Is it easier not to work with school kids? Anyone have experience of this?

[generallyokay]

So when both of my DC are at school, I can't help but think it would be easier for everyone if I didn't work.

I know everyone says about taking a break in your career and how damanging that can be, also in terms of divorce statistics, pension contributions etc, but if you were certain your marriage was strong, your DH had a decent salary and you wanted to give up work (despite having a fairly well paid job), what is the reality of it? How did it make you feel? Did it have its ups and downs? What is the best option...!?

@Lalupalina I find this too. I actually have an interesting job now but I just don’t have the same drive or motivation (I think it could be age also as had my dcs in my late 20’s/v early 30’s) . My energy has tipped a bit in my late 30’s and your point re health is so important. At this stage getting exercise and looking after our health is so important and the more I work the less I do that. Both me and my dh are looking at ways to work less in the future, life is too short .

I was a sahm for 10 years and had 3 kids in that time, I returned to work when my youngest was 7.

I loved being a sahm, and not missing out on school events or juggling childcare. It did damage my career, whilst I have picked it up again and am now in a comparable position as I was when I left, had I not left I may have progressed further..

But I wouldn't change my choice, not for one iota. It was the right decision for our family..

I agree with keeping up your independence. I think it’s important to have financial independence as much as you can. Also reality is life is so expensive now. On the other hand though if I was rich I’d easily and happily have loads I could do 😂
@RedCoffeeCup that’s interesting and hopeful , I have to say although my job is interesting and worthwhile I just don’t have that drive anymore at all but maybe as my kids get older ( only one teen so far an two in primary)…

I think this is all very personal preference - I agree with you that making time for health is important. I find having a day off a week really useful but if I gave up work entirely, I wouldn't prioritise healthy eating and exercise, I would get a bit depressed and boredom eat. But that's just me, some people are better at finding productive ways to occupy themselves at home

It is easier to not have to juggle after school clubs. It would be even easier to not neither parent work so the kids can be driven to different after school activities. We have one day where both DH and I have to juggle our diaries because both DC have music on at different places. I’m not the only one as I know multiple parents have to do sports or music at different places for different kids. Or they have to choose between prioritising their DC. Are you both going to give up work?

Holidays are never a problem because there are plenty of holiday clubs. It’s the after school clubs that are tough.

School pick up is easy too with childminders and after school clubs.

I agree with you that making time for health is important. I find having a day off a week really useful but if I gave up work entirely, I wouldn't prioritise healthy eating and exercise, I would get a bit depressed and boredom eat.

It will depend on what hobbies and interests you have!

I thought I would like not working. After the initial holiday/novelty period I hated it. I went back to work. Part time work is the sweet spot.

Sometimes that can work very well - division of labour means that both partners benefit when one focuses on their career and the other takes over all the household and childcare responsibilities.

Absolutely.

As I said earlier on this thread, I am not a hobby person. If you are, I am sure it makes not working more fun.

I stopped working to be a sahm.
I really regret it and if I could go back I would have kept me career going. What I should have done is force my husband to pull his weight and worked.

I think it's a valid decision, if it's what you really want, and it will be OK financially.

Those are two things that you need to deeply think about and reflect on and make sure you are being honest with yourself.

If so then go for it. Lots of people don't work because they don't want or need to.

Of course it's easier, for everyone, if it's done right. That's 20-40 hours of paid employment that is taken out of the equation, leaving more time for everything else not just for you, but hopefully for everyone else (if I was a SAHM for example, DH would not have to do much in the way of housework or chores, so he would be benefiting from my freed up time just like I am).

The question is whether it's practical and responsible. If you are financially comfortable, and are certain that your financial future is protected (eg by paying into a pension in your name, joint savings and assets you have access to etc) then sure, go ahead if that's your preference.

@Lalupalina
Thank you, yes.
According to the original post, OP has a fairly well paid job, so it might work for their family that OP's husband is the stay-at-home parent.
But that is for them to decide, of course.

My father was a stay-at-home parent for some years during my childhood, and it was great.

This for me too. Starting to look for jobs after 6 years and it’s a terrifying and depressing prospect. I’ve also just had a really stressful and unenjoyable couple of weeks off with the children who treat me like a skivvy as they have always had me at home and don’t know any different and think I’m here to serve.

yes, it may be ‘easier’ technically to not work but it depends if you are happy to take on most of the drudge work / life admin / faff that comes with running a home and looking after a family and happy to live with the expectation that this is now ‘your job’ as your partner will be working. I made my decision in the baby days and I’ve seen it through and need to live with the consequences to my career and mental health but I also agree with others who wouldn’t really recommend!

According to the original post, OP has a fairly well paid job, so it might work for their family that OP's husband is the stay-at-home parent.

And her husband has a 'decent' salary - so whoever has more earnings potential should continue to work (if that works for both partners)

Both working part time is usually the most lucrative if employers allow - it's a lot more tax efficient for most and also gives two pensions

I’ve also just had a really stressful and unenjoyable couple of weeks off with the children who treat me like a skivvy as they have always had me at home and don’t know any different and think I’m here to serve.

Sorry but that's bad parenting - no child should expect their parents 'to be here to serve' regardless of what parents do for a living!

Also, just to add if your OH works from home a lot on calls it’s really stressful keeping young children away from their study / making lots of noise when home for the holidays!

You asked how it’s made us feel not working. Honestly, a bit empty. Like I just don’t matter anymore and feel inferior to my partner as I have no monetary value or career prospects

Both working part time is usually the most lucrative if employers allow - it's a lot more tax efficient for most and also gives two pensions

You get pension credits for the years looking after your children so you'll still get two pensions in f not working.

It will also depend on the earnings potential of either partner and how much their career might benefit from such a division of labour.

I meant employer pension, not state pension

And of course, these are very personal decisions

What would you do all day long? I think even a strong marriage would suffer in such unequal circumstances

Ouch!

I took a career break when dc1&2 were 4&2. Our marriage was incredibly strong so it was never a thought I’d need to protect my employability. As it happens I got a part time job a few eves a week in hospitality after 12 months, just so I had my ‘own’ money for personal spending and bit of adult time. I continued to do everything at home, as well as all child related stuff. Had dc3 during that time.

When dc3 started school full time I was offered a f/t management position at work, includes evening and weekends so meant we still didn’t need paid after school childcare. But DH still expected me to continue doing everything around the house. Turns out our marriage isn’t as strong as I thought. I’m on a decent wage for a job in hospitality , but nowhere near what I’d be on if I’d stayed in my previous career. So much resentment has built up towards DH and I can’t see a way out of the marriage on my current salary / shift pattern.
So no, I wouldn’t recommend it now, although I wouldn’t swap the years I had with the dcs either.

I would have preferred to be a sahm and life would have been far easier in the primary years especially. However I ended up a single parent so lost that option, I've had to work.

I think keeping on top of house, children's needs, my own needs, hobbies, day to day stuff would have been so much easier and I'd have been less stressed and calmer. The only pause for thought would be if you have friends and companions to see otherwise it could be isolating. In regards to work it only makes a difference if you love what you do or have a planned career path. If you are married then you have protection if things fall apart. Obviously it's only going to work if the household expenditure can be met by one wage.