Would you work if you didn’t have to?

[Whatsnext25]

Firstly, I know I’m incredibly lucky to be in this position, particularly in the current climate. But would like others’ opinions on what they’d do in my set up.

DH has made some very clever decisions in his career and also had a healthy dose of luck that means that we’re in a really comfortable financial position. He’s currently on his second business venture and is on a really good wage. He works very flexibly on something he loves and is really good at.

I’m in SLT at a state school, working 4 days a week and bring home about half of what DH does. I do enjoy lots of elements of the job but it is stressful. Lots of long days, dealing with complaints, getting the odd kicking from a child etc! I am proud of my career, I was the first in my family to go to university and I’ve worked hard to get where I am.

We have a 2yo DD and I’m pregnant with our second. I’m exhausted, nauseous and irritable. DH doesn’t really understand why I stay at my job and I’m increasingly wondering the same. On 6 occasions over the last 3 weeks I’ve been at work until 8pm or later so haven’t seen DD all day. Her nursery don’t know who I am because I’ve only managed to get out in time for pick up twice this academic year (DH does the nursery run). I worry about managing with 2 small children. We have no family close by so it’s just us.

I’m not worried about DH leaving me high and dry. We’ve been together 12 years now (married for 6) and are still really happy. But also because he’s always split any profits / dividends / savings into our own separate ISAs and continues to do so. If things did turn sour one day I’d be absolutely fine.

I don’t have to work. I’m not sure I want to keep working. But I can’t imagine not working! This is so far away from the way I grew up and I have no models for this kind of decision. As I say, I know we’re incredibly fortunate. So WWYD?

Having invested time and energy in my human capital, no I wouldn't give up work entirely. Work is about so much more than a wage when it's going well. It's gives a sense of achievement and social connection. When my work goes well, it is a pleasure - that feeling of 'flow'. I work three days and that's plenty to give me the advantages. Good luck in whatever you decide.

In your situation I would be inclined to either work for myself or else retrain in something that allows me to work for myself. That way I could work when it suits my family and keeps my brain ticking over and means II wouldn’t have gaps if I want to return to full time paid employment in future.

I just wouldn’t do those long hours. It’s very difficult to work in an environment where it’s expected that you give everything to the job and do the long hours when you have children at home.

Raising children is hard work and you do need mental and physical energy for them when you finish work every day.

I’m your position, no. I would take a career break while the kids are young. I would not put a 2 year old in nursery unless we desperately needed my income.

I went down to 2 days for 16 years from when I had my first. I was lucky enough to have family to provide childcare. I’d have stopped work altogether otherwise as we didn’t rely on my salary.

I could have written this about myself. I just cannot decide what to do, I’m on maternity leave with first and only baby and really do not want to go back to my deputy head position. I found it highly stressful and hadn’t enjoyed it for about 2 years before maternity leave.

we aren’t loaded but we’d be absolutely fine on husbands salary alone.

I think I’m going to quit. There will be time to rejoin and rebuild up if desired. The state of teaching, including leadership recruitment, at the moment we would not struggle to quickly get back in to leadership positions if the break ended up being quite short.

Just to clarify a few things:
SLT = senior leadership. I’m a deputy head and my main role is overseeing SEN provision and inclusion. I’m not quite full time. I work 4 days at the moment. Not much scope to scale down in my current role. I like my school, love the kids, get on well with the head and the people I work with. But the job itself is HARD and getting harder.

We’re both 36

I do appreciate that we don’t know what the future holds. But if any of those big life changing events happened (e.g DH hit by a bus, or ran off with someone else) then life would be unrecognisable anyway. I’d have enough money in my name to tide me over for a while whilst I reassessed / downsized / moved closer to my mum or my sister etc. We’d have to rebuild life from there. I lost my Dad when he was 50 after a short completely unexpected illness so I know these things can happen and how devastating they can be. My mum had many fewer options than I would in similar circumstances.

Sending you massive solidarity! It’s bloody hard work isn’t it. Best of luck to you ❤️

@Whatsnext25 i saw you said you were considering retraining. I’ve been looking in to Psychology conversion MA which takes 1 year and then starting Ed Psych course.

It would be 4 years of study in total (with final 2 years in a training capacity) but the first two years are around 1.5 days in uni a week and then assignments at home. I’m considering this for in a years time.

There is a huge shortage of Ed Psychs so I think this is a sensible sideways move in terms of employability. Just an idea!

My friend gave up work for around 15 years to raise her 2 children. She had met her DH at University and had her children aged 30 and 32. I didn’t even date my DH will I was 31 and I used to think how much I wish I had met him when younger. A couple of years ago after almost 30 years of marriage it came out he had been having an affair and they broke up. He is now happily ensconced with his harpy in another household, yes I judge her not as much as him but I still do.

If you do this make sure that you have a pension being paid in to. It won’t be as good as the pension you would get as a teacher probably but do that.

This couple were a model couple, she had zero idea, absolutely zero. I will say it shook me to the marrow bone. Very much well if he can then bloody hell any man can. I know you never really know what’s happening between a couple but these are people that are really close friends, our DS godparents, gone on holiday together. I was the first person she was happy to leave her babies with.

What @PiggieWig wrote is what needs to happen if you do it. Also as your career is teaching you can always get back in to it.

Yes, but possibly less. I like the purpose and the intellectual challenge. Volunteering is all a bit slow compared to a highly skilled professional job.

I would definitely give up work if I could.

There are so many more interesting things to do in life!

But apparently as women we're supposed to feel guilty if we don't work.

If I was independently wealthy and in your position then I would absolutely give up work. I love being a mum and being able to fully focus on two young children would be my idea of heaven, I really, really enjoyed the younger years although of course many women do not. Once they were school aged I would volunteer.

My dad can't work and hasn't done for about 20 years due to ill health and my mum supports him whilst he looks after the home, on his good days he goes to the gym, litter picks the local beach and woodland, sits with homeless people and takes them lunch - he can't commit to a specific volunteer role due to his own MH and physical health needs but what he does makes a difference.

He is keen. But I think that’s because he sees me struggling at the moment.

You are right that it would be easy to fall into stereotypes that I would also find incredibly depressing! I’ve always been hugely independent which is part of why I’m struggling with this decision.

This has been so helpful. I do think a career break whilst I look at what other options are out there is a good idea. Finding some less intense, more part-time work whilst the children are small would be the perfect compromise. Will definitely look at the alternative careers others have suggested

I would give up work if my husband earned my wage after tax plus his wage.

However, we pool both of our money and share everything equally and my DH already pays in to a private pension for me.

It's sadly unlikely to happen because I would love to give up work.

In your position I would absolutely give up working for a few years. Teaching jobs will still be there when you want to go back if that's still what you want to do.

DP earns enough to support us but the rest of our situation is very different. DS19 obviously wouldn’t benefit from me being home. I love my job, I’m good at it and it doesn’t interfere with normal life. So, no. I wouldn’t want to give up having my own financial independence to stay at home. Having said that, it sounds like every member of your family would very much see an improvement in their lives if you became a SAHM

I wouldn’t do a job that stresses me out if I didn’t need the money. I mean could you leave them if you miss working there’ll be something out there for you ? Supply teachi mg, regular teaching? Or something completely different.

I went from stressful 40ish k job to min wage support work when my children were younger and it was my favourite job 😄

personally I need to work just I need a change of scenery (but my children are older in school etc) but I’d go back to something like that minimum wage job in a heart beat if I could afford it.

Take mat leave and reflect. Maybe start leave a bit early. Lots of women go part time as a Compton

Compromise. Some love staying at home and running a house etc and endless kids stuff. Others hate it.

I definitely wouldn't work in your situation especially, and would focus on your own and your family's wellbeing by taking it easy and being present for your children.

You won’t get this time back with your dcs.

Ive been a SAHM for years but I never had a career as such - just rather mundane jobs so it was a no brainer for me. I’ve loved bringing up my dcs and would’ve felt too guilty putting them in nursery all day.

Why not just do it for a year or two and see how you feel?

It flies by so quickly - they’ll be in school before you know it.