Would you work if you didn’t have to?

[Whatsnext25]

Firstly, I know I’m incredibly lucky to be in this position, particularly in the current climate. But would like others’ opinions on what they’d do in my set up.

DH has made some very clever decisions in his career and also had a healthy dose of luck that means that we’re in a really comfortable financial position. He’s currently on his second business venture and is on a really good wage. He works very flexibly on something he loves and is really good at.

I’m in SLT at a state school, working 4 days a week and bring home about half of what DH does. I do enjoy lots of elements of the job but it is stressful. Lots of long days, dealing with complaints, getting the odd kicking from a child etc! I am proud of my career, I was the first in my family to go to university and I’ve worked hard to get where I am.

We have a 2yo DD and I’m pregnant with our second. I’m exhausted, nauseous and irritable. DH doesn’t really understand why I stay at my job and I’m increasingly wondering the same. On 6 occasions over the last 3 weeks I’ve been at work until 8pm or later so haven’t seen DD all day. Her nursery don’t know who I am because I’ve only managed to get out in time for pick up twice this academic year (DH does the nursery run). I worry about managing with 2 small children. We have no family close by so it’s just us.

I’m not worried about DH leaving me high and dry. We’ve been together 12 years now (married for 6) and are still really happy. But also because he’s always split any profits / dividends / savings into our own separate ISAs and continues to do so. If things did turn sour one day I’d be absolutely fine.

I don’t have to work. I’m not sure I want to keep working. But I can’t imagine not working! This is so far away from the way I grew up and I have no models for this kind of decision. As I say, I know we’re incredibly fortunate. So WWYD?

Teaching sounds so damn hard I'm not surprised you're fed up and looking for a break.

If your family can survive comfortably on one income, and you want to stop working and your DH supports that - great! No problem.

But there are a few things to consider. For instance, it would put a lot of pressure on your DH to keep earning and providing for a growing family. What if his business fails? Also, it would put you in a somewhat vulnerable position financially. And how hard would it be to re-enter your profession later after having taken a break?

For me, working and building up my salary and pension is really important. I'm worried about funding retirement!!!

I don't have to work, and I didn't for 10 years - 8 of those I was a SAHM. I went back to work PT as I needed something else in my life! I'm so happy I did. I do think I probably enjoy working more because I don't have to.

Definitely step away for a while or at least go part time for a few years whilst your children are so young. You can afford to and you will never get that time again to spend with them.

No. I’ve worked in many many nurseries (some exceptional some awful) but even in the amazing ones I’ve seen how tired and tearful the children get asking when their parents are coming. They have enough long days ahead stuck somewhere (work) when they are adults so I prefer to give them the chance to be at home with me when little. I understand others have no choice though.

In your shoes I would take a career break.

Having a toddler and baby is hard and you’ll be extra tired.

You can afford it so go for it.

In your shoes I'd give up the job, SLT is very demanding and if you carry on with it you'll miss a lot of time with your children.

I was lucky, I worked part time while my kids were small, then found a new (full time) career when my youngest started primary school.

We're fortunate enough that I don't have to work so I have been a SAHM for the last 6 years. Both DD's are in school now as of last September so I've been considering whether or not to start work again. There are a few jobs that I'd love to do.

If you have made provisions for worst case scenarios and can afford not to, why would you? I thought women fought for the freedom to choose. Choosing to not work and look after your children is nothing to be ashamed of. You can always go back once they are a bit older if you want to.

I stayed home with my children, until they were both at school, and have a career that I started in my 30's, I'm now mid fifties.
I wouldn't have missed those early years for anything, so I would say do it if you are able, it's a very fortunate position to be in. A career break won't hurt and you never get that time back.

Do you enjoy the actual teaching?] Could you take extended maternity leave then go back to part time teaching and drop the SLT role.

No way would I work full time with a baby and toddler. Too much pressure on you and too much nursery for them.

And don't think this will mean you're not using your brain or wasting your potential as that will spoil what could be a lovely time in your life and your DCs.

I would work, yes, but not doing your job. I'm a senior lecturer and don't have to put up with anywhere near as much crap as someone working in leadership in a school.

You might also enjoy your work so I dunno, but the idea to me of working ONLY to protect myself from divorce etc is downright depressing. Like throwing away my happiness now for a 'what if' later

As other posters have said, there are all sorts of options as well as 'stop paid work' and 'carry on as I am'.

If you still love teaching, then maybe a part time teaching role without management responsibilities. If you enjoy the management aspects then maybe look into ways to use those skills in another education setting other than a school. Or look at options in policy roles, educational non-profits etc. You have an incredible range of transferable skills.

When you put aside having to earn a certain amount and can focus on what you enjoy you have the freedom to try out new directions, as well as doing that part time. Maybe pay for some career advice aimed at mid career professionals.

You can find a better work/life balance without having to carry on as you are or give up work entirely.

Perfect answer !

I stopped work after taking a redundancy when the DC were small. I reget stopping so much! I have needed to go back to work. I can now only get minimum wage entry jobs. I'm being trained by a 21 year old who thinks I'm an old, stupid hag & picks my every job apart. (It's made worse because I quietly know she's on thin ice for her performance with the company). It's sh*t & demeaning. We're rural so not many opportunities.

Also, my DH & I've been together over 20 years. Solid, he always said I'm stuck with him etc. I had a bad MH period where sex stopped recently. He checked out & admitted he was googling divorce. Nothing is safe.

I really wish I'd gotten a part time job & kept my hand in, just for my own security.

I don't think I could give up work completely but I have a low stress, flexible wfh job with lots of benefits. I'd scale back before quitting completely, I like having the focus of work to keep me busy and my kids are older and don't need me as much

However in your shoes, I'd take a year or 2 off (sabbatical?) and enjoy the kids whilst they are young.

Having given up a career to be at home with my children when they were young I would say I’m glad that I could spent so much time with them but it was relentless and in hindsight I wish I had worked part time or gone back to work sooner than I did (did some part time work once youngest was at school but only full time once all at secondary).

Due to a combination of inheritance and rental property, we could both really afford to give up work as being mortgage free means our outgoings are actually very small. We both work in professional careers, not only does it give us structure and stimulate our brains, it sets a good example to our children as we are modelling that studying and working hard can lead to enjoyable and fairly well paid word. We also believe that as we’re a partnership we’re both responsible for earning and adding to the family finances, rather than pushing that onto one person.

I come from a generation that being a SAHM was very common. I admire the work ethic that so many have expressed here. Luckily you have a career that you can return to and choose your routine. But can I just point out that being at home with your kids IS working and is a very important and rewarding job .

Hello, I am a SAHM and was previously an OT working in a secure mental health unit. Very similar circumstances to you! I stopped working 2.5 years ago after my second was born. I'll go back when they're a little bit older and both at school. It's been amazing to have so much time when them and it's definitely taken a lot of the stress away. I would say it's lonely sometimes and I have missed working a bit but not to the extent I'd actually go back yet! Not sure on your age but I'm 40, I know I've got at least 20 more years of work ahead of me, I think in our professions there will always be work to go back to as well. Do what feels right for you and your family.

I think the comment about 'modelling' is extremely important. I've always had a strong work ethic, whether that be part time work or full and my daughters have now also got that strong work ethic. My SIL didn't work for a long time and now wonders why her two older kids are happy to just claim benefits. It's basically down to modelling behaviour.

I certainly wouldn't continue in the job you have but keep your foot in the door so to speak. Resign and take up a board role on a governing body after you've had the baby, schools and universities are crying out for non executive directors with education experience who have senior management skills. Sounds like your H is more than capable of keeping you comfortable but you could actually make a decent living out of being a female NED. Recently see ofqual looking for non-execs - paid role, 2 days per month, flexible working, government funded.. I work in this industry and it's really something you should consider.

Always have your own money put aside and keep adding to it.
Without being negative, anything can change in your relationship. Keep working..dont rely on a man.
Youll have a large gap in employment too which isnt great if you need a job in the future.
I thought i was ok ...25 year relationship... he cheated and other things ..i never thought he would. Destroyed me. Luckily i had my own back...i thank my lucky stars i still worked and had a career.

(What exactly does SLT stand for?)
You have invested time and effort in training in your career.

not seeing your 2 year old does not sound healthy, your children need your time.

it is very fortunate that DH is okay financially, but in your shoes I would fine a part time job in your field rather than give up completely.

however part time is not possible, then in your shoes I would resign but during the next 2 or 3 years also study to keep you knowledge up to date (volunteering will be hard with 2 young children)

Do you mean if I won the lottery or similar? Absolutely 100% no I wouldn't. Without hesitation I'd hand my notice in and walk straight out.
I cannot understand these people who win millions and then say they're still going to carry on and work at the biscuit factory (or whatever) until retirement. Don't play the lottery then and leave the rest of us a chance 😂