Would you work if you didn’t have to?

[Whatsnext25]

Firstly, I know I’m incredibly lucky to be in this position, particularly in the current climate. But would like others’ opinions on what they’d do in my set up.

DH has made some very clever decisions in his career and also had a healthy dose of luck that means that we’re in a really comfortable financial position. He’s currently on his second business venture and is on a really good wage. He works very flexibly on something he loves and is really good at.

I’m in SLT at a state school, working 4 days a week and bring home about half of what DH does. I do enjoy lots of elements of the job but it is stressful. Lots of long days, dealing with complaints, getting the odd kicking from a child etc! I am proud of my career, I was the first in my family to go to university and I’ve worked hard to get where I am.

We have a 2yo DD and I’m pregnant with our second. I’m exhausted, nauseous and irritable. DH doesn’t really understand why I stay at my job and I’m increasingly wondering the same. On 6 occasions over the last 3 weeks I’ve been at work until 8pm or later so haven’t seen DD all day. Her nursery don’t know who I am because I’ve only managed to get out in time for pick up twice this academic year (DH does the nursery run). I worry about managing with 2 small children. We have no family close by so it’s just us.

I’m not worried about DH leaving me high and dry. We’ve been together 12 years now (married for 6) and are still really happy. But also because he’s always split any profits / dividends / savings into our own separate ISAs and continues to do so. If things did turn sour one day I’d be absolutely fine.

I don’t have to work. I’m not sure I want to keep working. But I can’t imagine not working! This is so far away from the way I grew up and I have no models for this kind of decision. As I say, I know we’re incredibly fortunate. So WWYD?

If you can afford to I would give up work providing-

I was confident dh wouldn't resent me

I had equal access to all money

My pension was equal to dh

I did give up work for three years. Slightly different situation as it was due to my child's health needs. He's now at school and I work 2 days a week. The other days I go to the gym, do housework, see friends/parents, walk the dog. I'm never bored or wondering what to do. If anything I feel like I could do with more time!

When I did go back to work I chose something I love rather than my previous job which was more about money.

Absolutely not. I find it so unimaginative when people say they would be bored without work. I categorically would not be bored and a life free from work anxiety and early starts sounds like the absolute dream

A question to ask yourself I think is what your DH would expect if you did give up work - it sounds like he is encouraging you to and I am often cynical that men do that because they don't want to pick up their share of the domestic load.

Personally - but of course everyone is different - I would find it really depressing being the person doing everything around the house while DH got to do his fun interesting business.

If I were you, the things I would look at would be:

Job sharing in your current role and going down to 2-3 days a week - some schools seem open to it now especially for SLT where you don't have a class

Supply teaching 2-3 days a week for a while

A career change - as you could afford to take a pay cut

In your position I'd definitely give up work for a while. I had a year off after both my dc were born and went back part time (but I was very fortunate to have grandparents close by who were happy to help with childcare)

If I had independent means, absolutely. I wouldn't give up work if I had to rely on someone else's income.

I would do something- I'd write and open a little bookshop. In your place, OP I'd do something freelance from home when DD goes to pre-school then maybe add in some helping at school when she is older for the social side- I used to be on the PTA and helped in the library, really enjoyed this.

I don't have kids, so different priorities. But anecdotally, the bright, educated women I know who have taken too much time out of the working world end up bitter.

Not a chance. I'd volunteer doing something for animals. But I'd not work if I had the choice.

Thinking of having to work for my life over again fills me with such sadness

I work in a field I always wanted to work in and largely enjoy it, but if I didn't have to work for money I wouldn't do it.

I worked part time when DS was small (7m - 2y) and I loved the freedom we had on my days off.

When I was in your position, I switched to working 2 days a week. I really didn't want to not be at work but I also wanted to give my young dc as much time as I could and this worked well for me.
Now cost of living has increased and dcs are older and have expenses, I'm glad I did as my income helps us.

In your position I wouldn't work, as long as you've got your own savings and pension of course.

For me financial independence is the big thing. If you split up, would you be able to provide for yourself. If you've got savings and a house in both names and a pension that's being paid into I might leave work until the dc are well established in secondary school. I would find a way to keep my hand in a job or profession of sorts tho

I would take a career break for a year if I were in your shoes, but I absolutely would not give up work. Like you, I've worked extremely hard to get to where I am and there's no way I would throw that away.

I also wouldn't put that pressure on my DH, especially if self employed. Plus I just couldn't be so reliant on someone, I'm too independent.

If I had a massive lottery win, I would look at reducing my hours - but I would still work.

I would keep working. I enjoy my colleagues and the structure to my week. I like having my work world as well as my private world. And it’s lovely seeing thousands landing every single month in my bank account. We are wealthy (DH earns very well) but the money is only fun to spend and the holidays feel more worth it because of working.

im lucky in that I love my job and have zero stress doing it so I’m not sure if I’d answer the same if that wasn’t the case.

This isn't a forever decision.

Working with two small children is quite hard.

Take a sabbatical/career break and then reassess.

This sounds like the dream! I think I need to look at alternative jobs / careers

Yes, absolutely. I worked hard at school and at uni. I now have a job I love and I'm in a senior position. I love decision making - something you don't get to do when you're a volunteer.
I suppose I could quit my job and we'd be fine financially but I'd be bored in 2 minutes. Plus I don't want to join the legging wearing, gym bunny SAHM brigade (sorry but that's what it's like in my local area).

By 'yes absolutely' - I mean, I would absolutely work.

Not a chance! But if my ability to not work was reliant on a husband I’d make sure there was a solid base for me to quit - own pension scheme at equal level, joint assets assigned accordingly etc.
With all that in place, and feeling secure enough that a divorce was unlikely, I’d hand in my notice in a heartbeat.

I would work but not full time. I also think it's important to spend a lot of time with your children whilst they grow up but I also think it's vitally important that little one spends some time in nursery or an environment with lots of other children so that they don't become social recluses when they're older.

I don’t. Not anymore, looked into it but due to childcare would have been expensive and financially very secure. Both in my own assets and dh’s.

Instead I do things that interest me, hobbies or little side projects that might gain a bit of revenue but not necessarily much.

God no! I’m far happier when I’m at home with DH and DDog. Would love to work with animals if I had to but pay is atrocious and everyone and their uncle round me became dog groomers/walkers in the pandemic so absolutely no gaps in the market.

I don’t think I’d mind working in a bookshop, but I expect the reality is very different from my dreams; again retail is poorly paid and low opportunities.

I’m really conscious of what I’m modelling to DD and that’s definitely a consideration.

But also conscious that as a PP has said, raising young children is definitely work. And hard work. And they would certainly benefit from seeing me more.

I can see what you’re saying but I also know plenty of successful people who have had SAHM. I don’t think it’s that clear cut.

If I was in your position now when the kids are young and on the way I'd probably have a career break, but I can't imagine not working ever again. Perhaps a change of job in a few years that's more flexible.

I like to be independent and that my kids see me working hard.

I'd also think about your future too, pensions etc. if you give up work you'll be totally reliant on your partner and I personally don't like that.

I don't have to work but I do.

I'd be bored silly if I didn't. I have a great career and need to use my brain and interact with adults.

With us both working we have a very comfortable standard of living and are saving enough to be able to retire mortgage free together at about 60 to travel etc.

Even then I expect I will still do volunteering.

I work in supply so I might do the odd day but definitely not full time. I would relish the freedom to do as I pleased. I would probably enjoy the work more knowing that it was completely my choice and my work/home life was better balanced.