Possible to withdraw resignation without losing all credibility

[Puppalicious]

Had an earlier thread about leaving. Have doubts about new job. I haven’t carried out enough due diligence and I’m worried about the new boss. Was almost in a car accident yesterday (not sure if this is related) but then at lunchtime I was in tears about leaving and in the afternoon I had a panic attack. I’ve never really had panic attacks before. I felt sick all evening and had to take camomile tablets. Now I’m awake with worry for the 10th night in the row. I am v senior in the organisation and whatever credibility I had has been blown over the last few days. But I’m not sure it’s right to be having panic attacks before a new job.

I should say I have given notice verbally and not yet in writing. They are preparing a comms plan to let the company know next week after which it will be really too late.

It’s not really normal to have panic attacks at all, maybe speak to your GP? What is it about the new role that’s concerning you? Can you speak to the new manager and get clarity on things? Has someone been badmouthing your new boss?

I’m a manager and the truth is, if one of my staff wanted to leave I would let them. I don’t think they’d be committed in post if I kept them in role after they served notice, they’d likely still look to leave for another opportunity. Doesn’t matter how good they are in the role, I would need to consider a contingency plan for their departure and hand over their duties regardless

I agree with the poster above. Once a staff member has said they’re leaving I’d be surprised if the employer would allow this to be reversed. Even if you haven’t put it in writing yet, it would look flakey to just reverse it now.

What’s your concerns about the new job?

also are you usually an anxious person?

I know it’s not normal to have a panic attack. I’ve never had them before. I get excited about the new opportunity and then I get hit with anxiety again. They managed the person before me out and I’m now recalling at one stage someone called my new boss demanding. My DH says it’s just nerves because I haven’t moved for ages but I do worry my current role is one so good I’ll have lost something irreplaceable if this new job doesn’t work out. I have so badly fucked up over the last fortnight.

No I’m not usually anxious.

Also the new job is just a huge challenge. New industry plus a new work skill set. I’m terrified I don’t have it in me to do it and they they just hired me because they didn’t have any other options - maybe other people know this boss is hard to work with? I know I was the only one in the process by the end (whole process took months).

When you verbally resigned, dis your current company attempt to keep you? Or counter off to you.

That might make it easier you could have been considering their counter offer.

I've had one of our counter offers accepted by one employee. I didn't think any less of that employee for accepting as if I were of that mindset I wouldn't offer. However it was never the same, the person themselves still had an itch to go and did after year.

Are you mid forties and peri menopausal? It trashes your confidence.

They did counter offer but after a lot of thought I turned it down - tbh I thought my boss would never trust me after that.
he would trust me even less after withdrawing a resignation. I have totally fucked my self. He was actually considering me for a temp promotion before this. I made the horrendous mistake of in a panic telling him about this other job offer (which I had in fact initially turned down and then accepted again after they raised the money). I just wish I could turn back time.

Yes I am mid-40s. Don’t know about peri menopausal but I’ve always had very low confidence job wise. My last job before this destroyed my confidence, and I thought everyone in my firm before that thought I was shit, only realised that wasn’t true when it an alumni from that firm that hired me into my current job. I’ve got on well with all my bosses here (all 5 of them!) but none of them have been very demanding. I’ve had a couple of promotions too. I just feel sick with nerves.

I am confused.
Are you still in your old post and your leaving not yet made public? has it been actioned by HR? I would be surprised about that as they have nothing in writing.

Regarding the new job, I would presume if you were the only candidate left after a long recruitment process for this new post, you were the only candidate seen to be good for the job? I also would not take hearsay about a manager but form my own opinion. It takes a while to get to know people.
Can you think about it as positive that you have new challenges and a chance to develop a new skill set?
I was initially going to say to try to reverse your decision, but I also think being in new places and organisations actually is better because it gives you a chance to grow personally and professionally. I have been in the same one for almost two decades now due to childcare commitments and I think it is not really ideal, i would prefer professionally to have had the chance to see how other places work. Not being able to move has hampered me (whilst also allowing me to bring up two children myself) but I am at the stage where I really need new challenges.

I wrote that before I saw your most recent post.
I think you do not have a clear sense of your own abilities.
Would it be possible to get some coaching or similar to help you adjust to this new role? I mean separately to the company, but where you could talk through your insecurities and have someone to speak to as you settle in. And/or ask for a mentor in the new organisation. Doesn’t matter how senior you are, you should still be able to get a mentor.

Tell your current boss how you’re feeling.

If they tried to stop you leaving when you verbally resigned, they will probably be glad to keep you.

You’ve been awake with worry for 10 nights in a row, so quite honestly I wouldn’t worry whether you do lose a bit of credibility. You can build it back up again!

I know lots of people who’ve withdrawn resignations- quite common IME. But worth taking some time to think about why you”re having a wobble and why you wanted to leave in the first place.

Give it some thought over the weekend. Try imagining you’ve successfully withdrawn your resignation- how. Do you feel? Relieved regretful?

There is nothing to stop you going in on Monday and saying that you’ve been thinking more about the counter-offer and would be keen to talk it through with your manager. I wouldn’t get hung up on whether he can trust you etc- IME good managers are understanding about this sort of thing. They know you have other options and don’t take it personally.

if you turned down your current works counter offer after a lot of thought then what's changed? Sounds like you have done due diligence given that comment?

I think your current role is probably one your very comfortable in and like the company so there was no push to leave - which means there must have been a pull to the new position at the time.

Can u pinpoint what's setting off the anxiety? Is it leaving current post or worrying g about new role which is triggering?

For what it's worth, given it's just a verbal resignation at this point if you really want to stay, I do t think it's too late to have a discussion with your manager about their counter offer and see if it is possible to still accept and stay. You could say something like the t&cs of the new post haven't matched and on reflection the stretch offered by current company gives you enough new challenge which is what u were seeking in moving posts. But - really consider if this is what u want and u r not just having cold feet.

Otherwise i think it may be a case of anxiety, imposter syndrome, worry about the future etc and it being a poor decision but it could also be just what you need to lead to bigger and better things. What was your impression of the new boss and company? What reputation do they have? Was the recrtuimnebt process ok and professional?

If you're really not sure about leaving I would speak to your boss pronto and see if you can stay.

I think it's normal to be nervous with a new job. It's a big change. Sticking with the old job will always be the safer option.

I saw your other thread. You poor thing. This has really got you in knots!

Try to separate out the issues. The panic attack - did that happen in front of colleagues or at home? If the latter, no bearing on credibility. If the former, the shock of being in an accident, or nearly in one, could easily explain it.

Going back to the situation in general, you can't seem to get past the 'is it the right decision/ will I be any good?' thoughts to 'what is it about the new job that has my juices flowing.' You can only see downsides. Tricky boss, potentially. Not a place you're valued.

But - flip all that on its head. That tricky boss has chosen you. The new firm wants you. You impressed them, with your CV and interview answers and personality. Your current boss, who in your head supposedly knows and values you more, only dangled the temp promo once you said you were off.

I say go. It's hard to leave familiarity but you are going to a really exciting opportunity. You just need to see it. Imagine if new firm suddenly says, oh sorry, our budgets have been cut and we can't take you after all. Guarantee that by October 1 you'd be plodding into the office thinking, Gawd is this really it for me?

I was approached with the new job. The draw was that I suspected I was underpaid in my current job, it seemed like a good way to benchmark, it was a step up and the industry interested me. If I ever want to leave my current job I will need to change industry and it’s a long way to retirement staying in my current role. I didn’t believe there was any progression in my current role although I’m already at a v high level (within top 1% of company) and of course my boss actually blew that notion out of the water last week (that chance is now definitely gone!!!)
What is scaring is me is leaving complete job security for none, and I actually haven’t done enough due diligence. I don’t know anyone who works in the new company. It’s an absolutely massive challenge I’m taking on, and if I fail, I may have lost the best job I will ever have - the one most suited to me anyway.
They told me to go home, have a big glass of wine ans send in my resignation letter the following day. Which I didn’t do because I was too busy avoiding car crashes, crying and having panic attacks.

And yes I either have imposter syndrome or I am really crap at my job. I’ve only got over the constant insecurity in my current job I would say in the last year because I’ve been there so long, I’m confident I know more than most people when I walk into a room and can add value to the discussion. It’s hard to lose that.

It’s possible that the near miss made me feel vulnerable, because if something happened now I would be fecked salary wise, whereas if I stayed I would be covered for a year (would be in my new job after a year too but not at the start obv).

You can’t be crap at your job if your current boss made you an offer to stay, and your potential new boss made you a better offer when you initially turned down the job!