Is it easier not to work with school kids? Anyone have experience of this?

[generallyokay]

So when both of my DC are at school, I can't help but think it would be easier for everyone if I didn't work.

I know everyone says about taking a break in your career and how damanging that can be, also in terms of divorce statistics, pension contributions etc, but if you were certain your marriage was strong, your DH had a decent salary and you wanted to give up work (despite having a fairly well paid job), what is the reality of it? How did it make you feel? Did it have its ups and downs? What is the best option...!?

I'd be really interested to know how many women regret to stay home after the hazy baby days have passed. I daydream about going part time because I'd love to have some time to tackle life admin that wasn't while multi-tasking at work. I'd also like not to spend 50% of my weekend scrubbing bathrooms BUT working full times does mean a couple of really nice holidays a year and Birthday parties for DD.

I work in accounts. I'm not an accountant though more of a bookkeeper, so I'm not in minimum wage but I'm also not a high earner at all. Having read everyone's replies (thank you by the way) I think I now feel certain that I really do need to keep my foot in the door, not just for my mental health and the independence side of things but just to earn a bit more money for the household and have the potential to step up again when they're older.
I guess I'm also worrying about my olderst starting school sept and how she'll get on at after school club.

The only issue with all this is, my job presents challenges because it's part-time. I feel that I am not respected and people more junior than me seem to think they are senior because they're full time (despite me being on a higher salary). I also don't particularly love my work, i don't hate it but I wouldn't say I really enjoy it.
I agree with a PP about losing motivation, I have totally lost mine, maybe it is because the children are small and I'm seeing work as payment only right now.

It's difficult because it's like there's no answer, if you do one thing you sacrifice another... I guess I have realised that I do need to keep working part-time, but due to lack of family help, I'll need to try and negotiate some unpaid leave, if my employer would be prepared to do it!

There are lots of valid PPs giving v sound advice about all sort of things but ultimately I think it boils down to personality and financial feasibility.

If you can afford it + you want to - then you don’t need to justify your choice to anyone else.

I have two degrees, I’m very capable. I genuinely dont think I’ll return to paid employment because there is no one who could run our lives as efficiently + effectively as I do.

I love being able to go to all the children’s school events, to be a class rep, to volunteer on the school trips etc. I manage our diaries, wardrobes, holidays + much of our life / financial admin. It’s also a huge benefit to be able to be with my children on sick days without worrying about time off work.

I try to take at least 90 mins a day to nap / draw / read or intentionally not work. Then if my husband needs some time out after work (instead of immediately rolling up his sleeves to cook / do house jobs) or a lie in at the weekend I don’t feel resentful - we’re both better rested. We both win from this set up.

we are materially fortunate enough to have help with housekeeping + gardening - so I don’t feel like my life is an endless cycle of laundry + hoovering (although there is always laundry to do)

some people think I’m anti feminist (I am absolutely not - delighted for any woman to make what ever choice she chooses for her life) or boring or ‘kept’ - but I am happy, my husband is happy, my children are happy. All is well…

I think part time for me would be ideal, with a cleaner so I didn’t spend all my time off cleaning and could have a bit of a break plus do admin etc!

I think for me the first baby year was like the honeymoon period, (hard as it was) so much to learn and exciting new milestones and work was a distant memory plus lots of effort was thrown into making new mum friends / NCT etc and doing classes. Then after a year lots of friends went back to work and they just weren’t available anymore, and the hard toddler years kicked in with another pregnancy / newborn / Covid / house move and life went from 1 baby and lots of friends and a proper schedule to just being hard and a huge juggle. Loneliness crept in, meet ups were rare as so hard dealing with multiple naps and feeds etc plus preschool pick ups. It just all snowballed fast into the early infant and preschool years combo and the baby years feel like a distant past!

If I stayed being a SAHM I think this would be my ideal scenario, we can’t afford the cleaner / gardener (or holidays!), and I still have a preschooler on low hours so not much time, so it all feels a bit of a slog as that’s what I spend my spare time doing

I was (am) a solicitor. I have 2 Dcs the oldest has a number of health issues and SEN. DH is retired but has ill health. I found it pretty much impossible to do my demanding job and sort out all the medical appointments and keep myself on some sort of emotional even keel. After being literally suicidal trying to keep all the balls in the air I gave up work- first of all for a year and then when things got drastically better now for an indefinite period.

I love it. I don't have to deal with work when I have to take DS to his hospital appointments. I can do all the school runs (40 minutes each way twice a day). I can go to appointments at the school. I can o to sports day and all daytime events. I have enough energy to cook proper meals every day. I am present for the Dcs wheras before I was killing myself trying to deal with everything. DH has frequent hospital visits and I don't have to negotiate time off from work (I had an arsehole boss) and get stressed about it.

After a couple of years I am now doing some part time work via a temp agency- just to avoid a cv that is too gappy. I worked 10 days last month, will work 3 days in May and about 15-20 days in June for example. The June work is actually at DS1s school so can be fitted around the school run and if he has a health crisis I am already there.

In terms of pensions well I am topping up privately. I can't do much for now, but it's something. We are fortunate enough that we rented out my flat when we got married and I moved into DH's house and so I can divert some funds for my pension.

day to day we do need to pay attention and adhere to a budget. We had an unexpected household expense of 2K in January and that has been a total headache. So financially I know i will have to go back to work. But right now we are managing.

I think that’s the hard part - unless you are someone who is naturally very organised + actively enjoys cleaning - or are able to outsource some of the domestic labour - then it’s not necessarily a positive trade off for women and can feel like a bit of a regression.

I am not sure that any amount of social progress is going to solve the agonising zigzagging women have to do between self fulfilment / 21st century professional opportunity / child bearing…

Do you not feel like you ought to be cooking and cleaning and doing diy if you’re not working? I hate housekeeping but if I wasn’t working I’d feel guilty if I wasn’t on top of it all. (Even though I would hate to be doing it all).

This is exactly my problem. Sounds crazy but the few hours I do have to myself in a week I’m starting to dread as I know I’ve got a huge list of chores that should / could be done and I don’t feel right sitting around if my partner is upstairs working. He would never say this to me and he wants me to have a break but I can’t ever switch off from it being my job as I’m home / not working.

Do you not feel like you ought to be cooking and cleaning and doing diy if you’re not working? I hate housekeeping but if I wasn’t working I’d feel guilty if I wasn’t on top of it all.

If you're organised and plan ahead then cleaning and cooking do not take much time at all - plan meals ahead, batch cook, use your freezer etc all help reduce the time cooking. In terms of cleaning, an hour a day is more than enough in my experience - you can multitask and listen to a good audiobook at the same time.

So that leaves plenty of time for running , hiking, reading, meeting friends, painting , renovating etc etc

I did it for a few years. My husband earns well and is generous, so no worries on that score. It was easier for everyone including me, but you do end up being used as everyone’s convenient unemployed person able to mop up the slack.

I retrained at the end and am now working again so no problem reentering the workplace (self employed which helped) but purposely chose something flexible because of the school hours and holidays. Still feels during the holidays I’m not doing a good job whatever I’m doing!

Finding work that fits with school is the biggest problem people face. It’s a nightmare. So yes not being in work certainly feels easier as you’re not juggling.

@museumum but I do all that and work !! So I’d have way more time . Cleaning doesn’t take 8 hours a day. Lots of time to keep a house and have plenty of time for hobbies.

Fair enough @Isthisit2 😂
I guess I’d feel differently if dh didn’t share the load here. I don’t feel any more responsible than him at present because we both work. I’d hate it to all be my responsibility.

It can actually be easier to manage if only one person is in charge of the household - by planning ahead and being organised, it can be done quite efficiently, leaving lots of time for yourself, your children, cooking and your hobbies. The other partner doesn't have to worry about it and can focus entirely on their career. It can be a win win situation for both!

You mean financially? Depends on your relationship. I’m working as is he but overall both our lives would be easier if one of us didn’t . If I didn’t work then it would free him up more at the weekend to do what he wanted or vis a versa . He doesn’t care either way but I’m very conscious of keeping up working and I guess it is a career job so it is interesting. My main point is that I’d have no problem filling my time if I wasn’t working , happily. Like I said life is short and honestly to me there’s a lot more to life than working. But at moment with the col got to keep at it really 😂

@pinkmags 100 percent

Have you examined how much flexibility the full timers get? If they get a benefit like 2 days wfh - then you could just switch to full time and negotiate something that lets you wfh from 3:30-5 everyday. I personally think p/t is a con - you’re nearly always expected to do the same work as if you’re f/t but over a shorter period.