Meeting with manager is weird

[ohdeerohdear]

She documents our entire hour conversation. She makes notes against each action point in the weekly meeting and states whether I've met the deadline, when I sent an email, what I have specifically said in the meeting. When I was late and the reason given. I get sent a copy of the meeting 'report' afterwards. I find this really weird and like I'm being 'attacked' because it quite often reveals my shortfalls rather than highlighting my achievements. Never any praise. Is this a normal management style?

Lovely post @GreatGateauxsby sounds like a total nightmare OP, do everything that @GreatGateauxsby said! Good luck!

Are you on a performance management programme?

If you were a good manager and had a performance concern you wouldn't be telling the member of staff to work weekends and days off. You'd be digging a bit deeper to find out what was going on and setting achievable targets to get on top of things.

There was a thread on here recently and the Op was the manager with a failing member of staff. Honestly, I was horrified by some of the comments telling her to manage the member of staff. This was the majority of the posters as well. No wonder people's mental health is in the bin these days.

Great advice from @GreatGateauxsby. I think you're better off finding another job than fighting it. These situations generally have a habit of getting worse.

@BenjaminBunnyRabbit True, I ignored the "work weekends" bit in my reply. I would never pressure an underperforming team member to work longer hours. I'd be much more likely to tell them to take more breaks to clear their head between tasks! However, I think OP would really do well to document successes so that they are able to counter the negative paper trail that the manager is obviously creating. That part of my advice stands!

When I read the initial post, I thought 'yep, love this, as someone who has been a manager - makes it so easy to put together cases for pay rises, recognition (and yes, unfortunately sometimes performance plans)'
I would also love it as an employee, as we are expected to 'review' ourselves at the end of the year and this saves me keeping my own tracker of wins!
...Then I read that they aren't including good stuff, and strategically leaving things out? Nope, absolutely not. Well done for raising it. It doesn't sound like she does any of the work that needs to surround this management style either, you deserve more support and trust and engagement.

It sounds like she is unofficially performance managing you. I've had that and it is dreadful. I quit and was so much happier!

Does she do this to anyone else?

I'm a million miles from a micromanager BUT I have managed people like this when I'm managing them out of the business.

Are you on a performance plan (that you know of)?

If she does it to everyone - not it's not normal and crap management.

If it's just you, I'd be looking for another job. This kind of micro management is sometimes used with umm challenging employees to make them leave. Because it's horrible to be managed like this and lots of people jump ship which saves in lengthy HR processes.

I'm not defending it - just letting you know it happens.

So I'm reading and taking all this brilliant advice on board, thank you. I want to work at my marriage so putting the divorce aspect to one side for now as can't cope with any more stress.
I have not heard back from my manager since emailing her in response to her meeting notes where I filled in the gaps. I also pointed out where things were going well. I also copied her boss in (my top boss!)
I have another 'weekly meeting' with her tomorrow so I shall see what happens. Ive applied for a couple of other jobs in the meantime.
I feel validated enough now to say that she's devaluing my work through her intense micromanaging.

@ohdeerohdear you’re not alone… just have a look at my username

micro managed to the core… he messages me straight after any email I send out to tell me what I’ve done wrong, even if it’s just missing a dot!

there are some crazy psychos out there

your got some amazing advice, all I can say is make sure it doesn’t fuck up your confidence , you need this in order to get another job x

Ive applied for a couple of other jobs in the meantime.

Yesss - that was fast!!!! 👏👏👏 @ohdeerohdear

It sounds like your perspective has shifted to a better more centred place since posting which is great.

It will be interesting to see how the weekly meeting goes...

Lack of response is telling... my prediction is she tries to wrong foot/blindside you in some way in the status...
but who cares???? You are leaving soon 🎊🎊🎊
Don't forget to do 2 nice things for yourself!aybe one of them is organsiing a nive date night??? You've only got 4 days left 🤪

Hope the meeting went okay @ohdeerohdear. I totally admire your strength in sending that email. Hopefully you'll find somewhere soon that appreciates your strength and skills... and let's you know about it!

Another one hoping that your meeting today went well. She sounds utterly exhausting. But it sounds as if you have taken good steps towards 'managing your mqnager'.

In future do make sure that you go into meetings with notes/5 positive points from the week to be mentioned/discussed and make sure they are raised, a well as being prepared for specific issues which you know will arise. (Late because of traffic? Apologise and note that you will be, in future, leaving 15 minutes earlier from home . . . A sensible, proactive response, rather than waiting for her to raise it or the rather obvious solution.)

And do thank her for her time, and the detailed minutes - especially once they contain positives too. Even better see if you can think of an issue to raise on which you would really appreciate her advice/expertise . . .

Thank you - I postponed the meeting as I was unwell. I was still in work but I said I had loads to get on with so wanted to utilise the time, and didn't want to be sitting in her office coughing.
I like the idea of having notes ready for the next meeting which contain 5 positive points to be raised. This would certainly balance out all the negativity.
I am very prepared to jump ship. The meeting notes which I'd written my response on was sent back to me with her responses (in red). Most of the points I'd made, she disagreed with. She still didn't achknowledge any positive points and disagreed with some of the issues I raised.
She passed my door a few times but didn't pop her head in. I do not walk past her office ever so if I were to see her I'd have to purposefully walk up some stairs.
Ugh.

@ohdeerohdear she sounds exhausting and extremely tedious. Honestly I think you're best off to jump ship. It's such a head fuck being in a toxic environment.

I absolutely adored my last job, couldn't quite believe I'd landed it, then gradually realised my boss was a micromanager. Suddenly the rate of staff turnover made sense.

It was weird bc in my case, my boss was actually an extremely nice person. Like, having lunch or a chat with her was great. But as a boss she really didn't cut it.

I decided to jump within a year of joining. She was so shocked and literally said, "what do you want? I'll do anything to keep you."

I gave very honest feedback in my exit interview and it transpired that a consultant had been hired to work with my boss to reduce the rate of turnover.

I left on good terms and I'm v happy in my new job where I'm trusted to do my work.

In short, I feel you're better off leaving. People don't change.

Yes the fact she's been micromanaging me has on gradually dawned on me. You're right, people don't change.

Sounds odd. My manager makes notes after our catch-up, which I’d expect. Not really during so much and usually it’s a very informal chat and we just end up talking about life outside work! This person sounds very weird.

I’m a manager and don’t think this is a bad management style. There’s too many shit managers out there eg those that are afraid to manage effectively, improve performance, hold people accountable etc. it’s definitely not bad to get things in writing from a HR perspective

If your "management style" makes staff miserable then no, it's not a good style. Can't believe I had to type that out. It's like telling a chef to make food for customers rather than themselves.

There’s too many shit managers out there eg those that are afraid to manage effectively, improve performance, hold people accountable etc

Does it sound like OP’s manager is successful in any of that? It sounds like she is worsening OP’s performance, and she isn’t managing effectively if she never gives praise or credit for good work, and suggests OP should work unpaid every weekend to keep up with an excessive workload rather than looking at efficiency and streamlining processes, or redistributing work.

So if you were managing someone and never praised them, despite them doing good work, only criticised them, checked their route to work for traffic jams, though there's no history of lying, and made the person want to leave work AND the predecessor left after a few months, you'd think you were a good manager?

Firealarmscan you explain how this style of management increases performance?

Inalso have had this type of micro management - it’s shit - I lasted 3 months and left without a job to go to. I was that miserable.

Im half OP you’ve been pro- active.

My current 1-2-1 - I lead the meeting - I write the agenda, I raise good points and what training I need or time for x y z - Manager adds comments and sends it back.

You need to be more proactive and it also helps for your end of year meetings.

I can't lead the meeting - she leads the meeting. I don't have a choice in the matter

@ohdeerohdear
Love that she used RED. Because she! is the school marm and you! Young lady! are WRONG!!!
What a dickhead 😂😂😂

The weekend is upon you!

Get that CV out there...remember 5 interviews by X date...
And anytime you think about her do 5 squats or press ups as punishment (you win either way 🧠💪)

I'd be confident enough now to challenge someone on their management style, but wouldn't have done so when I was younger.

You're on a hiding to nothing. She's an appallingly bad manager. Red text is the equivalent of shouting at someone. The fact that her manager effectively ignored you means this is going nowhere.

Each time she tells you to do something that isn't documented in her notes (like the weekend working) put it on an email so there is a history.

From now on, I would grey rock her. Don't communicate with her unless you have to and keep a professional low profile. Don't discuss the situation with colleagues because you never ever know who you can trust. Keep your head down and do the job. Work your contracted hours. Don't work overtime. Don't work weekends.

You'll never know what's going on here. It's possible she's had her arse kicked by her boss because the previous member of staff didn't stay and now you're having a wobble. Either way, neither of them are very good.

Make it your priority to find yourself a new job. You need to reframe this in your mind as shit management and them not deserving you. The sooner you extract yourself from this shitshow the better.