"Do you work"?

[ShiftLD]

I was a lawyer in my past life before kids and used to work from 8am to 8pm, some days more. Now, because of many circumstances, I'm at the moment taking care of the house and my husband is the one working long hours. That's our arrangement.

Nowadays I work even more hours than before and non-stop. Besides being the housekeeper, kids and hub PA, official buyer of anything needed, I admin a small Etsy store, our Ebay store for used items, manage ours savings...

I feel so humiliated when I don't have an answer to the question "Do you work?". What should I answer?

Exactly.

In your situation I'd say 'I'm a lawyer by trade, but I'm a stay-at-home parent at the moment'. Taking some time out of paid employment to look after young kids and household stuff is a perfectly normal thing to do, and nothing to feel humiliated about. I wouldn't think it was a loaded question unless I knew the person to be a goady twat. They are just asking you are currently in paid employment.

I feel so humiliated when I don't have an answer to the question "Do you work?". What should I answer?

Well that's a bit of an insult to all the SAHMs out there!!

You've spent all your working life being able to answer the question with 'yes, I'm a lawyer', which is an impressive achievement and a big career, so I can understand where you are coming from.

I agree with PP - just say you're taking a career break while the children are small or similar.

I used to say 'I'm not in paid employment, I manage the home and family'.

I'm economically inactive too but I study part time via the OU. Let people think what they want. It is your choice what you choose to do with your life.

Do you work?
I'm a wife, carer and homemaker.
Involves working enough hours. Embarrassed?
What for?
The best answer is, depending on who is asking,
"It's none of your business, dear".
🙂

You could just say ‘I’m a stay at home mum’. Or even, if you wanted, ‘yes, I work in the home’. Or old school ‘I’m a housewife’ 😁

I’d say, I’m a lawyer, but I’m not working at the moment.

Strange I would say that the "What do you do" Is politer as it is more inclusive and no one thinks I'm trying to shame they for not being employed. Why do you think it politer? Or is it the tonoe of the question?

Thank you so much for your comments and insights. You made me reflect on my feelings rather than how others see me. Thanks a lot! ❤

"I'm a lawyer"

You don't need to go into details of what you are currently doing. You qualified as a lawyer.

I'm on benefits for illness and just did retail jobs before that.

I hate people asking me if I work. I feel so embarrassed.

I always answer with "not at the moment as we have young children, but before that I was a ...". Then the conversation usually continues with something along the lines of "oh that sounds interesting, what does that involve?". Never any humiliation or awkwardness or anything.

Quite honestly I don't care what people think, its none of their business. I'd say yes I am raising our family.
I was a single mum and had to work full time but I hated it I felt my DS deserved better than a mother who worked all hours.

Best answer I heard to "Do you work?" was my sister... "Hell no!"

She has 5 kids under the age of 8... youngest are twins with ADHD... her "job" is bloody hard.

You’re letting yourself be brainwashed by Mumsnet! No one cares irl. That said, many people ask because they want to know how much respect you’re worthy of🙄. If you say you’re a lawyer, people will be impressed regardless of whether you’re currently working.

Just exaggerate your previous job. I’m now thinking of saying that I was a psychologist (I have a psych degree) until I became ill🤣

You need to have confidence in your own choices. Just say 'I was lawyer but now run an etsy business.' They're not asking you to justify anything.

My mum once had to sit next to a man a dinner who talked the whole time about his work as a hospital consultant and didn't once ask about what she did. Eventually he cottoned on to the fact that she knew a little of his line of work and asked if she was a nurse. 'Oh no no! I'm just a housewife and do a little volunteering at the hospice.' She took great delight in people not realising she had once been a consultant and medical director. Her 'little bit of volunteering' was actually to set up and open the hospice and was a member of its board for many years. She would argue that she didn't need to prove herself to anyone. Least of all people she didn't especially like.

Yes harder than I’ve worked in any other post

I suppose people are trying to find a common ground.
My answer is: 'yes, I work 24/7 as a single mother'. I know they are asking specifically about paid employment, but hopefully, if the conversation is going to continue, they want to know what I do. Parenting (until very recently) is what I did. Not solely (like people aren't their jobs). And they should know I can talk about things other than just my kids!
Depending on the situation, I also might say 'I worked in publishing but I'm raising my children currently'.
A better question might be 'what do you do'? Then someone can talk about their passion, not just the (often dull) job they do to put bread on the table.

"Do you work?"
"Oh yes. I'm busy busy all the time"
🙂

Just tell them "I do work, although not professionally these days, thank goodness! I'm lucky to work at home!" 👍

Just be honest and say ‘yes, I have a small Etsy business’ and move the conversation on - don’t make any snarky comments about people who are in paid work or or about being too busy leading an interesting a life to have paid work or whatever, unless the person asking you if you work outside the home is asking it in a rude or demeaning way - there’s just no need for it.

People generally aren’t that bothered really, they’re just making small talk or trying to fine common ground outside the mundane subject of children - other people’s kids are not very interesting, let’s face it. . Your Etsy business will be a great conversation starter, loads of people would love to have one.

It's just one of the initial questions asked, like are u married, have kids, what do you do? It sort of covers the basis for an overall general picture I guess. Though these are actually very personal questions, they are seen as the small talk to get to know someone, awful really I know.

Having changed jobs and working less hours I understand what you mean. We feel the need to let others know and create a description of our lives to ensure they know we're busy, not got an easy life, are capable etc. It's sad, we fear judgements, being pidgeon holed into a viewpoint.

Sometimes I play down my role and say oh I just work in ....., other times I feel the need to big it up and explain the higher responsibilities I've had. All crap really, I don't care what other people do, everyone has their own story and defensive, just gives an idea and often not a truthful one. X

@WannabeMathematician, when I was a SAHM, I felt that I was being judged more when I was asked what I did than whether or not I worked. If you're just asked what you do, anything other than a full on career can seem less than. To me 'do you work' is more of a conversation opener'.

I would just be honest and say “no, I’m a homemaker”.

I actually ask the question “do you work” now instead of “what job do you do” which I would previously ask, purely because I am not judgemental of whether someone works or not and why and I want the person I’m asking to know that.

If someone is asking you that question then I highly doubt they will judge you for it.