I realised yesterday I should have retired years ago

[AzureBlue99]

I am 58 years old.

I love fashion, taking care of myself, I am engaged with life, I do stuff. I am happy, like a laugh and not a downer. I am not a beige person.

I am not a high flier but I have done okay for myself. However, can't afford to retire - financially woke up too late to realise I should have been building a bigger retirement pot*

I have no issue with getting older. I enjoy the invisibility to men aspect - that brought nothing but hassle. I am long time married, with absolutely no interest in men apart from as colleagues and^ acquaintances.

But, yesterday, in a meeting, I realise that I am now invisible to everyone apart from women my own age. Male colleagues I used to chat to gave no eye contact unless I "forced" them to by addressing them. Their eyes looked straight through me.There has been no angst, it is just I am now older and no longer worth talking to. Younger females are not much better. I speak up in a meeting but sometimes it is like I haven't spoken.^

I am there, but like a chair is there. Somewhat useful when you need a chair, but pushed to the corner most of^ the time. I haven't had a lot of face to face meetings recently, mainly Teams, so the meeting yesterday brought it up in sharp relief. I am no longer relevant (don't even want to be work wise, happy to let others shine) but why am I irrelevant as a person? I came home, felt down about it. Had a good sleep, woke up angry.

Why should getting older mean you no longer merit any interest at all? I know things have changed. I know older people feel marginalised by society in a lot of ways. But I never expected to have my confidence swiped away by something I cannot help, and that happens to us all, ageing.

The title of this thread - I genuinely think I should have retired three years ago. That seems to be the sweet spot before you are disregarded completely and just there rather than being a vital cog in the wheel. I was okay about getting older, and resigned to working for longer than I wanted to, but now it all feels depressing and damaging to my confidence in facing the future.

Thanks for reading. Just wanted to set this down. I went to sleep with it on my mind, and woke up and it was still there.

I am interested in others views on this, can this be rectified. I have read the excellent book called Hags before, is there any other essential reading?
^

*Anyone reading this in their 20s and 30s - if you can in these tough times build up a pension, please prioritise it. Life is for living but it has a habit of moving on fast and before you know it you are seeking 60 in the near distance. And when you get there it is good to have options.

Italics went a bit odd there!

I’m sorry to read this OP, it sounds infuriating and upsetting.

I am lucky enough to work in a field (healthcare sub specialty) where experience is really valued and in our department it just so happens we have a lot of women nearing retirement age. We are desperate to hold onto them as long as possible.

I’ve no advice but wanted to say I am angry on your behalf.

Yes, agree. It’s like I am the doddery old auntie that everyone just humours.

I am no longer feisty, no longer relevant and no longer interesting.

I quite enjoy fading into the background, I quite enjoy just quietly getting on with stuff.

It’s no longer my time to shine, I’ve done that, been there and thoroughly enjoyed it at the time. Let someone else do it now.
They say that “winding down to retirement “ is a thing, it definitely is for me.

The thing is @MrsNandortheRelentless I will be working for a few years yet, if I was retiring soon I would not be bothered. I am happy for others to shine but I don't want to feel like the ghost sitting in the corner. It's not a healthy mindset.

Sounds of your own making in some respects. I’m in your demographic but am not treated like this at work. I even try and take a back seat to let the next gen of leaders coming through start to take the reigns (with the comfort I’m watching over and won’t let them fall, will step in before that occurs), but people still look to you for advice/guidance/direction and you get dragged from that back seat to the front invariably.

How is it of my own making?

I’m 50 and feel like this in my industry, which is very young.

This might not be useful but it’s very different in NHS and local government - I felt positively young there!!

I don’t know how I’m going to work for another 17 years - people already think I’m past it!

I think if you are feeling ignored, put out feelers for another job or a sideways move. For sure it's harder to get jobs at this age but far from impossible. I think it's easy to find you no longer fit in, and age is part of that, but sometimes it's just mutual change. I changed jobs this year and it's been a huge shot in the arm.

In the meantime, make a change of your own. Go into the office more? Be more present and visible. But not if it gets in the way of going for interviews!

I’ve had this experience recently and it’s quite eye opening!

You are shoved to the back in a ‘boring old fart’ type of way!!

I am actually amused by it - however I am slightly younger than you!

Out of interest does anyone know anyone else that has retired at 55 with a normal job, normal wage circa £35k to £50k per year?

55 is retirement age for NHS clinical staff who are approaching that age - most of my friends are in this category.

I'm with you op. I've found there have been two stages in my life which has changed people's perception of me and how they treat me

#1 becoming a mother, all of a sudden I seemed to blend into the background,

#2 getting to my late 40s, I was no longer relevant

Both of which meant that I suddenly stopped being worth talking to for some groups of people, it really is the oddest of things to happen. You think in your 20/30s things like this don't happened, it doesn't occur to you that you won't be worth discussing things with or having a joke with. Luckily my job means people have to talk to me, because I think otherwise they wouldn't.

That is true for some nursing staff. Not so for doctors who could retire at that age if they choose but there would be a 5% reduction in pension for every year before 60 if in the 1995 scheme. For the 2015/22 scheme retirement age is the same as state pension age I believe.

I flip flop between feeling that I still make a useful contribution and feeling like a dinosaur. At 56 however I certainly find 12 hour days much more tiring and am glad I no longer work overnight

That's really interesting (and blooming infuriating) I'm of similar vintage and not experiencing this but i wonder if working 100% remotely helps in that respect? I seem to have no issue taking virtual control of a meeting of (usually 40 somthing American) men, but i see myself (and them tbh) as just a another face in a computer (in my case with Teams soft focus on 😳). It also obv helps to have bullet proof confidence but I'm sure you do too. Are the remote meetings better?

That is it @wildwestpioneer Sorry it happened to you at such at early age. It really is the oddest thing.

I work in local government, which is funny as that isn't the experience of a previous poster.

It isn't just work issues, it is just general stuff. Chit chat etc.

I can't say that I have ever experienced this and I am older than you.

I'm 53 and haven't found this, in a way it's a relief I can talk to anybody without any worries that people may misinterpret me or think it's more than a work chat.

My boss is 59 and an absolute force of nature and recently put her neck out for someone in an amazingly brave way. She certainly isn't invisible.

Neither of us are what you would call attractive women <sorry boss> so perhaps we had different treatment when younger from OP.

@WishIMite

Is that all clinical staff? Nurses, physios, chiropodists, doctors, consultants etc?

It depends on the industry I guess. In my area, older women are often in senior leadership, and even if not, are highly valued and respected as mentors and guides for less experienced staff.

With the demographic change we’re experiencing there will be more and more older workers.

I think 55 is a ridiculous and unsustainable age to retire, if you are healthy. What would a person do for all those years, apart from it being unworkable from an economic point of view.

I’m 40 now and I envisage working in some form as long as I am physically able, which could be 70 or beyond (if I am lucky).

Nurses, physios, health visitors and midwives with “special class” status.

I was a hospital consultant, retired at 57, I took an 18% cut in my pension. I don’t regret it as I did lots of great things in those three years between 57-60.

The replies seem to show some differences depending on whether the woman is in a promoted/senior position or not. I can see that if you are still someone's boss you stay relevant (to them), but if you're just another one of the workforce? I don't quite feel I'm a chair, OP, but definitely feel my experience and skills aren't much valued anymore!

It sounds like you have lost your mojo - I've seen this happen at a range of ages, mainly within the public sector, and to both sexes (public sector finance and IT are full of men in their 40s and 50s who are just waiting for an excuse to give up work).

I personally don't think early retirement is the answer. I think it is a stagnation issue, where someone has seen it all and just isn't interested anymore. Making a change would help, but I think people lose the energy to do that.

It depends on the industry I guess. In my area, older women are often in senior leadership, and even if not, are highly valued and respected as mentors and guides for less experienced staff.

This is true in the NHS. Most of the nursing, medical and other directors are now women in their 50s and these women are powerhouses.