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Original poster

Is it easier not to work with school kids? Anyone have experience of this?

67 replies

generallyokay · 08/04/2024 16:18

So when both of my DC are at school, I can't help but think it would be easier for everyone if I didn't work.

I know everyone says about taking a break in your career and how damanging that can be, also in terms of divorce statistics, pension contributions etc, but if you were certain your marriage was strong, your DH had a decent salary and you wanted to give up work (despite having a fairly well paid job), what is the reality of it? How did it make you feel? Did it have its ups and downs? What is the best option...!?

OP posts:
Original poster
generallyokay · 08/04/2024 16:24

Hopeful bump x

OP posts:
spriots · 08/04/2024 16:26

Is it something you want to do or just something you think would make everyone else happy?

I thought your OP was a bit ambiguous on this.

Personally, it would make me feel like a drudge but I love my career and am not a big hobby person.

Shinyandnew1 · 08/04/2024 16:31

Are you asking if it’s easier to have school-aged kids and not have to go out to paid work, than having school-aged kids and having to go to work?

Well yes. You’re trying to squeeze fewer ‘things’ into the same amount of time.

BigPretty · 08/04/2024 16:31

I would absolutely love to be a sahm. Mine are 6 and 9 now and I'd gladly do it till they left school if I had the choice!

But, we'd be worse off financially for sure. We could probably do it, but life would stink. I'd never be able to buy anything and we'd live off lentils and never have the heat on.

If your dh makes enough money for you to live comfortably and you're all happy with you staying home, then I think you should do it. But if you love your job or just the extra income it brings then don't.

BigPretty · 08/04/2024 16:41

I now work school hours only, so do all school drop off and pick ups (unless dh happens to be between meetings and wants to do it). I also get all school holidays with dcs.

For us this is by far the simplest arrangement and I still have a steady (if small) income. If we had grandparents around who wanted to look after dcs in holidays or after school etc, I might work more. If we had tonnes of cash, I might not (ok definitely wouldn't) work

WarningOfGails · 08/04/2024 16:44

Why exactly are you thinking it will be easier?

I work school hours, and use annual leave/unpaid leave/flexible working in the holidays. I think I could do with a day a week off work to keep the house sorted/shopping done etc but that’s all. But my employer is very flexible so I can always have time off for kids appointments etc.

turkeymuffin · 08/04/2024 16:46

Shinyandnew1 · 08/04/2024 16:31

Are you asking if it’s easier to have school-aged kids and not have to go out to paid work, than having school-aged kids and having to go to work?

Well yes. You’re trying to squeeze fewer ‘things’ into the same amount of time.

This. Of course it's objectively easier.

Whether it suits your personality, marriage, sense of purpose, finances, long term security or anything else is a different question and only you can answer.

Lalupalina · 08/04/2024 16:48

Are you asking if it’s easier to have school-aged kids and not have to go out to paid work, than having school-aged kids and having to go to work?

Op, obviously it is easier if so not have to work! So if your household income is large enough then yes, it's easier if you don't have to work for an outside employer.

While the children are at school you have time to look after yourself (exercise etc) to go food shopping, to go to any appointments you may have, to manage the household and garden if you have one, meet up with friends, pursue hobbies etc etc.

museumum · 08/04/2024 16:49

Jobs are all different. Mine is very flexible and only around 30-35 hrs a week. I personally would hate to not have it. I’d hate it if my whole life was enabling the rest of the family to live theirs. All dcs are different too. Mine has no SEN and is quite socially confident and was happy to go to after school club.

DreadPirateRobots · 08/04/2024 16:49

It seems nuts to me if you've hung in there through the preschool years, unless you have significant health needs or your child has SEN, but I like my work and would be nuts at home.

Isthisit2 · 08/04/2024 16:50

I definitely think it’s harder to work when kids are older rather than younger. There’s way more options for childcare when kids are small particularly when you have to manage multiple dcs, activities after school etc.
I work term time and I know I’m lucky but it’s exhausting also as no break etc. We have no family support and 3 dcs so we have to juggle everything and thankfully can wfh also which really is a life saver for us. I do think it’s more stressful working as kids get older but we are coming from a place of v limited childcare and absolutely zero family support so people who have help will obviously have it much easier .
I think you’d have to look at your type of career ;can you get back into it when your kids are older . I’d also say you never know how you’ll feel as you get older too , I’m v late 30’s and I’ve definitely noticed my energy is dipping a bit (in fit and exercise) and I’m actually less motivated re work then I was in my 20’s abs 30’s and I do like my job . When I hear parents say they’ll get back into work when they are older I do wonder …
I just think it might be hard to do that and especially once you get used to having time when they are in school. I know some sahm and they were delighted their kids were back after the break as they obviously get some time whereas I find it hard as have to juggle school, pick ups and work , not to mention housework. When I was off during the holidays I couldn’t believe how much I could get done at home and that’s with my kids off! It’s a lot balancing work , a few kids in school and house and I have a dh who definitely pulls his weight.
So obviously I don’t have any answers 😂 but would consider could you get back into your career again and would you want to?

PlasticOno · 08/04/2024 16:52

I tend to think primarily whether my job suits me, rather than whether it makes everything easier for everyone else. I’ve never been a SAHP, apart from on maternity leave, but in my experience, it suits very few people.

Isthisit2 · 08/04/2024 16:53

@DreadPirateRobots I really like my job but I could easily occupy myself; running , hiking , reading , painting , renovating etc etc …time is such a luxury. It’s actually a commodity to me . As I get older I value it more and more tbh

DreadPirateRobots · 08/04/2024 16:53

I definitely think it’s harder to work when kids are older rather than younger.

Fwiw that's the opposite of my experience. I went back FT when my youngest started school and I think it's way easier than when I was PT and they were smaller. Childcare costs have plummeted, kids are much more self-reliant and require much less active monitoring. Plus they almost never wake me at night any more. But I'm in London where there is plenty of wraparound and holiday options.

Lalalalalabambaa · 08/04/2024 16:54

I've had 4 years off to have my 2 children (the youngest had some serious health issues). I'm desperate to get back into work now. I had a well paying job before kids and I can't even get a weekend retail job now. It's rejection after rejection.
I always walked into any job before kids so this has come as a huge shock to me.

Oblomov24 · 08/04/2024 16:55

Easy answer is no.
What job do you do? If you could do it at home, or self employed, like accounts or HR advice, then why would you?

DreadPirateRobots · 08/04/2024 16:56

Isthisit2 · 08/04/2024 16:53

@DreadPirateRobots I really like my job but I could easily occupy myself; running , hiking , reading , painting , renovating etc etc …time is such a luxury. It’s actually a commodity to me . As I get older I value it more and more tbh

You do you, I'm not out to make anybody else go one way or the other. But I held on in the preschool years and I'm reaping the benefits of having done so now they're over. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me to quit work just when your kids are out of the house most of the time anyway, unless you win the lottery or something.

Favouritefruits · 08/04/2024 16:58

I get bored, it was fine for the first three months but after hoovering and cleaning for the last 10years it feels like Groundhog Day!

WhiteLeopard · 08/04/2024 17:01

I was a SAHM when my DC were little and went back to work when the youngest started school. We're all different, but I have to say it's worked out well for me. I'm happier and more fulfilled than I was as a SAHM, my marriage is more balanced, and I worked part time until my DC were at secondary school so I still had a good work life balance and did some drop offs and pick ups. Would part time be an option for you?

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 08/04/2024 17:03

I know you say your marriage is string and I'm sure it is. You know better than me or anyone on here but.....

I have seen quite a few friends who were once in strong marriages whose marriages then weren't so strong.

I know it sounds like I am being doom and gloom here but I would always go with keeping your independence. Not just for financial reasons but for others too.

Part time and one that gives you the best of both worlds would be an idea - through depending on your sector I know it's not always easy

Lalupalina · 08/04/2024 17:03

I’m actually less motivated re work then I was in my 20’s abs 30’s and I do like my job . When I hear parents say they’ll get back into work when they are older I do wonder …

I think many parents' priorities change once they have children, with less motivation for their careers and more focus on their children and family and their own health and wellbeing.

I was certainly very career driven in my 20s and early 30s but since having children my priorities have changed and I value time with my family much more than I used to. I am happy to sacrifice some earnings for that

SkaneTos · 08/04/2024 17:03

Maybe your husband wants to be a stay-at-home parent?
Would your family be fine on only your salary?

Lalupalina · 08/04/2024 17:04

Favouritefruits · 08/04/2024 16:58

I get bored, it was fine for the first three months but after hoovering and cleaning for the last 10years it feels like Groundhog Day!

If hoovering and cleaning was all you did, then I get why you'd be bored Grin

Isthisit2 · 08/04/2024 17:06

@DreadPirateRobots childcare is v scarce where I am (not in uk) and no afterschool, v few childminders. I worked v part-time when my dcs were small as I didn’t want them in crèches etc. Absolutely personal choice. I have a good job , directly linked to my post grad and v interesting etc but I would also be v happy not working ever again! That’s not possible at the moment . I find it way way harder due to activities being on after school like swimming , football , horse-riding etc and my dcs want to go to them , it isn’t us pushing them , they are really into these activities .
I’ve to make up some hours in the evenings . Maybe it depends on ages here but mine are 8, 10 and one is a teen and so want to do stuff like play matches with their team (which could be an hours away and start at 6pm etc ) , I also think teens need more time in some ways and benefit from more parental imput, that’s just my experience though.

RedCoffeeCup · 08/04/2024 17:18

I’m actually less motivated re work then I was in my 20’s abs 30’s and I do like my job - @Isthisit2 I found that my work motivation returned in my 40s when my DCs were a bit older - you may find the same!

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