I did something unprofessional in a board meeting

[ditzzy]

I have to be a bit careful not to out myself here - not that I’m an important person! Just that I think some people on here might know me.

I was in board meeting yesterday. I’m the boss but I have to answer to the board for actions, costs, achievements etc.

I’ve been asking permission to take on an extra member of staff for months. The finances are fine for it; I’ve identified the person but the rest of the board don’t think the extra person is needed because I should be able to do the job on my own. Except I can’t because there’s only 24 hours in a day.

I’ve started applying for other jobs that I know will be better for me (better pay, better use of my skills, better hours) but I really don’t want to leave if I can sort this out (which I just need this one person extra to do).

Halfway through the Board meeting yesterday, on Teams, my heart rate shot through the roof and I started shaking from head to foot. I took myself off camera immediately and muted myself. They all looked a bit puzzled but carried on. I then came back on and with a deep breath said “sorry, I can only define that as an outright panic attack, I really can’t carry on with this right now” so we adjourned the meeting.

It sounds like they all spent the rest of the day running around like loons trying to work out what happened. But I’ve been sent home and asked to stay away until Monday (and told to rest).

anyone here have any experience of this sort of complete meltdown? How do I come back from this?

Honestly, I say don't try to cover it or re-assure them. Let them scrabble around feeling bad and trying to figure out how to fix it.

You've told them that the workload is too high, found the solution, l8ned it all up for them and their hesitation is what has caused you to reach this point.

On Monday, explain that you did have a panic attack, that you have been highlighting the need for additional resource for some time now and it has reached the point where you either need to reduce by de-prioritising some activities to bring the workload under control or add that resource.

@ditzzy Hi, I’m sorry but you weren’t unprofessional at all, in fact I think you were very professional in how you handled it.

I would say if you’re doing the job of two people you are likely very stressed and this came out in that meeting. Take care of yourself over the next few days, walk if able to get the stress hormones out and get plenty of sleep/good food.

Yes. It happened to me. Things just got too much. I took some time out, then early retirement. I'm so much happier! I sleep better. I get more exercise. I'm there for my child. Life's too short to put up with crap.

Exactly what @FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain and @Hilwee said. Not unprofessional at all.

Something similar happened to me at work, I ended up being signed off work for 8 months with extreme stress and burnout, along with suicidal thoughts (never experienced mental health issues all my life and consider myself super resilient! But the workload was insane and no one listened to me begging for help)

your body is saying stop. Please listen to your body

Sounds like you actually handled it very well, be easy on yourself 💐

That isn't you doing something completely unprofessional. I was reading and waiting for something you deliberately did that was outrageous.

You need to look after yourself and pace yourself and they need to understand and make some adjustments to the pressure work (as it currently is) is putting you under.

Not unprofessional at all, in fact it sounds like you acted absolutely professionally in a very difficult situation. It was the inevitable consequence of an unsustainable situation. They are acting unprofessionally by refusing to hire more support. Don’t hide the impact from them, be clear about the reason for you reaching this point, and about what you need.

I'm so sorry OP that sounds horrible. I really don't think you should be worried about seeming unprofessional though, worry more about your wellbeing. I've had this happen to me and it's a sign of burnout. I've heard it described as almost like your brain is inflamed and the panic attack is the symptom. This is not going to get better on its own (it will only get worse) so you need to reduce the amount of stress you're under now.

I'm in the tech startup world and tbh burnout carries really no stigma at all, some people even seem to wear it like a badge of honour to prove how hard they work. If your board are judging you for a panic attack rather than helping you then you need to get out of there asap.

You e nothing to hide or cover up. Explain what you have said on here.

I thought this was at least going to involve nudity!

Not remotely unprofessional and I hope that your colleagues reach out to support you. If board members can’t do that then the company’s fucking shit to work for anyway. Good luck.

I agree that you handled it very professionally. You have no control over something like a panic attack, you didn't choose for it to happen. Panic attacks are usually a sign of trying to keep the pressure cooker lid on too many emotions for too long. Something definitely needs to change for you, your body is telling you that you can't carry on like this

Take the time off. I'd actually recommend taking a bit longer off and getting signed off for a week or so.

Everyone has a breaking point. It isn't unprofessional or a sign of weakness to reach it. You handled it very well

You weren't unprofessional. Please put yourself first.

Not that it should have got to this point but I hope they realise how bloody stupid they are not to give you the additional resource you need.

Well done OP you actually handled the situation really well and you sound very professional. Get yourself signed off sick and mind yourself.

I kept reading and expecting to get to the unprofessional but and never did.

Leave them scrabbling and come back on Monday with your costed plan for an additional staff member.

Point out it's unsustainable but you have a cost effective method to make it sustainable - they just need to agree you can recruit.

I hope this is not a daft question but are you certain it's a panic attack? I'm only saying this because my daughter had episodes of sudden high heart rate at rest and it turned out to be something called SVT. I don't think it's super common to discover it as an adult so I am sure that you're right but just in case I thought I would raise it.

Also for what it's worth that's not unprofessional. What you did sounded perfect.

I think you handled it very professionally! You were able to switch off your camera and even when you came back, you made the sensible decision to not continue. That's 100% professional!

Hopefully this might have put the wind up them so they can see you do actually need an additional person. Hope you are feeling better now OP.

What FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain said.

I hope you feel better OP. I’ve had panic attacks and I know it time to recover.

I have high anxiety and suffer from occasional panic attacks. I now take medication for it which has practically stopped the panic attacks.
I think it sounds like you managed it terribly professionally and the fact that you managed to rejoin the call is a feat in itself after a panic attack. Any good colleagues would be more worried about you than anything and any firm worth their salt would look to support you in any way possible, from a personal point of view, but also it’s in their business interest to ensure you don’t need to take time off due to anxiety.
my firm has an anonymous mental health team for employees to speak to if you’re not comfortable discussing with colleagues. Maybe yours has the same?
I hope you get the support you need anxiety can be debilitating if left to develop ❤️

Thank you everyone. I don’t feel professional, but the logical person in me tells me that they were the ones in the wrong for not listening to me and supporting me.

I have spoken to the chairman since the meeting and he apologised, but I just don’t trust it will change.

to the poster who mentioned SVT - I had cardiac ablation surgery for SVT 20 years ago, so haven’t experienced this sort of heart rate since then. My past SVT experience does make me more sensitive to feeling how fast/strong/regular beating my heart is, so it’s not surprising I noted that first. This did feel different though.

I hope I’ve caught this situation in time to resolve it without extended time off. I think this has come on because I stopped for Christmas and just couldn’t face re-starting and getting back up to speed.

I did one technical meeting today and felt ok, but took myself to bed for the afternoon afterwards, as I didn’t want to go back on the computer.

It might reduce me to tears again reading the messages, so I’m stepping away from my phone to do the kids bath times.

Thanks everyone for the comments

Oh ok. My daughter has had a recurrence of SVT post ablation but that was only 3 years ago - I don't know how likely it would be to recur after such a long time.

I think this is fine.

I'd actually go further and get an emergency GP app and get signed off for a few weeks and put the real dear of jesus in them.

It will also let you work out what you want, the situation clearly is sustainable and it sounds like you aren't valued

Look after yourself first and foremost 💕

Thanks @Habbibu I don’t know either! I spent the first few years being cautious about it, and had some extra tests when I was pg but if that actually came back properly I’d definitely have to start thinking twice about getting in high stress situations.

I think I’m going to have to take “good at coping in high stress situations” off my CV now anyway.

No dedicated staff for HR - we’re a very small company so it’s me who handles everyone else’s HR issues.

I just hope everyone comes back on Monday prepared to give practical support (allowing the new person) and not just with tea and sympathy.

Don't worry so much what they think or if they are running around like nutcases.

What matters is now that you are ok and to look after yourself and it sounds like you have been under a lot of pressure so please take some time to yourself.....

Maybe a new job would be better for you if they aren't prepared to support your role with another staff member. If you are inundated with high workloads and it is affecting you, I would tell them to jog on. Look for something that suits you better.

Have a nice hot bath tonight, some chocolate and an episode of your favourite show to unwind and make the most off until Monday :) Take care