Possible to withdraw resignation without losing all credibility

[Puppalicious]

Had an earlier thread about leaving. Have doubts about new job. I haven’t carried out enough due diligence and I’m worried about the new boss. Was almost in a car accident yesterday (not sure if this is related) but then at lunchtime I was in tears about leaving and in the afternoon I had a panic attack. I’ve never really had panic attacks before. I felt sick all evening and had to take camomile tablets. Now I’m awake with worry for the 10th night in the row. I am v senior in the organisation and whatever credibility I had has been blown over the last few days. But I’m not sure it’s right to be having panic attacks before a new job.

Saw this and thought of this thread.

The Harvard professor’s regret-proof guide to making decisions

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/0495eaca-474c-11ee-9359-63e432ab6148?shareToken=49195a1706f30188cc9e5fceb1351f69

@RomComPhooey thank you very much for sharing that.

I would recommend chilling out. You've catastrophised in your head. Retract your resignation and see if they accept. You are making up stories about your boss not "trusting" you. Relax. Worst comes to worse and they don't accept resignation (for whatever reason) then make the best of the new job. You have not ruined your career. Everything is OK. Glad you're OK from the crash. How scary. Are you OK after that?!

Hey,
I haven't read all of the posts but it sounds a very familiar feeling and experience having myself changed jobs quite regularly over the last 5 years. I am late 40s and also really struggled with this imposter syndrome and real lack of confidence, especially in the first few months. What I would say, having generally remained in jobs a long time the experience, knowledge and skills I have picked up from changing jobs has been priceless. Very difficult emotionally, physically and psychologically but we'll worth it. I just really had to manage myself those first few months. Generally I found by month 6 -month 10 I was much more confident in my abilities. You can absolutely do this, just reach out for support, particularly in those early days.

I think you need to stop and think, do you have a good relationship with your current boss? Is it possible to be honest with them.

Reading your follow up posts I think take the fear of what people will think away, and I would bet on you being as good or better than your replacement. So remove that from your thoughts too - your company would not counter offer and try to find a promotion for you if you were not worth keeping. There is no way in any company that would happen. I do not counter offer all leavers in my company, yes new employees are costly to onboard however companies only try to retain those who have a value. Do not fear staying still.

In saying that sometimes new jobs exist only to transition us out of comfortable situations into new ones, could this next one help to do something like that.

Tricky I feel for you, but do believe you can do it.

Thanks for all your thoughts. Opposing viewpoints which very much matches what’s in my head! I do actually genuinely think my boss was sad to lose me but this indecision and messing around does not show me in good light. If I don’t go perhaps I will never go - but maybe nothing wrong with that either? The new job is a substantial salary increase but I earn well enough that it doesn’t really matter to me - but why am I only just realising that 😩

What's your relationship line with your boss? Can you talk to him and say you're having second thoughts about leaving ?

I dont think personally speaking your indecisiveness puts you in a bad light at all. Some decisions are easier to make than others but one's which take you outside of your comfort zone are not generally straightforward so don't be too hard on yourself. I am pretty sure any indecisiveness has not been frowned upon and if it has then its clearly coming from someone who has no experience of the decisions you're making. We're lucky to have the choice in some respects to have to make this decision. With any change comes learning and that can be no bad thing IMO.

Sorry OP but your posts aren’t really clear and you’re letting emotion cloud your judgement.

I agree with this. Sorry, cannot really make sense of what you are saying and the options and difficulties and how many old or new jobs there are. I read all your posts. Expressing yourself clearly is quite important for senior leadership roles.

If you say you are very senior in your job (top 1% at the company), I would put you at C-Suite or higher. There isn't much room for lack of self-belief at these levels as you are firm leadership, required to set the strategy and implement it.

Sure, people first promoted into these positions need to grow into it, but it is usually a lack of a certain skill set rather than a breakdown of confidence. Hopefully the only thing you have presented to your boss is flakiness and you did not let on about the panic attacks.

It is fine to be flakey in more junior positions and resign/anti-resign, but not so much in senior positions. In senior positions, you need to play the game and have a 'game face'. Nothing Machievallian, just outward leadership and authority. The buck stops with you.

It depends on the reason you gave to your boss about why you did not take the promotion and for the verbal resignation. If indecision or flakiness is the worst you presented, then I think you can come back from that if you present to him on Monday a firm plan and the reason why you are now committed to take the challenge at this firm and not at the higher paying offer company (I hope I got that right).

You can get over this and convince your current job and boss to have confidence in you again. I agree with the other poster who changes jobs a lot. It takes me at least a year to not have buyer's remorse at changing jobs. Stick it out and it gets much much better after that. Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes especially when new. You did not try to cover it up. You owned it. So you will improve and get better. That your boss knows that. If your boss sees commitment on your part, they will want to support that. But it has to come from within you, so demonstrate that, using your game face, if necessary.

i am very confident in my value in my current job. I add a lot through my depth of knowledge. At this moment in time, I have no confidence at all in what I can bring to the new job. Which worries me because I’m very far from being able to put my game face on.

Also no one in work knows about the panic attack, I was at home.
My current job is the only one I’ve felt confident of my worth, I have suffered crippling insecurity in other jobs.

Think short term versus long term. From your posts it sounds like you very much want to stay and not leave. Emotionally and intellectually your gut is saying that's what you want. Perhaps you got lured by the higher salary for a bit but now realise that other things are more important to you.

If you think short term you'll be held back by the fear of how a u-turn would look. But if you think long the then you can take the short term hit (anyway this is more in your mind) and focus on destabilising yourself. Think about the possibility that your boss could himself leave in the near future and none of this would even matter to his successor.

Do what your gut says, swallow your pride and have that conversation with your boss. Focus only on the positives of staying back - for you and them. You'll know your answer at the end of that chat.

I find that decisions I make with my heart rather than head always make me happier.

Re-establishing (not destabilising)!
What a bad autocorrect!!

Agree with the poster above - follow your gut instinct.

Good luck tomorrow, no matter what you decide, I’m sure your future will be successful.

You say the person you believe would succeed you at your current company would be excellent and do a better job than you. What more in your view would they bring to the role that you don't at present? You speak of your great depth of knowledge as being valuable. There must be more to you than that.

I honestly think you have worked yourself up into such a funk about this move that it is clouding your judgment about your performance in general. You can't see clearly what you do at the moment and what you will achieve in the future. You are therefore clinging to your current job as if you are drowning swimmer and it is a life raft. But - another company has hired you! They have seen your worth. They havent offered you a job out of charity. Sleek speedboat awaits! You can leap aboard and arrive at new destination, presenting yourself as cleanskin without being dragged down by all this awful baggage of self doubt. No one will expect you to know anything much at first and it is in their interests to make it work and support you or they look like idiots for hiring you.

But you have to be brave enough to do it.

Yes, I think I can’t withdraw the resignation, it would look so weak. Time to move forward bravely!