Coerced into vulnerability session

[Watdidusay]

My team were brought into a mandatory vulnerability day with HR because of performance issues.

We were sat down and asked to share our most frightening experience. People were sharing stories of traumatic deaths of partners, being beaten nearly to death by violent family, one watched their mother jump out a window.

Everyone was bawling their eyes out.

We were then asked to share each team members best and worst trait, individually. Once again tears flooding. Comments like "maybe you're like this because of your childhood" etc were flying out.

There was no prep for this and no psychological support. Everyone said they felt coerced and are very upset.

Is this normal? We all think there's something wrong here.

I got put in a session where I was asked to 'share'. I refused point blank. Said I didn't feel comfortable. They begged, pleaded, raised voices... nope. I refused. They gave up. I can be stubborn when I want to be 🤣

HR ran it

And the company paid actual money to a service provider for this damaging nonsense?

I got assigned to a "wellbeing group" at work where we were supposed to discuss the things that were stressing us with a randomly selected group of colleagues. It wasn't as bad as this, but it was bad enough.

I said a flat no and sent the organiser some very specific feedback. The groups seem to have collapsed already.

No they ran it themselves, no external provider.

Okay so at least I know this is normal! Everyone is emotionally exhausted and feeling awful now

This is absolutely not normal!
Was there a debriefing?
Are you in a union? I would go straight to them and get them to take this further. No way should you be left feeling very upset by an "event" at work. You are paid to go to work and provide your labour in exchange for money. You do not go to work to be exposed to such distress

This is so irresponsible of the HR team and employer. I'd lodge a formal complaint! People could be very traumatised as a result

Was there literally not an option to say no or walk out? I would’ve done both after the first couple of stories. This sounds horrendous, unethical and unproductive, I would’ve been genuinely unable to cope. What industry do you work in where this could’ve been remotely helpful?

Was it optional to take part? Were you made aware of the agenda beforehand?

This is so unbelievably awful. Imagine what could have happened if one of the group members was suppressing memories they weren't ready to face?

Whatever happened to privacy and boundaries in the workplace?

I'd feel very vulnerable if I'd taken part in this. How do you trust anyone not to share your secret? To exploit your fears? To judge your past?

I'd be phoning in sick tomorrow and calling any employee assistance provision for advice and support.

I can sort of se that the idea came out of some of the work on vulnerability and trust in groups. But that is the most unethical and inappropriate way to run training and a real misunderstanding of the research! Risk of retraumatising people and also vicarious trauma to all involved. I think you have to raise this up the food chain. If your colleagues are happy to, and shared your feelings, I’d suggest feeding back collated feedback from a few of you together so that no one person has their head above the parapet.

No briefing, no option not to take part, no agenda beforehand. Asked beforehand what we would be doing but not told.

Unfortunately no contractual sick pay so will have to continue work as normal

Fucking hell. No, that's definitely not OK.

Have they kept records of the session? Has somebody noted what they can use as coercion against the staff at a later date?

Oh gosh I hadn't even thought about that!

I worked (for one week only!) at a large chain sports centre. They employed a tactic they called "emotional selling". So people come to the spa/gym/pool for their no-obligation induction day (having had their phone number harvested previously with the lure of a free gift and prize draw to go along with the induction day, and phoned constantly until they agreed to come for the induction to stop the company calling them up). They fill in the introduction form asking, amongst other things, what lifestyle reasons they're considering joining. So someone mentions eg wanting to lose weight after their obese family member passed away or wanting to get in shape for their wedding. To get them to purchase membership, when carrying out the induction we were supposed to say things like "image how much better you'll look on the beach in your swimsuit on honeymoon once you've lost the wobbly bits", "consider how much more reduced your chances of dying of xyz obesity related conditions will be if you lose the excess weight". I called it bullying and resigned.

Unfortunately no contractual sick pay so will have to continue work as normal

Honestly, don't. Taking a few sick days now will cost you a lot less in the long run than perhaps permanently damaged MH further down the line, if you don't deal with the after effects of this session appropriately now. You've had a traumatic experience, you need time to process it and recover, not sweep it under the carpet and pretend it didn't happen.

This.

What type/size of business is this? Is there somewhere you'd go up to report?

Having worked in many HR teams which jumped on latest trends, no, this is not a thing and puts them in a very tricky legal place.

I'd be looking for a new job, walk away from this stupidity.

So, correct me if I’m wrong HR thought your team’s poor performance is because of personal traumatic experiences rather than what is going on in your actual workplace?

WTF have I just read?
I'd be contacting ACAS and lodging a grievance personally. Get everyone to do it. This is horrendous

Sorry OP I think you need to collectively raise a serious grievance, this is completely inappropriate.

I am a psychologist, there is no way I would ever even consider this. HR have no idea about people’s backgrounds and trauma. Statistically speaking you would expect at least one person to have significant trauma which may well have been re-activated to even listening to others talk about extremely personal topics. I’m honestly failing to understand what the rationale or benefit of asking everyone to sit and share their past trauma would be, even in a supportive session facilitated by someone with actual training. I would be raising the question around who leading the session was qualified to manage any risk or re-traumatisation as a result of the session, who was qualified to respond appropriately to disclosures, what safeguarding conversations and management plans had been put in place before hand (for instance- what if current abuse had been disclosed, or if someone had disclosed historical DV /perpetrator abuse where the person was still able to access victims). How was consent given and how did they ensure people weren’t consenting out of fear of retribution / reaction from other colleagues. why weren’t people given an option to leave if they did not want to participate.

These are very serious points that I really think need to be addressed within your organisation. If it were my place of work people would be sacked and reported to their governing body for this.

We had something similar sounding in my previous job except it was run by a touring drama group who acted out scenarios that there provided to them by HR. Only trouble was that it was only a couple of months after the team I was working for fell to pieces due to the behaviour of the team leader, and HR based the whole session off grievances that were put in against them, meaning I to sit and watch things that had happened to me again practically word for word.

I was then classed as the unreasonable one for leaving the room and refusing to go back in. Apparently these sessions are therapeutic🙄but they just leave you feeling even more vulnerable and the stress from knowing that what you said will cause others to judge and cast doubt, or even use it as ammunition!

Happy to say I don't work there anymore, but honestly OP I would complain to whoever would listen. It's not normal for anyone to go through that, especially for you to essentially force everyone to attend!

You will get SSP.

Are you in a union?

They may use these vulnerabilities against people if they ever wanted to push people out. What reason did they give for this improving performance?

That is a massive safeguarding breach - they have a responsibility to ensure staff don’t come to harm. That type of session needs to be explained, to be consented to and a psychological safety plan in place and communicated to participants.

This. All of it. In buckets. It all sounds like a lost episode of "The Office".

Maybe it's easy for us to say as we weren't there, but then again that changes nothing - there is no way I would share anything like this, nor would I ever tell anyone their worst traits.

Back in 2014 when I studied for my Award in Education & Training, we learnt that in any event for adults (I can't comment on children as the course was aimed at teaching adults to train adults), everyone has to have the right not to participate, and should never be challenged for not doing so.

I don't have to do it now, but for several years I ran get-togethers for other self-employed people within the same sector, and every event started with an ice-breaker, and every ice-breaker came with the cavet that no one had to do it.

Mostly, people took part. One time I had three people sitting it out, although they still supported the others, and shared the fun. That particular exercise involved choosing a picture from the very many I'd stuck on the wall (pictures were random and ranged from a photo of ABBA to two old ladies chatting on the doorstep) and coming up with a witty caption that related to our industry, to share with the room.

Of all the icebreakers I've ever heard of, this is up there with the blandest of the bland, but still I met people who didn't want to do it. And that was their right.