Coworker told my business to everyone

[FlowGirl22]

Yesterday, I had a small moment out of the blue at my desk. I was so stressed, a tear went down my face from the anxiety. I was very quiet, so it wasn’t very noticeable unless you were watching. It rarely happens but it did because I was under a heightened level of stress (work related).

A coworker saw me and as I was rushing to the bathroom, they followed me. I spoke told them it’s just about if stress, nothing to be worried about. Next thing I know, 10 minutes later this coworker went and told the people in my team and my manager about this after I had specifically told this person NOT to mention it to anyone. They blew up the whole thing out of proportions.

My manager rang me in panic and saw I was fine afterwards. I was just having a personal moment which is what I told the manager and asked for it not to be blown out of proportions.

This came right after the announcement that I was put on the track to move up to the next level of seniority.

I’m really frustrated now because I told this coworker not to tell anyone about this because it wasn’t worth escalating or running their mouth over. I know myself and this was nothing to be making a fuss over. They did the polar opposite of what I told them thus breaching a boundary of mine.

Now, I’m worried this may affect their decision to put me on the track for the next level because I’m afraid the manager will think I’m not ready.

What to do?

Perhaps she did this to scupper your chances?

Sounds deliberate to me.

Style it out. It's going to look worse if you freak out that this means you're permanently bollocksed for promotion than if you shrug and say 'Yeah, tough day. Where's the rota for next week?'.

She is incredibly unprofessional. If she saw her boss behave in a way like that would she immediately tell everyone? I would just explain to your boss that your colleague got it completely out of proportion, that she abused your trust and that you will be very careful what you say to her again.

Purposeful! Perhaps tell your manager Monday that you've had some personal stress at home but you're fine

Then never trust this coworker again!

I would say something to the coworker. Say you don't appreciate her speaking to people on your behalf when you specifically told her not to.
And don't trust her again.

She’s one level above me and is supposed to me mentoring me into the next level.

I really didn’t like having a colleague who was WFH that day message me on Teams to ask me if everything is OK because she heard about what happened.

I’m off this upcoming week, so I’m seriously worried about the nonsense I may be coming back to. I’m seriously contemplating going on extended sick leave because the lack of boundaries from this individual has been a repeated occurrence (e.g, hugging me while I’m on a Zoom call, responding to questions asked to me etc).

@FlowGirl22 sounds like you need to express these issues to your LM and ask for a different mentor

I'm going against the grain here, but you say she is one level above you and is mentoring you - surely there is a duty of care if she see's you crying and you tell her it's due to stress?

Imagine the fall out 6 months down the line if you're having a full breakdown and it comes out that you were crying at work, she saw it, you told her you were streesed and she did nothing

I think this too.

She’s one level above me but isn’t in my management chain. She’s just a colleague.

I understand the duty of care part, but I literally shed one tear. It wasn’t a full blown crying session. It literally lasted 2 minutes.

Besides, while she may think she has a duty of care, it’s still not appropriate that she disclosed this situation to another coworker who was WFH that day and nowhere in my management chain.

I know myself, if I tell someone I’m fine, this means I’m truly fine. If I ask someone not to disclose this, it means I know it was an isolated incident. She should have asked for my permission before disclosing this to both my manager and another coworker who wasn’t even there physically.

I think you're minimising

It's not normal to be crying at your desk due to stress and anxiety. Also at 1 point you say it was just a single tear, then you're rushing to the bathroom and now it lasted 2 minutes?

I think she was absolutely right to pass it up the chain of command. Re telling same level colleagues, I think I would need to know exactly what was said and how

Having a gossip and saying you've been crying is totally wrong, but asking them to not put any more on you as you're having difficulty handling your current load seems sensible.

This colleague didn't do that though, from what the OP has posted. It was more that she gossiped.

What reason did she give for going against your request? That would have a beating for me

It was definitely gossip. The coworker she said this to isn’t someone I directly work with or someone who has any impact on my workload.

I don’t know what exactly was said to the other colleague, but the colleague pinged me saying they heard about what happened.

I shed one tear then felt the anxiety kicking in and I rushed to the bathroom where I calmed myself down. When I say it lasted 2 minutes, it’s a figure of speech to say it wasn’t a big ordeal.

From what OP posted yes, but as I already said I think OP is minimising and giving a 1 sided account.

Honestly, do people really think the right thing to do when they find a collegue they're mentoring crying due to stress and axiety is to just ignore it?!

She didn’t give me any reason. I didn’t confront her about it because I just wanted to get on with my work.

She left the office shortly after.

It will be interesting to see what she does say next week then. At least you've learned a valuable lesson to be very careful what you share with her in the future

She’s not mentoring me just yet. The mentoring thing is a plan at the moment. As of yesterday, she’s just a colleague.

Agree with PP that you are minimising. It is really not normal or acceptable to cry at work due to work stress.
You need to have a realistic look at your whole life, and take care of yourself properly. Are you ready for this promotion? Are their other things going on in your personal life causing you anxiety?

Yes she was wrong to gossip, but that is not the main issue. The fact that you were crying at work is the issue.

I’m pretty sure she did it for gossip purposes. It’s one thing to escalate to my manager, but why did she feel the need to tell another random coworker who was WFH that day?

I really didn’t like having a colleague who was WFH that day message me on Teams to ask me if everything is OK because she heard about what happened.

That's outrageous. It's gossip, pure and simple. I'd be having a word and I'd ask for someone else to be my future mentor since she can't keep her mouth shut.

Thank you. This is my point exactly.

It’s gossip. She’s constantly on the phone with this coworker and glued to them when they’re in the office! You can’t tell me it’s not gossip if you’re disclosing this information to a party that really doesn’t need to know.

This is my fear exactly. That my manager sees this whole ordeal as me not being ready.

That being said, the promotion won’t be effective for a year or so. Right now, I’m just being trained into getting for the role when time comes. I can handle it for sure.

The stress was due to the workload and harsh timelines I had.

I'd ask for a different mentor posthaste.