve to be shitting themselves at the possible repercussions.

You are wrong. It is abnormal to cry at work, it mean something is wrong.
You sound as if you think it is the employees fault if they suffer after a day like this? Oh they must have had psychological problems. You sound pretty ignorant of mental health.
Sharing something awful in a setting where there is no one skilled enough to handle it, some debriefing and proper consent, can re traumatise people. It can trigger people experiencing flashbacks, depression and anxiety. Even if the individual did not share much, listening to an employee describing an experience very similar to theirs can retraumatise them.
In any group of employees there will be people who have been raped, who have suffered childhood sexual abuse, been in a domestically violent relationship, tried to kill themselves or had someone close to them who has. None of these are uncommon experiences. They are unfortunately all relatively common. And the truth is your work colleagues are not a psychologically safe group of people to divulge very personal experiences to.

I suspect OP they did not warn you beforehand so you did not have time to make something up.

This is outrageous. Are others talking about this and their feelings about it?

They had no idea if anyone had psychological issues - and as others have pointed out traumatic experiences are horribly common.

As for crying at work, I've not done so in 35 years of employment.

And the only time I can remember one of my colleagues doing so was when she'd been caught up in the 7/7 attacks.

It was raised as a question to HR by staff who had heard about them and had talked to unions. It was then raised at the regular employer plus union reps meeting and we all agreed it is not appropriate professional development activity.

Ok but surely if they have unmanaged psychological issues then there's a bigger problem than the HR session??

Jesus Christ. Tell me you have no experience with trauma without telling me you have no experience with trauma.

You're embarrassing yourself.

"Jesus Christ. Tell me you have no experience with trauma without telling me you have no experience with trauma.

You're embarrassing yourself"

I agree. Shockingly naive.

How do you know they are unmanaged? Managing your past trauma does not mean you can just tell colleagues all about it.

@MutantBug are you pretty young?